


It's All About Us. There's a Theme That They Can't Touch.

by Liolny



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Lucas is in his last year of high school, M/M, Model Eliott, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, They met at ages 8 and 10, but like they’re lucas and eliott so you know it’s intense from the get go, he's studying film, university student Eliott
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-01-13 01:18:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 49,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liolny/pseuds/Liolny
Summary: Lucas could only bear being stared at likethatfor so long, and the burning sensation his own skin started taunting him with didn’t feel fair, considering he had done absolutely nothing wrong. “I can’t mention condoms now? What are you, five?”Eliott slowly sat up, the expression on his face shifting almost immediately. He ran a hand over his face, covering it completely - and once his features became visible again, his nose was crinkling up, mouth curling into a faint frown.“Maybe just don’t mention us putting on condoms...together…”Or: They're childhood best friends, Eliott starts a modelling career, Lucas meets a new boy he might actually consider dating, and some things are hard to control - a wild heart certainly is.





	1. Best Friends. Lovers. Strangers.

**Author's Note:**

> Salut Mecs :) I felt inspired and decided to give this Trope a go! I hope some of you will have fun with it <3\. This chapter is supposed to set the tone of their relationship and establish some of their backgound :)

**18 and 20 - Now  
**

“Lucas? Are you coming?”

As much as Lucas wanted to revel in the way the hazy clouds were drifting over him, the slight breeze refreshing and soothing, he couldn’t do that. Eliott’s voice pulled him right back into reality, right back into his own head, this present moment, and right back to the harshness of it all. It took him only one glance at his best friend to know what his next words would be.

“Are you okay?” Eliott asked just as expected, facing Lucas with steady but slightly uneasy eyes.

Lucas took a deep breath and started walking towards him, abandoning the spot he had stopped in to stare into space. As he reached Eliott, his own eyes immediately fell to the ground, his words coming out just loud enough to bridge the small distance between them.

“I don’t… Do you really think it’s a good idea to come with me?”

Eliott's eyes remained patient, “Well… actually, I do yeah,” he deadpanned.

The tone in his voice was difficult to pinpoint. He was being sincere, Lucas had no doubt about that – but there was also a hint of teasing in there. People tended to use the phrase ‘pick your battles’ and Lucas knew that if this was one of those battles, it was already a lost one anyway.

Eliott’s face was a contradiction in and of itself. It was all sharp edges, sculpted from stone and piercing eyes, and yet, even with that unwavering, almost hypnotizing gaze, he was radiating nothing but warmth. Eliott’s eyes were telling Lucas everything he needed to know.

Lucas sighed, doing his very best to not roll his eyes but shaking his head in defeat nonetheless. It was mostly out of frustration with himself and the situation, and as most times, he was certain that Eliott was well aware of that.

“Hey,” Eliot said, putting his hands on Lucas’ shoulders and waiting for him look up. Lucas saw nothing but patience and reassurance in his eyes, a feeling of being home overcoming him. He had given up on trying to describe those eyes a long, long time ago. No color ever really did them justice anyway, and what mattered in the end was the way Eliott connected to people through his eyes – the way most people would not mind getting lost in them for hours. Lucas may have been biased, but he had also been around Eliott for long enough to know that he was not the only person to see Eliott in a certain kind of light.

Lucas’ eyes had dropped back to Eliott’s chest, the events of the week finally catching up with him. It did not come as a surprise when he felt a thumb gently pushing his chin back up. Eliott's voice was soft when he uttered his next words. “I just thought it would make this easier for you, Lucas. But if you-”

“It’s just that I know how you feel about the psych ward. I don’t want you to do this for me if it’s going to make you anxious or sad. I would be okay, you know… Doing this on my own would be okay,” Lucas interrupted him, not feeling like beating around the bush any longer.

“Of course you would be okay.” Eliotts eyes remained steady on his face. Lucas couldn’t tell whether Eliott was trying to convey some sort of message to him or if he was trying to read his mind, but it was most likely a mixture of the both. He was most likely trying to convey to Lucas that he did not need to be alone in this.

“I know you would be okay,” Eliott repeated, swallowing and giving Lucas the hint of a comforting, but also slightly pensive smile. “But you don’t have to be okay all by yourself. I want to be there for you, okay? I’m serious, I’m not stressed about going in there. If anything, I’m looking forward to seeing your mom again. It’s been a while…”

Eliott’s hands were back on his shoulders and his eyes did a quick motion across Lucas’ face before he continued. “And anyway, we’ll do it minute by minute, right? If I do end up feeling stressed about it for some reason, I’ll just find a bench outside and have a smoke or something. It’s nice out today, right?”

Lucas just took him in for a moment longer. A week of anticipation had been building up inside of him and now Eliott was throwing _minute by minute_ back at him once again. Then there was also the part of him that wasn’t so sure if he himself would be able to handle seeing Eliott in a hospital again. He needed to stop thinking about that though. This was different – they were going there to visit his mother after her recent breakdown, and Eliott was doing just fine. Lucas knew that he was getting slightly choked up and teary eyed, but he managed a small and hopefully thankful smile.

Eliott sighed, the look on his face much fonder than Lucas felt capable of handling in that moment. He put one arm around Lucas’ shoulder and started to set them into motion, leaving a kiss on the top of Lucas’ head in the process. The walk towards the bus stop was much less frightening like that, and Lucas had lost count of the endless memories he would never be able to thank Eliott enough for.

\--

Once they settled down in the bus, Lucas could feel the nerves getting the best of him again.

“Reuniting with your mom on this exact day is cool though…” Eliott announced out of nowhere, managing to cut through the anxiety that had started to arouse Lucas’ stomach.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, this date exactly one year ago you came out to everyone,” Eliott shrugged, smiling at him, “It’s like the 24th of October is just the right day for being brave.”

“You’re right… that’s weird...”

On second thought, Lucas tilted his head to the side, blinking at Eliott, “Wait, you remember the exact day I came out?”

“Of course I do,” Eliott declared and Lucas could not help but find it endearing how genuinely offended he sounded.

And right, of course Eliott remembered. The images in his head of the drawing Eliott had sneaked into his locker that day were still much clearer than he would like to admit to himself. It had been a drawing of an all too familiar hedgehog sitting at a table with a cake right in front of him. The candles on top of the cake spelled out the number ‘24’. There had also been an equally familiar raccoon throwing confetti at the hedgehog from the other side of the table, the caption reading “Happy Gay Day, Lucas.” And how could he ever possibly forget about that?

Lucas had rolled his eyes upon first seeing drawing, and one year later he was still determined to do so every time his mind drifted back to that memory. But he would also always feel that same warmth and appreciation spreading through his body, just like it had back then.

“Don’t tell me you find me remembering weird too,” Eliott interrupted his thoughts, “Everything is weird with you today, isn’t it?”

“Maybe a little bit, ”Lucas shrugged, taking a long breath and meeting Eliott's searching gaze. And in a way ‘maybe a little bit’ was the understatement of the century. Today was going above and beyond weird.

Eliott gave him that same pensive smile he had been wearing all day, “I’m kinda jealous. 24 is our number after all,” he teased, his smile spreading now as he nodded his head at Lucas, “Do you remember that?”

Lucas did remember that. How they had met at the children’s community center, Lucas barely eight years old. They had all been assembled in a circle, each of them drawing numbers from a bucket. Matched numbers would pair up during the tower building competition and both him and Eliott had drawn the number 24. Lucas also hadn’t forgotten about getting mad at Eliott for teasing him and how that had resulted in Lucas pushing him into their tower, destroying it in the process and making them lose to all the other kids. What a nightmare.

“Yeah… I remember that.” Lucas said quietly, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

Eliott had a certain twinkle in his eyes and Lucas knew that he was about to say something annoying. And once again, his suspicion was on point. Yann, Basile and Arthur always called it his ‘Eliott Expertise’.

“Maybe I’ll get it tattoed on my ankle or something, the number 24.” Eliott suggested, lifting his leg up and twisting his bare ankle around right in front of Lucas’ chest. Lucas pushed it down with much more force than was probably necessary.

“Shut up, Eliott. That’s –”

“Weird?” Eliott managed to beat him this time.

“Yes. Weird.”

Eliott chuckled at that. “Well, shit. I was saying that to test the waters, but I might as well just tell you the truth now.”

Lucas hoped that the look on his face was conveying just how unimpressed he was and just how much he could do without whatever Eliott was about to throw at him next.

“Lucas… I got your name tattooed on my ass last week.”

Lucas snorted, kicking Eliott’s leg while he was at it, “Fuck off, I know you didn’t.”

Eliott’s eyes were back on Lucas’ face, full intensity and all, the hint of a smile obviously etched into the corners of them.

“What?” Lucas asked when Eliott’s silent staring started to make him feel just the slightest bit too transparent. As much as Lucas was used to Eliott being Eliott, and as comforted as he felt by his presence, sometimes it all still became a bit much.

“Nothing. It’s good to see you laugh. I’ve missed it all day.”

The sincerity and softness in Eliott’s voice had enough power to make Lucas refrain from rolling his eyes. Instead, he felt a small smile spread on his face, something soft filling his body. And that was neither a new sensation, nor was it unexpected. It was just the same, familiar way in which Eliott tended to provoke his brain to go into short circuit and make him experience feelings that he could never quite pinpoint.

And in moments like this one, Lucas genuinely questioned if he had any conrtol at all. It was just going to be another memory piled on top of all the other ones he would not want to miss for the world.

**_17 and 19_ **

_Lucas had come out to Eliott when he was sixteen, tears streaming down his face and almost drowning him out completely. And that was just one of the many ways in which they differed. When Eliott had come out, he had done it with nothing more than a casual “not necessarily a girl though” thrown into a conversation in front of all of their friends._

_That same bluntness came back to take Lucas off guard one year later, on the 24 th of October. Later that night, they were lying down in bed, facing each other. It had been an exhausting but equally exciting day, filled with Daphné screeching at him about being gay and Basile asking questions that ran way too deep – “wait, so are you and Eliott dating?” _

_There was something in the air that night– a certain kind of tension between them that was new to Lucas. He was able to tell how focused Eliott was on him by the dilation of his pupils, and it made him feel a certain kind of unease that revealed itself through staggered breaths. And yes, Eliott’s bluntness wrecked his whole existence that night._

_“Lucas?...” Eliott said with the softest voice, eyes open and honest, “I love you.”_

_They had said it to each other before – many times even – but it was different this time, and Lucas’ body stilled completely, and so did his breath for just the slightest second._

_“Me too…” It was a whisper in a shatterable moment, truthful and fragile.  
_

_Eliott’s next words were drenched in a lot more intention, “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” Those were Eliott’s exact words. And just like that, Lucas knew exactly where the conversation was headed, and why it had felt like it would crumble before it had even begun.  
_

_“I think you’re the most beautiful person inside… and out,” Eliott continued, piercing eyes not ever leaving his face._

_Lucas scooted impossibly closer to Eliott then, his eyes starting to feel droopy from the force of the other boy's presence. He couldn't take his eyes off Eliott despite the heaviness surrounding them - maybe because of the heaviness surrounding them. And Eliott let him, his eyes looking right through Lucas, different hues of blue and green dancing to be remembered. As if Lucas could ever forget.  
_

_“It’s just that I don’t ever want anything to come between what we have. Do you get what I mean?”_

_“Yeah…” Lucas’ voice came out weak, barely audible to his own ears as rushing noises circulated in his ears._

_“What I mean is that I don’t trust myself not to mess it up… I just don’t ever want us to become strangers.” There was a pause and then Eliott scooted back on the bed, putting a little bit of distance between them._

_“Best friends, lovers, strangers. That’s how it goes,” he said looking Lucas straight in the eyes._

_Lucas simply stared at him, too taken off guard by Eliott’s words, and it was only when Eliott reached over, raising a hand to his cheek and gently swiping his thumb across it, that Lucas felt the wetness smear across his own skin._

_It was not long after that, and Eliott dragged him up from their spot on the bed, proclaiming that they would go out to party with Sofiane and the other boys. Eliott rekindled his relationship with Lucille that night, even though that ended up being short-lived, and Lucas drank, he kissed a stranger, and even took him home, not remembering all too much of it in the morning. And that had been the point.  
_

_Best friends it was._

_\--_

Lucas wasn’t constantly thinking about Eliott – he didn’t feel acutely heartbroken per se. It was more like some sort of chronic heartache that had become part of his life and which he had learned to live with. Then again, comparing his relationship with Eliott to a chronic condition didn’t sit quite right with him. More than anything, Eliott was and had always been there to brighten up his life and make things easier for him. Nothing was ever black and white, and their friendship or the way Lucas felt about it sure as hell were not either. There would always be those moments when he couldn’t help but feel physically sick because Eliott was kissng someone right in front of him, or because he was thinking of Eliott hooking up at the uni parties he had started going to. At the same time, it felt like their friendship dynamic was so set in stone that it never took him too long to recover, never took him too long to focus on protecting what they had. He would hold onto their friendship for dear life, and he was confident that Eliott would do the same. And that was all that mattered.

They had been sitting on that bus for a while now, both with their eyes on the passing traffic, and Lucas figured that Eliott was as caught up in his own thoughts as he was himself.

“Distract me some more?” he decided to break the silence, tilting his head to the side in question.

Eliott took his eyes off the road and raised his brows at Lucas, a considerate look in his eyes. “Did I tell you that Sofiane recommended me to that talent agency?”

“The dancing thing?”

“Yeah, the agency he got signed to. They sign models as well…”

Lucas paused for a moment. When he asked for a distraction, this was the last thing he had expected Eliott to say. And that said a lot considering that they really had known each other far too long for that to happen often.

“But you’re not…You want to be a model now?” Lucas wasn't even trying to hide the surprise in his voice, though it came out more outraged than he had intended. Eliott had never in the ten years that they had known each other mentioned that he was interested in modelling. It had always been something that people would joke about, Eliott’s looks not being lost on anyone, but Eliott had always laughed it off. Lucas' continuous impression had been that Eliott felt uncomfortable about the topic.

“I thought I might try? Make some money beside uni… I don’t have that many classes at the moment,” Eliott explained. He ran the back of his fingers over his lips and eyed Lucas cautiously before continuing, “You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“No, I mean it’s just… You know they’re just gonna exploit you for your looks, right? They’re not gonna care about your… feelings and stuff like that.”

Upon seeing the expression on Eliott’s face, Lucas did not only want to take back his words, he was actually about ready to punch himself in the face at least twice.

“I just meant that – ”

“That you don’t think I could handle it,” Eliott interrupted him. He was biting his nails now and Lucas was seconds away from jumping out of the bus just to throw himself in front of it.

He extended his leg, carefully brushing it against Eliott's. “Come on, no that’s not – ” but before Lucas could continue, Eliott reached out for him and hastily pulled on the sleeve of his jacket to yank him up.

“Shit, we have to get off here, Lucas. Let’s go!”

\--

They had made it out of the bus just in time, and Lucas knew that he must have looked as tense and pensive as he felt. Not only was there fear of what exactly was waiting for him at the hospital, but now he had also offended and probably hurt Eliott. Eliott, who quite literally had put his life on halt to support Lucas today.

When Lucas met his eyes though, he was met with patience and warmth, a toned-down version of the burning gazes Eliott liked to throw around like confetti. He made a small jump towards Lucas and pressed his hands onto his shoulders. The weight of it felt comfortable and Lucas payed close attention when Eliott brought their faces closer together, as if it was the only way for Lucas to hear him.

“Lucas. It’s fine, let’s just focus on seeing your mom,” he declared with a reassuring glint in his eyes.

Lucas could tell how sincere Eliott was being, and a part of him knew that he did not deserve that kind of support after reacting to Eliott’s news in the way that he had. But yet again, Eliott made it his mission to drown out those thoughts.

“Minute by minute,” he repeated his words from earlier, ruffling Lucas hair with a bright smile on his face. Lucas could only so much as stare at him in what felt an awful lot like being dumbfounded. And after several seconds of just standing there, Eliott sighed and started pulling him towards the hospital entrance.

At the end of the day, there were several things that had been established. Eliott had in fact been there with him all the way through, seeing his mother had in fact gone as well as it really could have, and the number 24 had in fact not lost its status as Lucas’ good luck charm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading <33 I hope you enjoyed it and I'm wishing you a splendid rest of the day (or night let's be real ;)...) Btw sorry for any mistakes, I proofread it but at a certain point it just gets tiring and I'm kinda blind when I spell-check my own writing.... 
> 
> Ps come find me on Tumblr, I live there: @chelouelou


	2. Mais Il Passe pas le Matelas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fellow mecs, chapter 2 is here :) It's around 10k, sorry about that. Just a heads up, in case you foolishly forgot ;): Il passe pas le matelas is a reference to Season 4 ep 1! and means the mattresse doesn't fit. Sorry in advance for any mistakes, I could only proof read once but I wanted to post today because I have a couple of busy days coming up.. Happy reading <3!

By the time December rolled in, it was time to accept the reality of frosty days - time for Lucas to accept that it would be dark when he left the house in the morning, just for it to be equally as gloomy when he got out of school in the afternoon. By the time December rolled around, it was time to get used to a world in which Eliott had been a model for almost an entire month.

Now, Lucas was no expert in any of this, but it had been brought to his attention that according to the norms and standards of the modelling world, a month of it really should not get anybody anywhere. What being friends with Eliott had taught him instead was that blowing up in just a little over one month was nothing worth mentioning whatsoever. Eliott had been signed the moment he set foot into that agency, and in a matter of no time, he had been booked for multiple fashion campaigns and made appearances on prestigious red-carpet events. Just a couple of weeks ago, Eliott’s Instagram account had practically been a fan page of his friends, his little sister, and his favorite film directors. Nowadays, it was updated multiple times a week, plastered with pictures of Eliott in full-on elite model mode.

Lucas didn’t necessarily get to see less of his friend but if he overthought it too much, he would notice how their time together had been cut short just the slightest bit lately. They had spent the majority of their teenage years in different high schools and seeing each other all day had been out of the question back then. Entering university, Eliott's schedule had started to be more flexible and free, but with Lucas still being in school almost all day, just trying to get through this last year, it wasn’t like they suddenly had more time for each other. One thing that had changed since Eliott had taken on this new job was that Lucas started receiving far less texts from his friend announcing how bored he was. During most days of the week Eliott would get booked for shootings while Lucas and the boys would end up studying the rest of the night, but there was always at least one day during the weekends when they got to hang out.

Lucas tried to be as supportive as possible. The guilt that had built up inside of him ever since his initial reaction to Eliott’s news was still floating over him every now and then – especially whenever Eliott would give Lucas those cautious, somewhat guarded eyes when they were talking about the recent jobs he got booked for.

 

 

**18 and 20 - 1 month ago**

_There were no more hazy clouds visible in the sky, the sun having set since they’ve entered the hospital and the dim lights of the street lanterns grazing everything with an orange glow._

_Eliott was beaming, he was bouncing – and he was doing it bathed in golden lights and dark shades. They had decided to walk to a further away bus stop as the buses were coming in less frequently at this hour of the night._

_“That went surprisingly well,” Lucas decided to cut through the silence that had settled between them. It was nowhere near any sort of uncomfortable silence, but Eliott’s bouncy mood urged Lucas on to engage with him._

_Eliott glanced at him from the side and abruptly stopped their walk by giving Lucas a quick squeeze and releasing a breathy sort of chuckle. Before Lucas even had the chance to reciprocate, Eliott was gone from his space already and kept on walking – now with a steady hand on Lucas’ back, who’s balance had staggered for a second._

_“I know, didn’t I tell you it would be?” Lucas knew that it was a rhetorical question, but even if it hadn’t been, there was no time to come up with any answer, because apparently Eliott had more to say. “Did you hear how the nurse said she could go back to assisted living next week already?”_

_It was Lucas’ turn to chuckle then – sometimes he forgot how much their own families were also each other’s family in a way. Sometimes he forgot how Eliott always had been able to connect with Lucas’ mother on a level he himself would never truly comprehend._

_“Yeah, I was there, I heard,” Lucas snorted, voice teasing as they stopped at a traffic light, their eyes briefly meeting. Eliott’s were shining with relief and happiness and as much as Lucas felt those feelings reflected in himself, there was one more thing he needed to set straight that night before he could embrace those feelings fully. He spotted a small café at the other side of the street, colorful fairy lights on the outside and warm lights on the inside, inviting enough for Lucas to make up his mind._

_“We’ve never been there,” Lucas pulled on the sleeve of Eliott’s jacket to get his attention and pointed at the café, “Check it out?”_

_Eliott gave him two quick nods and a beaming smile – the decision being made right then and there._

_.._

_“So?” Eliott eventually broke the silence, respective mugs of hot chocolate and some cake to share set on the table. His eyes were twinkling with curiosity and Lucas knew that his attempt at luring Eliott into this cozy space to talk had been anything but subtle._

_“I think it’s cool if you want to try modelling now,” Lucas finally managed to mumble as he started chewing on his lip. He meant what he was saying, but the way Eliott had momentarily shut down on him earlier was still haunting him. He briefly looked down to take a bite from the cake and when he looked back up, there was amusement playing on Eliott’s face as he raised an eyebrow at Lucas._

_“Oh yeah?”_

_“Yeah.” Lucas raised an eyebrow back at Eliott and shrugged, “It was probably bound to happen.”_

_Eliott blinked, different hues of blue, green, and grey shimmering in his eyes, “Are you giving me a compliment? Am I reading that right?”_

_Lucas rolled his eyes, his cheeks suddenly feeling warm without his permission or any ready explanation. It wasn’t like admitting that Eliott looked like the concept of being a ‘model’ personified was anything new or revealing. He kept on playing with his napkin and took a deep breath, fixing Eliott with a look he hoped conveyed how much he meant what he was saying._

_“What I said before, I didn’t mean it like you think. It’s just that I remember the time when that scout came up to you on the street, or when agents would send messages to you on Instagram. And you declined every single time,” Lucas paused briefly, making sure that Eliott was listening. Eliott was watching him with so much focus, Lucas had no choice but to continue, “But it’s not like you’re not allowed to change your mind. It’s probably going to be fun, and I’ll support you either way.”_

_The way Eliott was listening to him made Lucas feel like his words were diamonds. Eliott cleared his voice, eyes wandering to a spot above Lucas' head as he spoke up,“No, but you’re right. I wasn’t ever into the idea before, so I can’t really be offended. I mean shit, you just know me too well. And, honestly? I don’t even know if I’m all that sure about it now.”_

_Lucas nodded, trying to understand,“But then… what changed?”_

_“I talked to Sofiane, and some of his friends signed with the same agency. They were talking about travelling, meeting new people, making money and it just got me excited. And also… Sofiane's agent mentioned that it could get me connected with people in the industry…. Like people in film. Could be a good way to get a foot in the door.”_

_With just that last fragment of information, everything really started to come together in Lucas’ mind. If there was one thing about Eliott becoming a model that made sense – despite the fact that his looks were practically made for it – it was that he would probably do anything to facilitate making a career in the film industry. Whether dabbling in the modelling world really was a stepping stone for that was beyond Lucas’ scope of knowledge, but he guessed that those people knew what they were talking about – or at least he hoped so for Eliott’s sake._

_“Then you should try it,” he finally settled on saying. “Minute by minute,” he added with a wink. Lucas didn’t want to overuse the sentiment, but at the same time it felt like that was genuinely all Eliott could do in a situation like that._

_“You’re way too smooth,” Eliott shook his head, the expression on his face difficult to interpret._

_Lucas did his best to ignore the heat that once again rose to his cheeks. It always proved to be difficult when Eliott’s eyes were glinting like that. He decided to ignore it though and settled on a smirk instead, “But I’m warning you, Basile is gonna be annoying about it.”_

_Eliott laughed at that. “Only Basile? Idriss has already been testing me ever since Sofiane opened his big mouth, and I expect no less from the rest of the boys to be honest.”_

_Lucas grinned, nodding in agreement and full on grinning now, “But not me.”_

_Eliott leaned back in his chair, his maroon t-shirt stretching over his chest and around his shoulders in an awkward way and Lucas was fairly sure that it had belonged to him once._

_Eliott’s eyes were radiating playfulness. “Clearly.”_

_\--_

**18 and 20 - Now**

****

** Le gang 17:43 **

**Basile:** Boyyss what are the plans for the

            weekend?

**Lucas:** Remember Corentin?

**Arthur:** New guy?

**Lucas:** Yeah he asked me to go to some party…

           The girls are going too

**Yann** :  I’m in!

**Basile** : Let’s FUCK SHIT UP THIS WEEKEND

**Eliott** :  No wait there’s a house party

            I was gonna invite you guys anyway…

**Yann** :   We’re going

**Arthur** : Bingo.

**Lucas** :  Okay guys have fun

            Already said I’d go with Corentin

**Eliott** :   You’re ditching us?

             ouch

             You should come

**Basile** :   Fuck guys I’m so gonna get laid 

            @Eliott did you invite model friends?

**Lucas** :  You should have invited us sooner then

             I already said I’d go.

**Eliott** :   Yeah shit I forgot how busy high school

            kids are these days

            I’ll schedule with your assistant next time!!

            How far in advance do you suggest?

**Basile** :  @Eliott when does it start?

             Pre drinks at yours?

**Eliott** :   So are you in Lucas?

**Lucas** : … did you unlearn how to read?

            I made plans already

**Arthur** : *audio file*

 

He clicked on the audio file and burst out laughing immediately – it was a conditioned response at this point. Whenever there was some sort of argument, or even just a mild discussion going on, someone would send the audio file into the chat and make everyone forget why they had been arguing in the first place. Breaking tension had never been so easy.

**_“Mais il passe pas le matelas”_ **

Lucas still remembered the tears the boys and he had shed, laughing that day. Manon had moved out of the flat-share and given Lucas, Mika and Lisa the ultimatum to chose between the couch and the mattress. Eliott being the reliable best friend that he was, had done everything in his power to fight for Lucas’ wish to keep the mattress. Little did they know, Imane had filmed their whole play fight and sent it into the group chat right after. Later that day, when the boys and he had met up to play some video games, Arthur had played the cropped audio clip to them for the first time. Ever since that, Eliott yelling about how the mattress didn’t fit had become a meme and a running joke withing their entire friend group.

 

** Le gang 18:04 **

**Basile** :  HAHAHAHA

**Yann** :   Never gets old

**Lucas** :  Ahahah Arthur the best

**Eliott** :   Hahah shit I told you guys to stop with this…

**Lucas** :  Never gonna stop

**Eliott** :   So are you coming???

**Yann** :   DUDE omg he made plans already

**Lucas** :  Maybe I’ll drop by both parties

            Let me think about it

**Eliott** :  Ok

           It’s with people from Idriss’ faculty

           Could be cool to meet new people

**Lucas** : Talk later!

**Yann** :  Do it in private pls

 

Eliott replied with a thumbs up emoji and Lucas threw himself down on the bed, immediately staring up at the ceiling. He really had been invited to go out with the girls and Corentin. At this point, he was almost certain that the boy was coming on to him. Manon had brought him to the common room a couple of weeks ago because she had taken it upon herself to make the new guy feel included. Ever since Basile had made a passing comment about Lucas being gay in front of Corentin, he had definitely started putting an extra effort into chatting Lucas up every chance he got. Lucas hadn’t really thought much of it, but a couple of days ago Corentin casually mentioned an ex-boyfriend, and with that added information Lucas suspicions had risen to a tenfold.

He turned onto his side and tugged his right arm under his head. In the next moment he nearly pulled a muscle from how hard he flinched as he was met with two emerald eyes staring him down.

“Putain.”

**_15 and 17_ **

_“A cat…”_

_It was Lucas’ fifteenth birthday and exactly one month had passed since his mother had been institutionalized. It had also been a month since his dad left his life in Paris behind and moved to the South to do god knows what._

_“Yes, darling, it’s a kitten. What do you think?”_

_It was Lucas’ fifteenth birthday and he was staring at a cat. A cat with grey and white tiger stripes, emerald eyes that were pronounced by the white blaze sitting between them, and to top it all off, there was a green bow on top of its head. If he was to answer Eliott’s mother truthfully, he would end up having to apologize for his language for the rest of the night._

_“He hates her! That means we can keep her! Right mom?” Lucas had never seen Elina look this hopeful over the entirety of her lifespan. And Elina got excited over practically everything – she really was Eliott’s sister._

_“Right Lucas? What are you gonna do with a cat anyway?” She looked up at him from where she was crouching down over the little kitten, her eyes grey and hopeful._

_Lucas ignored her for the moment, shaking his and directing his next words at Alice. “But… You’re giving me a cat for my birthday?!” Admittedly, the words came out sounding more accusing than intended._

_“Alice, I told you we should have asked him first,” Eliott’s dad chimed in, eyeing his wife with a good-natured eyebrow-raise._

_“Well, what do you think?” She ignored her husband’s words and smiled at Lucas with more warmth than he felt capable ever getting used to, even with Eliott being a constant in his life.  
_

_Four pairs of Demaury eyes were fixed on him. Eliott’s parents both with apprehension hiding behind their gazes, Elina still with hope written all over her face, and then there was Eliott – sitting on the other side of the couch table, amusement plainly visible on his face, and from what Lucas could tell, laughter barely contained. In essence, Eliott had written ‘asshole’ all over his face – but those were not necessarily news._

_“You knew about this?” He cut right to the point, his mouth gaping, as he stared Eliott down._

_“It was Eliott’s idea!” Elina chimed in, her eyes twinkling mischievously as she looked back and forth between Lucas and Eliott – and once again, yes, she really was Eliott’s sister, no doubts._

_Alice caught Lucas’ attention again as she walked over to him and put a warm hand on his cheek, “Eliott might have mentioned that you wanted to have a cat when you were little. And as we understood, your dad's allergies just never allowed for that to happen.”_

_She pinched his cheek and continued to rub his arm as Lucas remained speechless. “Now that you moved into the flat-share, we thought it was about time you got a little fluffy friend to keep you some company.”_

_Lucas smiled at her, feeling absolutely overwhelmed with the love and warmth this family continued to shower him with. He bit his lip and tried to hold back the tears that he could feel prickling at the back of his eyes. “I’ll have to ask my roommates first. I mean I just moved in there…”_

_“We did think that far! Eliott talked to them,” Eliott’s dad chimed in, eyes smiling gently behind his glasses._

_Lucas’ head whipped around to face Eliott, hope starting to well up in his chest. “They’re cool with it?”_

_Eliott’s smile was soft and so were his eyes when he shrugged, “Yeah but neither of them is gonna clean the litterbox, just so you know.”_

_Lucas had never been the best at keeping his tears at bay – But if there was one place in the world where he was not even ashamed of that in the slightest, then it had to be the Demaury household, hands down._

_“I don’t even know what to say… Thank you.”  
_

_“Oh, sweetie, come here,” Alice cooed, kissing his cheek and flashing her brightest smile at him._

_“But can I choose her name?” Elina shouted from where she had settled down beside Eliott, cuddling into his side with a playful frown on her lips, Eliott patting her head in amusement._

_Lucas smiled at her, nodding, “Sure, what do you want to call her?”_

_“I wanna call her Luna. Lucas and Luna… Just like Elina and Eliott.”_

_Lucas snorted, and he heard Eliott do the same."That’s cute… Hey Luna," he whispered, picking up his new kitten as carefully as possible._

_“Yayy!” Elina screeched, raising her hands in victory._

_Eliott laughed, tickling his sister and squeezing her in a tight hug. He picked her up despite her height and dragged her over to where Lucas was familiarizing himself with Luna. Eliott dropped his sister back onto the floor and nuzzled into Lucas’ side, immediately starting to play with Luna’s nose._

_“Welcome to the family Luna Lallemant,” Eliott whispered and Lucas almost filled dizzy with how full his heart felt._

_\--_

Luna was still staring at him when Lucas’ felt a smile spread across his face – going back to that memory would always make him feel warm inside. Luna, three years older and ten years naughtier, was apparently not too fond of his smile, choosing that moment to stand up, turn around and settle down again – this time with her butt facing Lucas. It was classic Luna, and if Mika or Lisa were to enter his room right then, just to find Lucas lying on his bed and laughing his face off, then so be it. He turned onto his back and blindly searched the bed for his phone.

 

** Idriss 19:00 **

**Lucas:** Hey, there’s a party happening this weekend?

**Idriss:** Yeah bro!

Eliott invited you guys?

**Lucas:** He did. Is that cool?

**Idriss:** Are you crazy? Of course.

**Lucas:** I’ll see if I can make it but can I bring someone?

**Idriss:** DUDE???

Yes you can!!!

**Lucas:** It’s not like that

I just made plans already so it’s only fair

**Idriss:** Whatever you say 😉 Pre drinks at our place

** Corentin 19:30 **

**Lucas:**       Would you be up for going to a uni party this Friday instead?

**Corentin** : Oh? You have uni friends or something?

**Lucas** :      Yeah. They just let me know today…

                  It’s fine if you don’t want to though.

**Corentin** :  If you wanna go, I’m in 😊

**Lucas** :      Okay, you live by the school right?

**Corentin** : Yes

**Lucas** :        I’ll send you my address and we can walk to my friends’ place together

                   It’s all on the way

**Corentin** :  Sounds good, looking forward to it 😊

**Lucas** :       Okay cool see you Friday then :)

 

\--

 

It was Thursday afternoon and one thing had led to another, so now they were all spread out throughout the coloc’s living room, spending a lazy afternoon together. Eliott had texted Lucas, saying that him and Idriss were in the neighborhood and asking if they should drop by. Imane had joined them an hour later, after visiting Manon next door. The combination of the four of them spending time together was as much of a blast as it was a nuisance.

“By the way, did you guys know that Lucas is hiding stuff from me now?”

Lucas almost got whiplash from how quickly he turned his head to look at Eliott, his mouth gaping, “Excuse me?”

“You never mentioned this guy… Corentin.” Eliott was waggling his eyebrows, and Lucas hated the fact that it did not make him look as ridiculous as it should.

“Are you serious… Why would I mention him? He’s just some new guy.”

“Huh?” Imane decided that this was a good time to join the conversation, looking up from where she had been occupied with her phone for a while now. “Sure, just some new guy who fell in love at first sight when he saw Lucas sleeping on the common room couch.”

“Girl what’s your problem?” Lucas hissed, wishing he was more surprised about the fact that Imane had just thrown him under the bus like that, leaving him behind to fend for himself.

Imane simply shrugged one shoulder, a smirk on her face, “You wouldn’t know, you were sleeping. And trust me I was just as shocked as you are. You snore when you sleep, it’s disturbing. Don’t know what he would see in that.”

Idriss re-entered the room just on cue, announcing himself with an “Ouhhh, Lucas I love when you’re here and Imane drags you instead of me.”

“Idriss you can sit down, nothing will ever disgust me more than seeing you drool in your sleep.”

Eliott laughed his loudest, brightest laugh and Imane shot him a grin, winking as she was at it. Lucas could only watch on with a warm feeling engulfing his heart. He would never not be thankful for the way their friend groups just sort of merged and matched. Much to his own demise, that feeling of gratefulness only lasted for a hot minute because the universe hated him, and Imane dragging Idriss had not been enough of a distraction for Eliott.

“So… Corentin,” Eliott pressed the subject, his eyes burning with insistence. It came out more like a statement than a question and Lucas felt like he could probably just leave it at that. He genuinely had nothing to share– if anything, he himself probably had more questions about Corentin than the rest of the people in this room combined.

Idriss leaned forward on the couch with a bag of chips in his hands, watching Lucas with concentration visible in the deep line between his brows, “Is he the guy you’re bringing to the party tomorrow?”

Lucas’ eyes instinctively found Eliott, and as expected, his eyes – grey in this lighting – were already looking right back at him. And Lucas could only describe this particular stare as passive aggressive question mark, very intentionally stabbing him. It was something Eliott mastered to the maximum.

“Stop that,” Lucas said, rolling his eyes at Eliott’s dramatics. He lay down on the couch and stared at the ceiling, already anticipating the reality of Eliott not letting this go.

“All I’m saying is that you didn’t tell me. And that’s weird.” Lucas could hear the shrug and the put-on nonchalance in his friend’s voice and all of it was giving him a little bit of a headache. Somehow, he felt like he had missed a part of his own life story, and now everyone was already one step ahead of him, putting this great significance to Corentin’s presence in his life – when in reality, all they had done so far was some harmless flirting and holding small talk in the common room.

“You’re gonna meet him tomorrow anyway, so what’s there to tell?”

“Yeah, but why didn’t you just mention it, we’ve been hanging out all afternoon.”

“I didn’t tell you, forgive me.” Lucas made sure that the sarcasm in his voice was unmistakable. “I also only convinced him to go to that party because you kept on insisting, so you should thank me, and you can drop it now. And before you ask, I only told Idriss because he knows the people who throw the party.”

Eliott shrugged, still staring at Lucas as if he had betrayed him in some way. “Okay well, can’t wait to meet him.”

Lucas felt his eyes narrow on their own accord, as he petulantly kept a steady gaze on Eliott. Two could play this game, and when Lucas knew that he was in the right, he would not cave in that easily. He could practically feel how Eliott slowly backed down, the passive aggressiveness in his eyes being replaced with something closer to amusement and the edges of his face turning into something softer, something more like the Eliott Lucas didn’t want to strangle.

In one moment Lucas felt a weight being pulled off his chest, as Eliott started snickering, raising his hands up in defeat, and in the next moment he was hit in the face with a pillow, their laughs mixing and mingling and any of his anxieties pushed aside for the minute.

Imane and Idriss burst out laughing at the same time, and Lucas decided that his friends were definitely more of a blessing than a nuisance - at the very least for today.

\--

Corentin was all dorkiness, directness and a tad of awkwardness embodied by broad shoulders, dark curls and hazel eyes. Lucas was so used to seeing him in snapbacks and sweatpants that he had to do a double take when they met in front of the coloc. It was already dark outside, but his styled hair, tight jeans and the turtleneck peeking out from under his jacket were unmistakable in the orange street lantern light.

They greeted each other with a quick hug, which was definitely a first, and got on their way to Idriss’ and Sofiane’s place. Corentin playfully bumped into his shoulder as they kept a steady speed, trying to get out of the cold as quick as possible, “It’s gonna be a bunch of straight guys and us two? Sounds fun.”

Corentin poked him in the the side and winked, and Lucas had next to no doubts left that he was being flirted with. Rather than spending too much time overthinking it though, he shrugged, something else coming to mind.

“Well, Eliott’s pan.”

“Okay, wait.” Corentin was practically gaping at him now, “You’re telling me Eliott, best friend Eliott, model-like looking Eliott, plastered all over your Instagram Elliott is not straight?”

Lucas was not going to comment on the fact that neither of them followed each other on Instagram yet and shrugged his shoulders instead, “You really have been paying attention, haven’t you?”

There was silence between them for a moment and before it could get too uncomfortable, Corentin decided to speak up again, this time a suggestive undertone present in his voice, “Is he single?”

Lucas actually physically stopped at that, and Corentin got the memo, halting as well with a giant grin on his face.

“Are you joking right now?”

Corentin laughed and ran a hand through his own hair, shaking his head, “I totally am, yes. I am absolutely joking. I prefer to be taller anyway.”

Lucas felt the corners of his mouth twitch as he nodded his head in acknowledgement, not wanting to give away just how relieved he was. This would not have been the first time that someone ditched him to try and pursue Eliott instead.

“But uhm, you guys seem to be close?”

They were walking again, and Lucas didn’t have to look at Corentin to know what was being indicated. He felt himself swallow, thinking over his next words carefully.

“Eliott’s like…” he had to pause again because the word ‘brother’ just didn’t sit quite right with him, “He’s family. It’s not like that,” he finally settled on explaining.

Corentin released an exaggerated breath and nodded, “Good to know. So, are you ready to show off your dance moves tonight, or what?”

Lucas snorted, slightly impressed by the way Corentin just let the conversation flow, “Ask me again after the vodka kicks in.”

“Okay noted. So, is that the drink of choice? Just asking for a friend.”

“I’m really not that picky…” Lucas smiled, and after another beat of silence he decided that Corentin shouldn't carry the whole conversation by himself. “What about you?”

“Oh, you’re gonna try and buy me a drink later?” Corentin asked and Lucas laughed at the bluntness of it, deciding to keep the answer to himself.

“Beer. I’m not that picky either,” the other boy gave in after all. They had just reached Idriss’ and Sofiane’s apartment complex.

Lucas nodded, “Okay, I see... We’re here.”

\--

In the end what happened was exactly what Lucas had been trying to avoid with his life. They were the last ones to arrive at the flat-share – and with that came the awkwardness of all attention being on them. Uncomfortable greetings were pre-programmed, and that was something Lucas could simply have done without. Basile shouted way too excitedly about how cool it was to see Corentin again. In reality, they had only talked to each other once before, but with Basile’s dramatics, one might have thought they were long lost friends. Idriss was smirking at him far too much for it to be considered healthy, and then there was Sofiane – Sofiane being the _dad friend_ that he was, coming over to them and shaking Corentin’s hand as if he had just gotten engaged to Lucas. In essence, not much to his surprise, the only people Lucas could count on ended up being Yann, Arthur and Eliott. Especially Eliott, who didn’t even bother to get up from his spot on the couch, holding a joint to his lips and simply nodding at them in greeting, before going back to his conversation with Yann.

There was a moment in which Lucas genuinely had to bite his tongue to not get caught up on the fact that Eliott was combining alcohol and weed. Just a couple of days ago he had texted Lucas about wanting to lay low with that stuff for a while, to many important shootings coming up for him on top of finals kicking his ass.

They started drinking, chatting, and playing _God of War,_ and time had flown by when Idriss made his way over to the all too familiar second-hand shelf to put on a record. Lucas’ eyes immediately flitted over to where Eliott was sitting when he recognized exactly what record had been put on. True to his nature, Eliott started tapping his fingers on his lap, taking the joint back from Yann and bouncing his head as he took another drag from it. Lucas felt an involuntary smile creep onto his lips, too many memories of Eliott jumping around, carefree and cheerful, piling up inside of his mind. However, on second thought, there was a hint of something restless, almost uneasy mixing itself into Lucas’ stomach. Eliott had been rather quiet all night, mostly talking to Yann and Sofiane and even now, as he was moving to the beat of the music, the lightheartedness was missing. Lucas sometimes wished he wouldn’t pick up on these sort of things – but he did.

“Dubstep on a vinyl. That’s different.” Corentin’s voice pulled Lucas out of his own head and he momentarily felt himself frown at the boy next to him, not entirely sure if the statement had been directed at him or not.

“Eliott was in charge of bringing music today,” Idriss offered, a huge grin on his face as he placed some more snacks onto the table.

“But it’s cool right?” Sofiane’s eyes flitted back and forth between Eliott and Corentin. He had barely left Eliott’s side ever since the night started and Lucas started wondering if something was going on and if so, why he was kept out of the loop.

He felt Corentin shrug beside him, “Yeah it’s just different. Normally I listen to stuff like The Clash, Rolling Stones…” he reached over and patted Lucas’ head once, “Kind of like Lucas here.” Lucas looked over and puffed out a laugh. He remembered the time they discovered having a similar music taste on a chill afternoon in the school yard.

Eliott nodded in acknowledgement and looked up at the ceiling, blowing out the smoke ever so slowly. Once there was nothing left to blow out, he lowered his head and looked back and forth between Lucas and Corentin, “I brought Nirvana too. I can put it on if you want,” he shrugged. His eyes were gleaming, unwavering, and Lucas couldn't help noticing something unfamiliar hiding under the surface.

“No, no it’s cool! I was just saying that it’s different,” Corentin assured in a casual tone, smiling at Eliott.

Eliott nodded, putting out the joint in the ashtray on the couch table, “Corentin, wasn't it? So, how are you liking the new school then? Settled in yet?”

Something Lucas had noticed over the years of knowing Eliott was that even though his eyes almost always had a certain glint to them, there were also always different suggestions hiding within them. The change of vibrancy in his eyes would always be very subtle, but with each little change, they also carried a different meaning.

Lucas was almost certain that in this very moment, Corentin and even most of the boys, did not notice anything striking in Eliott’s expression. His expression could absolutely pass as looking interested, just wanting to make conversation – friendly even. However, Lucas had to pause for a moment – he had to stop listening to the ongoing conversation, stop taking sips from his beer, and stop taking in anything around him, except for the electricity in Eliott’s eyes.

Sometimes Eliott’s eyes were analogous to an illusion – and this was one of those moments. Depending on how long Lucas looked at them, he would end up seeing two completely different things. Whenever Eliott looked at people in that particular way, Lucas ended up being slightly put off by it. He was put off by the fact that he no longer had a read on Eliott. In those times, different questions would go through his mind – was Eliott smiling with his eyes, or was he glaring? Did Eliott agree with whatever was being said or did he disagree? Was the liveliness in his eyes driven by curiosity or by challenge?

In these moments, Lucas’ interpretation would change whenever he took another glance at his friend, just like with an illusion. And that sort of deception didn’t quite fit the image of the Eliott he knew inside and out – because even though Lucas could tell that Eliott’s eyes were blurring the truth, he also remained clueless as to what was actually going on in Eliott’s head.

“… right Lucas?”

Lucas snapped out of it. His eye skittered around the room and he was relieved to realize that people weren’t paying too much attention to him zoning out like that. “Sorry, what?”

Corentin snorted, “I was just telling them how welcoming you and the girls were towards me. Made adapting to a new school so much easier.”

“Oh, yeah? That’s good. I’m glad.”

“Well cheers to that!” Yann announced, raising his glass and smiling in their direction.

“And you, Eliott? You’re studying?” Corentin sounded genuinely interested, his arms lazily resting on the backrest of the couch.

“I’m in film school, yeah,” Eliott nodded, his voice matching Corentin’s.

“And he’s a model! Elite model!!” Basile chimed in, seemingly out of nowhere. It was a mystery to Lucas, how Basile had managed to keep track of their conversation in the first place, as he was still heavily invested in playing _Gods of War._

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Corentin offered, a friendly smile on his face before he looked over at Lucas and raised two eyebrows. Lucas was not quite sure if he was supposed to understand some sort of inside joke, but he simply returned the gesture, not seeing any harm in it.

“Why?” Eliott asked, and Lucas almost flinched at the blankness in his voice. Eliott was staring at Corentin with impassive eyes.

“No, I mean you just have the look, that’s all,” Corentin stumbled over his words, and Lucas could almost feel the boy’s laid back posture fade as he sat up a little bit straighter, his arms falling back down beside him.

At this point Lucas was confident that Eliott was in a mood. For whatever reason that may have been. And for Eliott's sake, he just wished that people would use their eyes and empathy skills a little more sufficiently. He could not quite wrap his head around why they couldn't just switch the topic, just leave Eliott to join back into the conversation when he felt like it. But naturally, that was never going to happen.

“I’m surprised you’re not fucking one of the other models yet, bro. You’re not holding out on us, are you?”

Lucas liked Idriss, he really did – he considered him a good friend and would defend his stance on that any day. But sometimes he just wished that Idriss would acquire the concept of thinking before speaking, preferably sooner rather than later.

“Don’t be shallow,” Eliott deadpanned, not hiding his annoyance whatsoever, and yeah, Lucas really had seen that one coming.

“But seriously bro. What’s the problem? They got the looks but not the brains or something?”

“That’s what you think, is it? Just a bunch of brainless objects, nice to look at and waiting to be picked up?”

Eliott’s tone was cutting through the room and the unease in Lucas’ stomach started to become more and more prominent, his heart on the verge of beating just a tad bit too fast to be considered normal.

“Bro, sometimes you’re more sensitive than my sister, I swear. It was just a joke. You know I don't think that,” Idriss raised his hands, obviously trying for a teasing tone to lighten the mood but failing miserably – Eliott was having none of it, blinking at his friend with no traces of amusement visible on his face.

Lucas’ mind was churning. He knew that saying anything too serious now, would only make the situation more awkward. In essence, he knew that Idriss didn’t truly mean what he had said. But Lucas also knew that it was a sensitive topic for Eliott. He would get over it, and not hold a grudge against Idriss, it wasn't really in his nature. But knowing Eliott, he was probably going to internalize every word that had been said, and that was still more damage done than Lucas wished for him.

He did not get to worry about how to intervene for too long though, because just a moment later, Basile did what Basile did best – he lost all and any sense of having a brain and pulled out his phone – and then he pulled the trigger by simply pressing ‘play’.

**_“Mais Il passe pas le matelas.”_ **

It was cruel – because at this point it really was a conditioned response to laugh whenever that audio file was being played. And unfortunately, this time was not the exception.

At the very least, Eliott no longer looked hurt, nor was he staring daggers at Idriss. Instead, his eyes widened in confusion before he briefly closed them and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment. The laughter died down fairly quickly after that, everyone being well aware that it was an inappropriate reaction given the situation.

Basile however, was doing that thing where he went from full on laughing to some sort of awkward puffing, looking back and forth between Eliott and the rest of the room, “It’s funny!”

“Basile, it’s not funny,” Lucas finally managed to say, his voice steady as he shook his head in accusation.

In the end, it was Sofiane who came through, being the hero of the night. He clapped his hands together and threw an arm around Eliott, shaking him gently. “Okay, well. I say let’s get going? I think it’s been a stressful week for most of us, let’s party it out.”

 

\--

 

As they were making their way over to the party, Sofiane and Eliott stayed behind. When Lucas turned around, he saw Eliott with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, head hanging low as Sofiane was talking to him.

Lucas was glad that Eliott had Sofiane in his life. The boy somehow just had a way with comforting words and touches, and they had been friends long enough for Eliott to really open up to him. Lucas was somewhat lingering as well now, hoping he would get a chance at talking to Eliott as soon as the opportunity arised. Corentin was a few feet ahead, talking animatedly with Yann and Basile, and Lucas was glad that his newfound friend was social enough to engage with other people, when Lucas himself was just a little bit too distracted to be good company.

Sofiane suddenly skipped past him, and when Lucas turned around to join Eliott, he noticed that there was nobody left walking behind him.

“Sofiane!” he called out, catching up to the boy who had just joined Arthur and Idriss. “Where’d he go?”

“He said he didn’t feel like going anymore. He has a shooting in the morning…” Sofiane said, giving him a meaningful glance.

Lucas nodded, considering the words. It didn’t take long for him to make up his mind, and he quickly reached out to grab Corentin’s arm and pulled him aside, so they were falling back a few steps behind the other’s.

What it came down to in the end was that Eliott was feeling down right now. And whether that was solely based on tonight’s events or if there was more to it, didn’t really matter. Eliott was feeling down and he was all by himself, so Lucas would try to make it all better, at least give him some company.

“Rain check?” he said, not stalling around whatsoever. There was no point in doing that since he was leaving either way.

Corentin chuckled quietly, “Sure,” he said and made them both stop, tilting his head to the side as he looked at Lucas, “You know, choosing to help your friend over going to some party is only gonna make me like you more to be quite honest.”

Lucas felt a smile twitching on his lips. If anything good had come out of tonight’s events, it was everything he had learned about Corentin and the way he carried himself. And since there were genuinely no traces of bitterness in the boy’s reaction, Lucas had no doubt that he would get to explore that even further in the future – and that was a thought worth warming up to.

“I felt bad about ditching the girls anyway. I’ll probably join them…”

That made Lucas laugh in surprise, “Are you serious? You should’ve said something…”

“Oh well.”

“Yeah, oh well. I’ll see you next week?”

“You bet.”

\--

After jogging around the corner and up to the next traffic light, Lucas was sure that Eliott must have taken the bus and there was no point in trying to catch up with him. He considered texting his friend for a brief moment, but that idea was thrown out of the window just as quickly – if Eliott was still feeling agitated at this very moment he would only tell Lucas to back off and not let him come inside in the first place. The air was particularly chilled tonight– and unsurprisingly so. Lucas had forgotten his jacket at Idriss’ and Sofiane’s place, and his body was certainly not thanking him for that.

When Lucas finally reached Eliott’s flat, he immediately rang the door-bell, rubbing his hands together in quick motions to get some warmth, but failing miserably. His phone vibrated, and it did not come as a surprise when he found a text from Eliott telling him not to play babysitter and to go back to the party. Lucas was not sure whether he should feel honored or offended about the fact that he was the first person that came to Eliott’s mind when he heard the door-bell ring. After a couple more minutes of texting back and forth, Eliott finally pressed the buzzer and Lucas pushed the door open in relief, his fingers frozen and the rest of his body not being in a much better state.

Once he had finally made it upstairs, and entered the apartment, it only took one look at Eliott to fill him with the urge to go over there and give him a hug – give him any form of comfort, really. Eliott just looked so tired, and Lucas could tell that there was more to it, that something must have been building up to this moment – this was not just about Idriss’ insensitivity, and it was not just about _Il passe pas le matelas_. Eliott’s eyes did a quick motion up and down Lucas’ body, followed by a visible sigh and a subtle headshake. He went inside of his bedroom, but before Lucas could worry too much about Eliott potentially locking himself in there and ignoring him for the rest of the night, he re-entered the hallway with a fluffy throw blanket in his arms. He wordlessly handed it over to Lucas and all Lucas could do was to take it from him, a million words stuck inside of his throat.

Eliott had changed into grey sweatpants and a dark t-shirt, and he walked past Lucas with slow, steady steps, right into the living room. They were way past formalities in their friendship, and it was not like Lucas usually had to wait for Eliott to invite him inside – but it felt slightly different tonight, there was something fragile floating all around them only waiting to be broken and Lucas found himself fidgeting in front of the living room door.  

Eliott crouched down onto the floor picking up the pens and papers that were scattered on the ground.

“You’ve been drawing? You don’t have to stop because I’m here, I'll just sit –”

“Lucas, I don’t need you here. You can come in and warm yourself up, and then grab one of my jackets and go babysit Basile. He needs it much more, clearly.”

Lucas took off his shoes and made his way over to the couch, pulling the blanket over his shoulders and drawing up his knees towards his chest as he settled down. When Eliott remained sitting on the floor, drawing utensils now securely packed up in a little box, Lucas cleared his throat.

“Basile was just being stupid. He wasn’t thinking, you know he’s dumb like that.”

Eliott sat up against the wall, his eyes finding Lucas’. All Lucas could see was the tiredness etched into every little corner of Eliott’s face, as his eyes lazily traced Lucas’ body before meeting his gaze again. “I don’t feel like talking about it. At least not right now.”

“Okay, well. Then we won’t,” Lucas decided, putting as much effort as possible into making sure Eliott understood that there was no pressure whatsoever.

Eliott nodded slightly, his index finger starting to brush over his lip absentmindedly. “You know you can tell me things too, right? You can tell me about who you like. I want to know what’s going on in your life too,” he finally settled on saying, his voice wavering, and it made Lucas’ heart drop – made him feel stupid.

“Hey… And I will. It’s just that there’s nothing to tell at this point, Eliott. Everybody is making this into something that it really isn’t. Yes, Corentin and I are both into guys, we’ve flirted a bit, and I invited him to come out tonight because we were gonna go out with the girls anyway. But that’s it, and you know all of that. And I didn’t tell anyone anything. They just saw me talk to another guy who’s not straight and made up their minds about it. I promise you’ll be the first person to know if there’s something more to tell.”

Eliott ran a hand over his face, taking a deep breath. “Okay. I’m sorry…”

“No, don’t – it’s fine. I’m sorry too.”

Eliott kept looking at him briefly, only for his eyes to drift away whenever their gazes met. Everything about him screamed dazed and tired and for once his eyes were not glinting or piercing through Lucas’. When Eliott’s eyes met his once more, Lucas took it to his advantage and patted the spot on the couch beside him, motioning with his head for Eliott to come join him. There was a small smile visible in Eliott’s eyes now – it may have been just a hint of a smile, but Lucas would take any process he could get at this point.

Eliott made his way over to the couch and when he sat down, they both turned onto their sides, leaning their elbows on the backrest and facing each other. Lucas swallowed down the feeling of wanting to reach out, buried it somewhere deep inside of him, together with all of the other out of bounds related feelings he had for Eliott.

“It’s much more work than I would have thought, the modelling… I don’t really want to talk about it but some of the things I’ve noticed happening to other models, or like the way some clients abuse their power, it’s…” Eliott halted, releasing a long breath as he fixed his eyes on a spot above Lucas’ head.

“I just don’t want to regret doing this. Feeling like I’m doing everything wrong is just too much. I haven’t told you this, because I don’t think I’ll do it, but my agent suggested that I should try switching to an online film school… And I’m considering it, because a degree is a degree, you know? Don’t get me wrong, a lot of the jobs have been so much fun, and I’ve met so many cool people. But it’s scary to think that I may just have altered my life path for good… And what if I’ll only regret it later on?”

Lucas felt so much emotion well up inside of him, he felt his eyes widening on their own accord, felt a strong urge to protect Eliott from all of this as he reached out and placed a hand on Eliott’s shoulder until the other boy finally looked at him. “But this is just one chapter of your life, right? And it could be just one really short one. You’re still gonna be in film school regardless. All of this doesn’t have to mean anything in the long run as long as you’re enjoying it now. In the end it’s still gonna be up to you how you’re writing this chapter, and when you’ll close it. And if you end up regretting something, you’ll start over – you’ll turn back and just do what you wanna do in that moment.”

Eliott’s eyes were swimming and he swallowed, likely trying to keep his composure. He stopped avoiding Lucas’ eyes and after some more beats of silence, he shrugged, a smile breaking out on his face, “So now life is made up of book chapters? No more parallel universes?”

Lucas laughed in surprise, his shoulders sagging in relief. “Why can’t it be both? In every universe there’s a different book with endless chapters… Or several different books even.”

Eliott was biting his lip, his eyes still tired, but there was a hint of an amused glint back in them now. “Could it be a movie as well?”

Lucas snorted, rolling his eyes and giving Eliott a soft shove where his hand was still resting on his shoulder, “Sure. It could be a movie as well. And I am going to support all of your movies, so are we good?”

Eliott nodded, putting his hand over Lucas’ where it was resting on his shoulder. Lucas had to ignore the way it simultaneously felt all too familiar and made his insides twitch with excitement at the same time.

 “Okay,” Eliott finally said, taking his hand back and resting his head on the couch backrest. “Maybe I like that idea. You’re so wise,” he finished with a smile, bright enough to turn his eyes into little crescent moons.

Lucas narrowed his eyes, considering Eliott’s words, “You know I don’t actually make the rules, right? It’s not actually my theory.”

“Yeah but it is. It is in my eyes anyway.”

Lucas faltered for a moment when he noticed the resolution in Eliott’s voice, in his words, and even in his tired eyes. And sometimes it was just nice, feeling like Eliott might actually be seeing him in a similar light to the one he saw Eliott in. He decided not to dwell on the feeling for too long though, focusing on the task at hand – hence making sure that Eliott was in fact doing better.

“How about we actually watch a movie then?”

 Eliott stretched his arms out and tilted his head to the side. “Now?”

“Yeah?” Lucas shot back in the same questioning tone.

“You don’t wanna join the other’s? What about your friend?”

Lucas shook his head, making a vague gesture with his hand. “He left to hang out with the girls. It’s fine I’ll make it up to him.”

He could see the guilt building up in Eliott’s eyes and it was mixed with something else that he could not decipher. The guilt however, was something Lucas could work with, so he decided to start with that. Before Eliott could even think of trying to apologize for something that wasn’t his fault, Lucas made sure he beat him to it.

“Don’t bother apologizing,” he said straight to the point, narrowing his eyes and pointing a playful warning finger in Eliott’s direction.

They cared about each other, and for the longest time now, that had been Lucas’ only constant in his life – and if Eliott needed him to be there, he would be there. Just as much as Eliott had been there for him a month ago to visit his mother, or when he had gone through his sexuality crisis, or way back when they were eight and ten years old and Lucas’ dad had not come to pick him up from the community center. In the end of the day they were family. And no house party or freshly established friendship should ever be prioritized over that – in Lucas’ head it just was that simple.

\--

“Ok, so which movie?”

Eliott puffed out air through pursed lips, looking a little bit stumped. “To be honest, I’m too tired to pay attention. Let’s just check what’s on TV?”

Lucas leaned over towards the coffee table to get the remote and switched on the TV. After skipping through several programs, he found something considerable, “Rerun of Fort Boyard?”

Eliott cuddled into Lucas’ side, simply humming in agreement right against his shoulder. Lucas put down the remote control, carefully ridding himself of the blanket, Eliott’s body already radiating enough warmth. Eliott sneaked his arms around Lucas’ middle and sighed, “I like the laundry detergent you’re using.”

Lucas had to chuckle at that. “Oh yeah?”

He felt Eliott nod and couldn’t help but smile, the anxieties of the night all washed away at this point. “Okay. I could tell you what brand it is…”

“No… I like that it’s yours, you know?” Eliott’s voice came out a little dazed and Lucas had no doubts that he would fall asleep in no time.

Eliott felt like he always felt – warm, familiar and safe, and Lucas had gotten used to the feeling of just not ever wanting to let go of him a long time ago. He would hold on as long as Eliott would let him. Sometimes Lucas caught himself thinking about parallel universes in which they didn’t meet as children – universes in which they never established this set-in- stone dynamic that was more precious to them than anything else. But he also could never bring himself to actually wish he could switch places with any other Lucas, because if there was one thing he was certain of, it was that they had been meant to meet when they did - and he would not exchange those ten years worth of memories for anything.

Lucas heard a buzzing sound and found Eliott’s phone lying next to him on the couch. “Imane texted you.”

Eliott took a deep exaggerated breath as he slid down and laid with his head in Lucas’ lap, lifting up his arm and wiggling his thumb around until Lucas understood. He took Eliott’s offered finger and pressed it onto the home button to unlock the phone.

“Okay. What does she want?” Eliott mumbled into Lucas’ stomach as he turned onto his side.. Lucas was glad about the assigned task, any distraction from the bubbly feeling that had started building in his stomach being welcome.

“Her parents lost their key and Idriss has the spare. She can’t reach Idriss or Sofiane. Oh wait, she’s typing…”

As Lucas waited for her next message, he started dragging his fingers through Eliott’s hair with his free hand, managing to get him to lean back just a little bit. His eyes got caught on a sad face emoji in the chat history and moved up on their own accord.

 

** Superior Bakhellal **

**Superior Bakhellal:** there was a time when I felt bad for you guys

                                   but at this point I just think you enjoy suffering…

**Eliott** :                         ☹

**Superior Bakhellal** :  <3!

 

The messages were from the day before, just around the time when Imane and Idriss had left Lucas’ place and now the buzzing feeling in Lucas’ stomach was changing in its nature, his fingers halting where they had been running through Eliott’s hair.

“And?” Eliott’s tired voice made Lucas glance at the most recent message Imane had sent. He swallowed, putting the phone back down on the couch.

“Uhm, she reached Sofiane… It’s all good.”

“Good, I really wasn’t in the mood to go out again right now…” Eliott murmured, his voice becoming more faint and slower.

“Yeah, me neither,” Lucas replied, still a little sidetracked by those messages that he had no sort of context for.

He was certain that Eliott was slowly but surely falling asleep, his head pressing back into Lucas’ body and arms sneaking around his middle, as the TV hummed quietly in the background. Lucas tensed up for a brief moment, but taking a couple of breaths and running his hand through Eliott’s hair again was distracting enough to revel in the warmth of it all, the cloudy coziness of it all, the way Eliott’s body went limb with sleep after a while. Life could get cold enough at times – December certainly was, but right in that moment, Lucas felt a smile tugging on the corners of his lips, warming up his face as Eliott started making sleep-soaked puffing noises into his sweater.

December was cold, but at least they had each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mais Il passe pas le Corentin?
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter and that it wasn’t too long ahhhh….
> 
> Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it and enjoy your long weekends mecs <333
> 
> tumblr: chelouelou


	3. In Motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salutttt..... I know it's been a while and I hate it, but with shool work, my computer acting up, and attending the skam convention last weekend, time just really wasn't on my side with this chapter. I'm really sorry about that <3! 
> 
> Warning: During the flashback there is a moment that is very similar to Lucas' breakdown at the end of episode 5, so if that somehow triggers you, maybe don't read it!
> 
> But here we go, I hope the wait was at least somewhat worth it :).

Lucas found his spot at the table with the boys, Alexia and Manon. It was a Monday filled with a ‘ _finish and win the day_ ’ type of mentality. This was his last year of high school and it was evident in everything surrounding them. Evident in the elevated excitement and anticipation mixed in with seemingly endless stress and uncertainty, and not only within himself, but also in the air around them– questions piling on top of even more questions: Would he apply for university in a couple of months and if yes, which ones and how many would he apply to? Would he decide to do a gap year, and if so, would he spend it travelling, or working, or both? Would he even pass all of his exams to begin with? Lucas simply wasn’t sure at this point.

Spending time in the cafeteria like this, surrounded by his friends, all of them sitting in the same boat as him, and just trying to keep it afloat – it was an actual blanket of safety in these uncertain times as he allowed himself to just sit and quietly listen to his friends’ conversations.

“But it’s crazy, right? Look at this one,” Alexia slid her phone across the table, a smug expression on her face as she quite evidently waited for Arthur’s and Basile’s reaction.

“Olalla, they’re really eating this shit up. It’s insane!” Arthur’s eyes looked as though they were about to pop out of his head, his mouth forming the perfect o-shape. He looked around with an animated sort of expression that had Lucas figure he was trying to infect people with his fascination – whatever that was all about. Lucas had absolutely no clue what was going on, and he could only bear passively listening to his friends and staying out of the loop for so long.

“Basile,” Lucas did an upward motion with his chin, demanding his friend’s attention, “What’s going on?”

Basile snapped his head up from where he had now joined Arthur in scrolling through Alexia’s phone. “Dude,” Basile shook his head, in what Lucas could only describe as disbelief, and pushed Arthur’s hand off the phone to slide it across the table. “Just scroll through the comments of his last post. In fact, just look at the like count in general. Your boy is really out there making it.”

Lucas felt a slight contraction of his cheekbone. Hearing Basile say _your boy_ just as his eyes landed on a picture of a shirtless Eliott on a leather couch, staring into the distance with an expression that was nothing less than ruthlessly fierce and stormy – heated, really – it naturally took him off guard. He just genuinely hadn’t seen it coming, for _this_ to be gossip topic number one, especially not on a regular Monday noon.

Lucas wouldn’t have been able to stop the swallowing reflex if he’d tried, but he simultaneously felt his brain shift into avoidance mode. It was that all too familiar avoidance mode that set in whenever he felt his body’s reflexes precede any attempt at regulating his own emotions or deliberate, sober thinking abilities. And with that failed attempt of keeping his knee-jerk reaction at bay, came the strong urge to overplay anything that his face might have just revealed to the rest of the table.

He morphed his expression into something he could only hope conveyed nonchalance and rolled his left shoulder back, scrolling through the comment section without really paying attention to anything that had been written there. For a while he was just keeping up the charade of caring about what any of these people said and hoped that it would be enough to cover up whatever he felt like he needed to cover up. That was until his eyes got stuck on three eggplants, and two water drop emojis, followed by words that actually made him laugh out loud to the point where he had to clasp a hand in front of his mouth. He slid the phone back to Basile, took out his own phone and quickly found the comment again. He took a screenshot of it and proceeded to send it to Eliott with a couple of skeleton emojis.

“...So, what just happened?” Yann asked with his trademark _spill it_ expression.

Lucas just shook his head, taking a sip from his coffee. “Nothing, just… the comments he gets are ridiculous.”

“But did you guys see that post with him and that other model? The one with the purple hair, super hot? Lucas, did they hook up?”

Lucas blinked, taking another gulp from his cup and dragging it out for as long as possible to keep any snapping at bay. He simply wasn’t in the mood to waste his energy like that today.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him yourself?” he finally settled on asking, keeping his eyes steady on Basile’s face.

“Because I don’t want a repeat of last Friday? He got super dark.”

Before Lucas could even think of reminding Basile that it was his stupidity that played a major part in pissing Eliott off last Friday, Manon intervened, her eyes round and mocking when she addressed Basile. “And you think he’ll be happier if he finds out Lucas is spreading gossip about his hookups?”

Arthur laughed and leaned back in his chair. He looked around the table with an amused expression on his face. “Yeah, he'd draw sad raccoon and hedgehog cartoons for days and plaster them all over Paris because he’d feel betrayed by Lucas.”

The table erupted into laughter and Lucas felt his cheekbone twitch again, his eyes remaining in a state somewhere between narrowing and not giving into the irritation. When he finally took another look at his phone, he found a text notification and was genuinely surprised to see a new message from Corentin instead of the expected reply from Eliott.

 

**Corentin**

**12:28**

**Corentin:** That laugh might have just brightened my day

**-**

Lucas’ head snapped up right away. His eyes started searching the cafeteria and it took him barely five seconds to find Corentin on the left side of the entrance, eyes already settled on Lucas and a bright smile spreading from cheek to cheek. Lucas felt himself blush, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

**Corentin**

**12:32**

**Lucas:** fuck you could hear it all the way over there?

 

**Corentin** : haha that’s what you’re going to focus on?

 

Lucas’ gaze found Corentin again, then. He watched him type away on his phone, his expression too difficult to decipher from the distance.

 

**Corentin**

**12:33**

**Corentin**  Are you free tomorrow night?

 

**Lucas**      depends?

 

**Corentin**  You sort of did say you would

make it up to me for Friday so…

                 Have you seen infinity war yet?

**Lucas**        Saw it with eliott the day it came out!

                 you haven’t seen it? I’m down for watching it twice

 

**Corentin**  Are you sure? We could watch something else…

**Lucas**        no I’m down

**Corentin**  Nice!

                 I’ll check the times and let you know

**Lucas**        yeah cool

**Corentin**    and just so we’re clear… this is a date, right?

 

Lucas’ head snapped up yet again and he could practically feel his own eyes burn a hole into Corentin across the distance. Alexia and the boys seemed to have long since forgotten about him, but Manon just turned back around from where she had followed Lucas’ gaze directed at Corentin, finding Lucas’ eyes with a knowing smile, and Lucas felt himself blush as he looked back over at Corentin. He still hadn’t replied to the last message and Corentin looked up from his phone as well this time. He shrugged his shoulders and waved his phone at Lucas in a questioning gesture. Lucas really would have seen the humor in it, would have probably chuckled, if he hadn’t been so busy freaking out on the inside.

A date. As in, an actual date with someone he hadn’t just briefly met on Grindr. As in, not just the means to having the evening end in sexual favors and be done with it. Lucas had never been on an actual date with a guy, no less with somebody he knew from school and had established somewhat of an acquaintance, if not friendship with. For the second time that noon, his mind started racing while his body seemed to take control over him simultaneously. Lucas simply couldn’t stop thinking about what a date could potentially mean in the grand scheme of things, and his stomach was starting to feel uncomfortable, flipping upside-down.

He knew that he needed to reply eventually, fully aware that he could not leave Corentin on read when he was quite literally being watched by the boy. All attempts at ignoring the message and pretending he hadn’t seen it yet had to be thrown out the window. And the tiny voice inside of his head that still had some rationality left in it – it was telling him that this could actually turn out to be something good.

He ended up typing out four different replies and deleted each one of them, just to finally settle on three simple words and pressing send.

**-**

**Corentin**

**12:38**

**Corentin**    and just so we’re clear… this is a date, right?

**Lucas:** yes it is

 

\--

Eliott had insisted.

Lucas had kept digging for the exact reason as to why Eliott wanted to come over, and he had gotten nothing even close to plausible in response. Because Eliott hadn’t really tried to give any sort of explanation in the first place.

Lucas was due to meet Corentin at the cinema in less than three hours and as if psyching himself out about that wasn’t already enough, he was now faced with Eliott stretched out on his bed and staring at him expectantly.

“You want to help me figure out what to wear.” Lucas repeated Eliott’s words, making them sound more like a very dubious statement than an actual question.

“Yeah, it’s not that weird, right? This is like a milestone for you, I have to be part of it and teach you my ways.”

Lucas allowed a quiet laugh to escape his lips, seeing the humor in Eliott’s words, but he also tried his best not to read too much into the second part of that sentence. He was simply not in the mood to argue that he was not some child that needed his milestones to be counted, or that he didn’t need Eliott to teach him how to get dressed. He may not have been a freshly proclaimed elite model, but he did also not shy away from admitting that his taste in clothes and his ability to dress himself were more than agreeable.

“What’s next? You want to paint each other’s nails too and speculate if I’ll get a kiss at the end of the night? Maybe we could practice putting on condoms while we’re at it?”

The silence that fell in between them then, was far too abrupt and uncharacteristic for it to go unnoticed. Eliott was propping himself up on his elbows now, getting stuck somewhere in between sitting up all the way and being pulled back down onto the mattress. Lucas was about a hundred percent positive that this weird punching beat of silence was to blame solely on Eliott, and the look that his friend was giving him right then, only assured him in that. Lucas didn’t have the impression that it was Eliott’s intention to look at him like _that,_ his eyes a mixture between looking alerted and inquiring, but also blank and dark at the same time. The skin around his cheekbones darkened as well, and he maintained this unnervingly still posture that honestly looked slightly uncomfortable to be in.

And once again, it became a little bit too much, put Lucas on edge, really. He could only bear being stared at like that for so long, and the burning sensation his own skin started taunting him with didn’t feel fair, considering he had done absolutely nothing wrong. “I can’t mention condoms now? What are you, five?”

Eliott slowly sat up, the expression on his face shifting almost immediately. He ran a hand over his face, covering it completely - and once his features became visible again, his nose was crinkling up, mouth curling into a faint frown. “Maybe just don’t mention us putting on condoms... _together_ …”

It was Lucas’ turn to pause for a second, and his mind was doing the exact opposite, going way too fast for him to keep up with, though it slowly dawned on him what Eliott was implying.

“Wha –” Lucas’ voice broke off and he released a snort that sounded as exasperated as he felt. “Are you serious? I was talking about like… cucumbers, or something.” Lucas raised an eyebrow at Eliott, pausing his speech to let that settle in, secretly hoping it would make Eliott feel at least a fraction of the awkwardness he was feeling right now. “Putting them on cucumbers, you know to practice… And it was a joke too, calm down.”

Eliott laughed, but it sounded a little bit too pronounced and somewhat breathy for it to come off as genuine. He scooted back on Lucas’ bed and clasped his hands together. “But, condoms. So, you’re planning on sleeping with him then? Tonight already?”

Eliott’s expression was easier to read now, concentration evident in the way he was studying Lucas’ face. But there was also a shadow moving over his eyes as he waited for Lucas to respond, a certain tightness visible in them even. And Lucas for one, did not quite know what to do with that.

And this was safe territory – usually this was safe territory, Lucas sleeping with guys not being unusual per se, but he also had no clue what to expect from tonight, and the awkwardness from before was still leaving a slightly bitter taste in his mouth. He decided to play it safe and shrugged, “Well…What does it matter?”

“No, I was just thinking. Going on serious dates and all of that is new to you, right? I thought you guys might want to take it slow with the sex? At least for now?”

Lucas breathed out very slowly, eyeing Eliott up and down and trying to remain calm, annoyance assembling in his bones. “I’m not exactly going into this with a game plan though. We’ll see what happens. And just because this is new to me, doesn’t mean I’m completely clueless. I’m not a child you know? Or a virgin for that matter…”

Lucas didn’t know what had gotten him so worked up. It was just that sometimes, he felt like Eliott was treating him like he was still the same eight-year-old, helpless and inexperienced child he had been when they first met. And that just didn’t sit right with him, especially not tonight for some reason.

“I know that, Lucas. That’s not what I meant at all. I’m sorry, okay? That was so off limits for me to say anyway.”

Lucas considered Eliott for a moment, noticing the way he had started to play with his hands, his shoulders hunched down a bit, and his eyes having dropped into his lap. It troubled Lucas enough to let this go, and to start focusing on lifting the mood instead. “What would you do then?”

Eliott’s head moved up slowly and he watched Lucas carefully, almost as though he was only risking a peek to test the waters. He could tell that Eliott was about to say something by the way he stopped playing with his stretchy bracelet, his eyes settling on Lucas. When he finally did speak, his voice came out quiet and his shoulders did a little shrug, “I guess just take it minute by minute.”

Lucas tilted his head to the side, feeling his eyebrow lifting as a fond smile started forming on his lips. The balance that had settled back in between them was more than welcome.

Eliott chuckled, his eyes dropping back to where he was twisting his bracelet around his finger again. “They’re your words. It’s not my fault that they just always work.”

Lucas clapped his hands together, making Eliott jump in the process. He stood up, stretching his arms out, and went over to his closet to grab a pile of shirts. When he turned around to face Eliott, he braced his hands on his hips and beckoned him over with a slight motion of his chin.

“Okay, well then… This minute you’ll finally help me pick a shirt to wear?”

Eliott laughed, agreeing with no qualms or further remarks that could potentially stir them into dangerous territory again, and Lucas was more than grateful for it.

Dynamics changed – Nothing in life was constant or fixed, and Lucas had always been well aware of that. Seasons transitioned, technology evolved, milestones were to be reached, and friends – well, they would come and go. But when it came to Eliott, Lucas had always carried the sort of mindset that would make him do almost anything in order for nothing to ever feel wrong between them – for nothing to ever change for the worse between them.

Lucas would go on his first date, and things would evolve, or they wouldn’t. He would graduate from high school and see where his path led him next. Eliott would continue delving deeper and deeper into the model world, he would meet new people, expand his circle of acquaintances, and stand in the limelight more than he had ever before - Lucas had a feeling. They were changing, progressing in life and learning – and that was fine. It was good even, and Lucas was not afraid of that, but he also couldn’t help noticing how these individual changes seemed to somehow worm themselves into the dynamic of their friendship. And Lucas was stumped, because neither him going on a date, nor Eliott starting college and taking up modelling, should ever have the power of impacting what they had – this bond that took up major space in Lucas' heart.

He was pulled out of his head when Eliott re-entered the room, scanning Lucas up and down and taking note of the outfit he had just switched into. He came up to Lucas and started tugging on the dark blue shirt until it was all smoothed out. He stayed close once it was all done, and tilted his head with a reconciling smile on his lips. Lucas felt himself shift into avoidance mode yet again, this time even before his body or mind could betray him in whatever way they would have betrayed him. And he was glad for it – because he didn’t want to give into the feeling, really couldn’t give into it. If there was one thing he was certain of in that moment, it was that the last thing either of them needed was for things to get weird again.

“This one will do,” Eliott declared, brushing his hand over Lucas’ shirt right at the spot beneath his collarbones before taking a step back. His voice was ringing in Lucas’ ears as they maintained eye contact that in some obscure, inexplicable way, just felt meaningful. And Lucas would hold onto that– because whatever it meant, it felt promising. And promising was all he could ask for nowadays.

\--

 

 

Their first date was darkness illuminated by flashing lights, stilled conversation contrasted by blaring sound effects, gasps, laughter and rustling plastic. It was fleeting touches – their fingers brushing in the bowl of popcorn every now and then, an arm being draped across the backrest of Lucas’ seat, and their shoulders brushing a few moments later.  

Corentin had already bought the tickets before Lucas' arrival. Naturally, that had prompted Lucas to contribute his own part, buying popcorn and drinks for the both of them, which Corentin had accepted on the condition that they would share a bowl. It had all very much felt like a movie, like they were not only about to indulge in one, but also like they were part of another one themselves somehow. Lucas felt like he was looking at them from the outside, getting third-person insight into one of those mainstream date scenes like they were shown in film across different cultures and generations. It wasn’t necessarily like an outsider looking in – it was still very much his own reality, and he did feel present for the most part, but there was also a sense of distance between his own feelings and the reality of the situation.

When they left the cinema, Corentin suggested to go to a quiet bar he swore was the best in the city, his eyes gleaming in delight when Lucas agreed. Lucas appreciated the ease with which he could talk to Corentin. He was one of the most approachable people Lucas had met in a while and he was refreshingly honest and visible in the sense that Lucas felt comfortable enough to keep his own walls low as well. The banter flowed naturally, and Lucas felt predominantly upbeat and playful around him. Corentin wasn't bad to look at either, and all of it really started to make Lucas feel like he might have been able to warm up to all of _this_.

*

“Yeah it was a bit dark for a while there, made me feel disconnected in a way? I don’t know, it was messy and coming out was the best decision I made that year.”

They had been at that bar for a while now, their conversation transitioning smoothly for the most part, their legs touching every now and then. Lucas was well aware that their eye contact kept speaking for itself whenever it lingered in between words. Accordingly, the indication of Corentin’s tongue, which kept dampening his lips every now and then as he stared at Lucas’ lips, was not to be misinterpreted either.

“Tell me about it... I had my first boyfriend when I was fifteen, we were the three c’s: A collective, confused, closeted mess. You can imagine how well that went…”

Lucas chuckled, shaking his head in sympathy as he swirled around the bottle of beer in his hand before taking another sip.

Corentin slapped a hand to his forehead, his face cringing as he peeked at Lucas through his fingers. “Shit… I can't believe I just brought up my ex, not even an hour into the conversation. Go ahead, it’s only fair you drop it on me as well, now that I broke the number one rule of dating etiquette.”

Lucas remained silent, staring at a space somewhere between Corentin and the door, as he took another sip from his drink.

“That bad, huh?” Corentin pulled him back, raising a questioning eyebrow.

Lucas shrugged, deciding to just roll with it. If anything, Corentin had been nothing but honest tonight and he felt safe enough to follow in his footsteps. “No, it’s just that… all of my relationships, if you want to call them that, have been very casual. Nothing official or anything like that, so…”

Lucas didn’t miss the way Corentin’s expression and posture slightly faltered, although he was good at keeping it at bay.

“You look surprised...” Lucas stated the obvious.

Corentin gave him a smile that felt very much reassuring and settled Lucas’ nerves a little. “I mean, have you _seen_ you? I guess I’m a little surprised, yes. But not in a bad way, Lucas. Not at all.” Corentin’s eyes were semi burning through him now and Lucas felt himself smirk, as he leaned back in his chair, “Don’t let it get to your head, though, I think you just caught me at the right time or something.”

Corentin laughed and considered him for another moment. “May I ask what kept you from dating in the past?” he asked and it came out genuinely curious enough for Lucas to not question it too much.

“I just came out last year?” he offered, just testing the waters and giving himself some more time to make sense of it for himself before going into further explainions.

Corentin nodded, pointing his eyes at the ceiling as if to signal that Lucas was making a whole lot of sense. “Fair point.”

Lucas nodded. “And then it was like… Where do I go from here? It’s not like I suddenly magically knew ten gay guys, no less anyone I actually felt attracted to. You’re attending the same school now, you know how it is.”

He waited for Corentin to signal his agreement before continuing, “And the guys I met on Grindr weren’t exactly looking for anything beyond casual either, so I just rolled with whatever. And to be honest, I didn’t feel like I needed to rush it.”

Lucas was speaking the truth, but he was also well aware that there was a whole part that he left out. A part about feelings that he had spent burying for a tremendous amount of time now. A part that had more influence on his dating history than he would ever be willing to admit to himself, no less to the guy he was spending time with on this carefree date. Some things were better left unsaid – were better left kept locked away – and this was one of them. It was on top of Lucas’ list of things to keep six feet under, really.

“Well, Lucas Lallemant, it’s an honor to be your first. I will take it upon myself to make this journey an unforgettable experience for you,” Corentin proclaimed, morphing his voice into sounding overly sophisticated to match his words and raising his bottle, his eyes never leaving Lucas'.

Lucas gladly took the lighthearted flirting as an out, not wanting to get sucked too deep into thinking about buried feelings. “Oh? A journey? That’s very confident of you… to assume this will be an ongoing thing.”

Corentin touched his arm then, and Lucas’ eyes followed the gesture before finding their way back to Corentin’s face. There was a hopeful sort of smile illuminating his skin now, as he bit his lip, almost looking bashful. “The kind of confidence that will score me a second date at the very least?”

Lucas didn’t even attempt at stopping the grin that was splitting his cheeks in half. The first part of this night had felt much like a movie, some distant experience that he was only partly present in himself, but not necessarily in a bad way. When it came to the time they had spent at this bar, though, Lucas was glad to realize that he had been there all the way, and he definitely had a good time, the easy and carefree feeling being something he might have been able to get used to. “Cheers to that,” he finally agreed.

\--

 

 

**Eliott**

**16:54**

**Eliott** Coucou Lucas…

            Sorry for the silence

_*Eliott sent a location*_

            Friday 19:00? Be my plus one?

            I think it could really be fun…

-

Two whole weeks had passed since that first date with Corentin. They had gone on several more ones since that, and Lucas was getting the gist of it all – was acquiring a liking for it, even. They had kissed at the end of their second date, Lucas walking Corentin to his door and being rewarded with a chaste press of lips against lips. They had paused for a moment after that first taste, then continued to kiss until Lucas’ fingers were frozen, and they had to call it a night.

Eliott had drowned Lucas out with silence for the entirety of those two weeks. Lucas had been staring at the string of messages for longer than he could keep track of now. He felt oddly numb about it, felt his face hardening and that almost acted as a shell, keeping his emotions at bay, keeping them from coming to the surface.

After that first date with Corentin, Eliott had texted him, digging for details and inevitably getting them from Lucas. That had been their last profound exchange in over two weeks now. Whenever Lucas had tried to meet up with Eliott, text Eliott, facetime Eliott, he had been blown off by Eliott – either by words about being busy and tired, or by actual deafening silence. Eight days into it, Lucas had given up, only to see Eliott being silly on Idriss’ Instagram at some sort of bowling alley two days later.

And he wasn’t afraid to admit it – he knew full well that it had been passive aggressive when he sent a screenshot of Idriss’ story to Eliott, adding something along the lines of ‘looks like a fun time’, only to have Eliott reply with a curt message composed of a heart and a smiling emoji.

In hindsight, he was glad that they hadn’t started throwing more petty things at each other after that. Fighting was one of the many things he tried to avoid when it came to Eliott.

**_16 and 18_ **

_Sometimes everything came crashing down at once. And sometimes the most violent storms were the ones that came with no warning, destroying everything in passing, just to pass on as abruptly as they had turned up. At the end of that particular week in July, Lucas’ life came crashing down so hard, he could do nothing but to match the noise of the storm with his own screaming. And just as quickly as he had felt the buildup, had eventually been close to feel his bones crack with his screams, the storm had passed and he was left to recover._

_He hadn’t meant anything by it, sitting down with Lucille and listening to her concerns about how Eliott had been acting weirdly lately. Lucas knew that Eliott wasn’t slipping, or at least, he really didn’t suspect anything. So, when he had sat down with her, trying to calm her down and giving her his own perspective on how he was seeing things, he really hadn’t done it with any intention of breaking Eliott’s trust – And yet, merely two days later, he had Eliott glaring at him and speaking to him with unconcealed venom in his voice that left Lucas feel numb all over._

_At one point, when Eliott accused him of being just like Lucille and that maybe he should stop being drawn to people who would end up conspiring behind his back, Lucas snapped. And once Lucas snapped, Eliott made some remark about how ‘that kind of pettiness' would not work on him, so Lucas retaliated, accusing Eliott of being a hypocrite for saying that. And then after that, there was just radio-silence._

_Days later, his mom had another breakdown, there was paperwork to be handled about her hospital transfer, and his dad wouldn’t answer any of the calls Lucas kept bombarding him with, his hands never stopping to shake. There still hadn’t been any sort of communication between him and Eliott after that fight, and no matter how much he needed his best friend to be there right then, he simply couldn’t bring himself to contact him, knowing full well that Eliott would drop everything immediately even though he was undoubtedly still mad at Lucas._

_When the boys convinced him to go to a party two days later, not exactly leaving him any say in whether he would go or not, the storm really did hit, destroying everything in passing and then leaving in an instant. He had been drinking more than he should have, considering the state he had been in these last couple of days. And when he spotted Eliott and Lucille kissing by the kitchen counter, Eliott’s smile bright, and his hands cupping her face. Lucas’ blood froze instantly as actual rage started to build up in his bones, the fact that Eliott was still ignoring him but found it in himself to forgive Lucille when she was the one responsible for all of this in the first place – it was just one blow too many, and Lucas couldn’t take it anymore._

_Just when Lucas was about to take off, Eliott’s gaze met his and Lucas’ blood went from being frozen to boiling in an instant. Eliott’s eyes widened immediately as he detached himself from Lucille, and before Lucas knew what was happening, he was rushing towards the door, getting out of that house becoming his number one priority. At one point, when he ran into the boys, knocking into Basile and throwing his friend’s hand off when he asked what was going on, Arthur made an offensive comment about Lucas’ family – and Lucas just saw red, pushing Arthur into the door forcefully._

_And then he ran off._

_It was all just fog after that – fog and darkness quenching his perception. There was a fence – there was a lot of screaming – and there was loss of control. There was also pain pulsating in his right hand, but it was never sufficient, never enough to make the rest of it stop hurting._

_But then, there was also Eliott – and all of it became even more of a blur between pain and not enough pain, and not knowing what was going on. Lucas was vaguely aware that Eliott was there, that he was frantically repeating words. There were words, and Lucas didn’t even catch half of them, but he did recognize his own name in them._

_“Lucas.”_

_“Lucas, stop.”_

_“Hey hey hey”_

_“Please, Lucas.”_

 

_"I'm here, Lucas."_

_He vaguely noticed that Eliott was constraining his arms and how at one point, his movements must have actually inflicted pain on Eliott. It shocked Lucas enough to stop himself from moving altogether, and this time it was not only his blood that was left frozen in place, but his entire body stilled. Eliott was looking at him with wide eyes, hands sliding up from where they were still holding onto his arms, moving up to his face, just before engulfing him in a tight, but gentle hug, swaying them back and forth slowly. Eliott was murmuring words of comfort into his hair, and eventually, as more time passed, Lucas found his breath again, found his ground again. It was only then that he noticed the tears falling onto his cheeks, flowing down until they reached his neck. It was only then that the sound of his own sobs, muffled by Eliott’s shoulder started to reach his own ears._

 

-

They had never seriously fought again after that.

Eliott had made him stay at his house for two weeks after that.

Alice had changed the bandage on his hand for 5 days in a row after that.

-

Lucas didn’t like fighting with Eliott, but the current silence also just felt like it was some distant cousin of shouting, opposite on the outside, but in essence they were both cruel, filling him with irritation and making him feel drained.

Luna jumped up onto the mattress and laid down on top of his chest, head resting right under his chin. Her purring soothed Lucas to some extend and he briefly lifted his head to place a fleeting kiss on her nose.

**Eliott**

**18:40**

**Lucas** Okay I’ll be there <3

\--

The air was chilled, cigarette smoke accumulating around the entrance area of the tall standing glass entrance. There was a red carpet leading up to it, and whenever the doors opened, Lucas would get a glimpse of arrays of gold, hot pink and blurry blue. He rubbed his hands together, shifted from foot to foot, and tried to find Eliott in the crowd. There was a sense of uncertainty scratching its way up his insides, and when he started moving towards the entrance, he did it slowly – trying to find confidence in the way his jacket made him square up just the slightest bit.

His eyes roamed through pearl white smiles, flowy dresses, and straight postures. Lucas was trying to keep his face blank, as unfaced as possible, not wanting to make himself look as out of place as he had been feeling since his arrival.

When Lucas had agreed to join Eliott for that party, he really hadn’t known what he was getting himself into. Eliott had texted him again a day later, announcing that the dress code was smart casual, but that Lucas shouldn't stress about it too much because there weren't any demanding rules, and apparently even denim would be a safe. When Lucas had gone ahead and found out more about the venue, he had paused for a moment, had remembered walking past that particular hotel many times, and realized he really should have inquired more about what kind of event they were going to attend before agreeing to join Eliott so easily. He also really should have known it wouldn't be some random house party when Eliott had dropped the term ‘plus one’, because who even used that in relation to anything that was simply casual.

The sound of chatter and music amplified again as the doors opened and Lucas let his eyes travel through the crowd for the seemingly tenth time since he had arrived. And this time, his eyes were pulled to a stop, because right there, amidst all of the luxury, the extravagance, the blue night air, was Eliott – skipping through people and typing frantically on his phone before looking up and starting to search the crowd in concentration. Just in time, Lucas felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but he didn’t feel the need to pull it out, and instead waited for Eliott’s eyes to find him.

When their eyes finally did meet, Eliott smiled brightly, raising a hand and waving at Lucas in a small awkward motion. Lucas knew that technically, he really should walk over there since Eliott was standing right in front of the entrance they would have to walk through either way. But something was holding him back and it only took Eliott another moment to take notice of Lucas’ frozen posture on the other side of the red carpet – and when he did, he started moving towards him ever so slowly. Lucas didn’t know how it was possible to feel simultaneously like he was about to float away while also being dragged towards the ground, unable to move as Eliott was getting closer and closer.

“Hi.”

Eliott’s voice was a mixture between ill maintained excitement and badly covered uncertainty, his eyes studying Lucas’ face for a short moment before he went in for a hug, squeezing Lucas tightly. Lucas didn’t necessarily hesitate, it was just that his body halted for a beat before his own arms found their way around Eliott’s back. Lucas knew that it was ridiculous, but as his nose lightly brushed against Eliott’s neck, he felt relieved to notice that Eliott was still using the same bodywash, no sudden fondness of expensive cologne to match his new life evident on his skin.

The hug passed faster than Lucas would have liked, but Eliott stayed close, his arms resting loosely on Lucas’ shoulders as he kept on smiling, his eyes never leaving Lucas’ face. Lucas didn’t quite know what to do with his hands, so they stayed right by his sides, just hanging down loosely as he maintained eye contact with Eliott.

“Hi…”

Lucas spoke the words quietly as he felt his face go a little stoic, his eyes feeling as if they were buzzing with inquiry when he continued to look at Eliott. He couldn’t help but feel like he at least deserved some sort of acknowledgement showing him Eliott was aware that the part where he avoided Lucas for two weeks hadn’t just been forgotten after a brief greeting and one hug.

“How are you?”

“Fine and you?” Lucas could practically feel the way his face remained somewhat contradictory to what he was saying.

“Well, the best, now that you’re here,” Eliott chuckled and tilted his head to the side, studying Lucas’ face with an analytic gaze, and Lucas really would have smiled if it hadn’t been for the part where he was still expecting some sort of explanation.

He raised an eyebrow at Eliott, feeling a small frown forming on his lips and Eliott paused for a second. His eyes stopped blinking before they briefly wavered towards the floor and then back up to Lucas’ face, something like determination working itself into the edges of his face.

“I know, I know okay. I’m sorry, I swear I wasn’t shutting you out on purpose, and it ends right here.”

Eliott was pressing his hands down onto Lucas’ shoulders now, his eyes expectantly flittering over Lucas’. There was some anticipation evident in the way that he almost had Lucas’ shoulders in a death grip at that point and Lucas decided that he would not float away today after all.

He took a deep breath and felt an involuntary smile starting to stretch the corners of his mouth. There was a sudden feeling of relief and the need to just let this go, to revel in the reality of having Eliott so close again – smiling, unscathed, and knowing exactly what Lucas needed to hear. Maybe he hadn’t gotten an explanation, but the acknowledgement and the promise of this being dealt with were enough for now. Lucas tilted his head upward and humored Eliott with a grin that felt nothing but sincere as he was swaying from side to side slightly. Eliott released a delicate chuckle, his eyes becoming somewhat warm and soft in their expression. He gave Lucas’ shoulders one last squeeze and promptly started to walk backwards towards the entrance.

“Are you coming?”

All Lucas could do was follow.

\--

The setup of the party, the guests, the atmosphere – it was unlike any of the clubbing or gatherings with other high school or college kids that Lucas was used to. There were seemingly no sweaty bodies, nobody seemed to dare crossing the line of going beyond tipsy, and people spent more of their time mixing and mingling, chatting, and fake laughing, than they did dancing and hooking up left and right.

The party was set up in different rooms, all carrying another theme, and Lucas would have lied if he said that the detail and money that must have gone into the design and decoration of the rooms didn’t impress him at least a little bit.

Eliott was particularly bouncy tonight. He stuck by Lucas’ side all evening and kept touching him casually – when they were walking from room to room, a hand on Lucas’ back - when they were chatting to the other guests, a hand ruffling through Lucas’ hair or brushing over his shoulder - when they went to the dancefloor after a while, his hands grabbing onto Lucas’ own hands, an arm around his shoulder, and then briefly on his hip. Lucas didn’t quite know if him being hyper aware of those touches that night, or if Eliott really did cling more to him than he usually would. There was a photobooth and Eliott forced Lucas to stand in the long que with him, being positively buzzed through all of it as he kept shooting beaming grins in Lucas’ direction. It was almost as if getting those photobooth pictures became Eliott’s number one priority in life. And as if all of that hadn’t been enough, Eliott proceeded to force Lucas to ‘ _smile sweetly_ ’ instead of pulling a face in their last round of taking pictures, just so Eliott could keep those pictures for himself. Lucas really only pretended to be annoyed, and he could tell that Eliott was well aware of that by the way his eyes flickered in that particular playful way.

There were several open bars in almost each of the rooms, and they made it their mission to try as many of the fancy drinks as possible. Most of them had names so ridiculous, Lucas couldn't keep himself from using an overly sophisticated voice whenever he ordered a new one. They had established this rule – they would each order one of those drinks, share one or two sips, and then they would leave them on the cocktail table, moving on to their next adventurous choice of beverages. It worked quite well and kept them from getting more than positively tipsy.

Lucas was having a good time, he usually did when it involved Eliott, and tonight was no exception. But he also couldn’t help feeling weirdly out of place every now and then. Sometimes, people would come up to Eliott, or Eliott and he would join a conversation, and Lucas would realize that his friend had things in common with _those people_ that Lucas would never even come close to grasping. There were conversations about yoga classes, art festivals, badmouthing certain photographers and praising others – Lucas simply couldn’t hold up, and the realization that Eliott seemed to fit in so well, almost scared Lucas to the core. He was somehow still the Eliott that Lucas had known as long as he could remember, but he also didn’t seem to be faking it in front of these people that Lucas could never truly see himself relate to.

The fact that Eliott seemed to fit in so well made Lucas feel like they were truly starting to create lives in which there were at least some parts different enough to drive a disconnection between them. It was the first time that Lucas felt out of place next to Eliott, almost like they didn’t belong together in this context, like this was Eliott’s thing and Lucas was just being dragged along. But at the same time, it was undebatable that Eliott wanted Lucas to be there with him. It was evident in every little encouraging squeeze he gave Lucas, in every time he threw excited glances at him, and in the way that he still tried to include Lucas in the ongoing conversations, even using little insiders that had his new acquaintances narrow their eyebrows in confusion. And Lucas had to hold on to that part, had to stop getting caught up in the negativity, because in reality it was normal to develop different interests as people got older. And at the end of the day, there had always been different interests between the two of them, it was just that up until now, it had never really catapulted them into separate worlds like that.

They had been standing outside for a while now, warming up close to the radiators and chatting to Kelly, Eliott’s agent, a Canadian woman in her early thirties with cutting facial structures and eyes that were just as razor-sharp. She had a sarcastic sense of humor, and Lucas was slightly intrigued by the way she held herself while simultaneously being baffled by how well Eliott got along with her. Eliott also had his own sharpness etched into his bones and eyes, but as a whole, he was by far the softest person that Lucas knew, which made the contrast to Kelly’s whole persona only more evident. It was beyond Lucas’ understanding how they seemed to click with each other so effortlessly.

Kelly was addressing Lucas now, her eyes stinging their way through his skull as she passed her cigarette to Eliott and took on a teasing tone in her voice. “And just you wait until he signs the contract for New York. He will actually be unstoppable. Hey, maybe we should extend our contract already, darling. I don’t want to risk losing you so soon.”

She directed those last words at Eliott, smirking at him and then looking straight back at Lucas, who was frozen in place, his eyes blinking at Kelly on their own accord as he tried making sense of her words _again and again and again_. Kelly proceeded to look back and forth between Lucas and Eliott, before clearing her voice. “Oops, that was a total newsflash for you, wasn’t it? Well good thing I was wrong about suspecting you’re the boyfriend then.”

Lucas’ eyes finally detached themselves from Kelly’s and found Eliott’s instead, the pensive look on his friend’s face making his heart race with confusion and anticipation. Eliott gave him a small smile and Lucas couldn’t quite tell if it was supposed to be apologetic or reassuring.

“We talked about it, I’m not doing it, Kelly.”

Kelly opened her mouth in mock shock and covered it with her perfectly manicured hand. “Oh hush, Eliott. Playing hard to get will only be endearing for so long, you heard it here first,” she snickered, giving Eliott a kiss on each cheek, then turning around to face Lucas. Her eyes roamed over his face once more, and she winked at him. “I’ll just.. yeah, grab another drink. Bisous guys, enjoy!” And with that she was out of sight, mixing and mingling with the crowd as though it was her one true calling.

Lucas pulled his gaze away from the crowd she had literally just morphed with, and found Eliott already staring back at him, giving him another one of those undefinable smiles.

“Let’s go back inside? The moon room looked cool… A bit more quiet too. Let’s talk.”

\--

They found themselves in a room that was reflecting blue and violet all over. There were stars hanging from the ceiling, making Lucas feel like they were visiting a planetarium. And as if that wasn’t enough, he found himself staring at a glass-top bar with an actual fish tank built into it – lilac plants and blue fish being illuminated by cool light. There were mirrors in all sorts of different designs across the walls, some of them creating optical illusions and projecting fairy light images.

They finally settled down on a large beanbag that could have almost passed for a sofa if it hadn’t been for the lack of a backrest and the way they both sunk into it as soon as they sat down. Lucas took a sip of the drink Eliott had brought over, proudly announcing that it was called ‘ _the little moonmaid’,_ and waiting for Lucas’ reaction. It tasted quite alright, sweet, but still strong enough and not overdone on the mixing, so Lucas shrugged and offered it to Eliott. They were sitting in close proximity, the sides of their arms and legs pressing together until Eliott just lifted his and put it around Lucas’ shoulder for good. Lucas leaned further into Eliott and placed his head on his shoulder, looking up at him with too many questions that he was too tired to ask, but still needed the answers to like he needed oxygen. Eliott was looking up at the ceiling as they just sat there for a while, listening to the soft piano music that was playing around the bar and the chatter some of the other guests were entertaining themselves with.

Lucas felt much like the colors in the room: calm, secure, and for the most part, happy - bathing in the harmony that was surrounding them in lilac tones, radiating through his body. But with that came also a certain feeling of heaviness that felt simultaneously grounding and melancholic.

“I’ve missed this. Just the two of us,” Eliott ended up breaking the silence between them, his lips almost brushing Lucas’ forehead as he spoke them. “We’ve never been to a party, just us…isn’t that weird?”

Lucas sat up a little and shifted until he was sitting sideways, facing Eliott with their knees overlapping, and raising his eyebrows. “Yeah, just you, me, and a bunch of elite models and photographers. You’re right that’s weird.”

Eliott was trying to read his face, Lucas could tell that much. He could also tell that he might have taken Lucas’ words the wrong way, if the slight downturn in the corners of his mouth was anything to go by. Maybe the words had come out somewhat dry, but there really had been no malice behind them. If anything, he had tried to go for a joking tone, but apparently that had failed.

“But it’s cool,” Lucas added a little delayed, hoping that it would ease some of the worries evident on Eliott’s face now. “I’m having fun, so…Thanks for asking me to come tonight.”

Lucas was satisfied with the small smile Eliott rewarded him with, the way he shifted impossibly closer. On second thought, he tilted his head to the side, studying Eliott’s face for a beat and deciding to just go for it and straight up ask him. “Be honest, though… who stood you up for that to happen?”

“What?” The confusion on Eliott’s face almost made Lucas chuckle, but he refrained from it and rolled his eyes instead, fixing Eliott with a knowing look.

“You can’t tell me there wasn’t at least one person you thought of asking first. I know you. You’d never miss out on the chance of impressing someone like this on a date.”

Eliott shifted back a little and blinked slowly before running a hand through his hair and shrugging. “I’m not really in mindset to start dating again anytime soon though. Well… I think at least.”

Lucas was more surprised about that statement than he wanted to let on, so he tried to keep his face as nonchalant as possible and shrugged. “How the tables have turned then? I’m dating and you’re avoiding it. That’s the weirdest thing that has happened this year.”

Eliott’s face remained strikingly still, his eyes roaming over Lucas’ face ever so slowly, before his gaze stabilized, meeting Lucas' eyes for good. “Yeah…you’re right.” There was a pause, and Lucas felt his breath getting caught in his throat, a sudden tension evident between them that he couldn’t really place his finger on. All he knew was that he was torn between inching closer towards Eliott and getting as much space between them as possible.

Eliott spared him from settling on either option though, as he finally continued with a quiet but steady voice, his eyes burning through Lucas’. “I’m guessing things with Corentin are going well then? I noticed you turn down that guy on the dancefloor earlier…”

Lucas cleared his throat and felt himself blink rapidly for a couple of times, “What does that have to do with it? When have I ever ditched you for a hookup? Especially at a party you invited me to?” Lucas asked, raising an offended eyebrow.

Eliott mimicked the gesture and gave his shoulder a gentle push. “Well, plenty of times?”

He was not going to mention the fact that they had always been in a group when that had happened, and Eliott had therefore never been ditched in essence, because Lucas simply wasn’t up for that sort of back and forth. Instead, he decided to focus on the essential part of their conversation.

He rolled his shoulders back, trying to push out the nervousness that had been building up inside of him and went for it. “I don’t know. Maybe there’s something with Corentin. We’ve been on a couple of dates, things happened… It’s really fun with him. We’ll see where it goes.”

Lucas couldn’t bring himself to look at Eliott as he played with his fingers and found an interest in biting down on his lip. He knew it was ridiculous, but something just made his nerves run all over the place.

“That’s good to hear.” Eliott’s voice was soft, and when Lucas still didn’t find it in him to look up, he felt two fingers under his chin, pushing it up ever so gently. “Seriously, Lucas. I’m happy for you.”

Lucas felt the skin around his cheeks and nose heat as Eliott continued to force their eye contact, his fingers now holding Lucas’ jaw in between them to keep it steady.

“Don’t be dramatic about it,” Lucas managed to say in a teasing tone, his eyes drifting to a spot beside Eliott’s head until Eliott finally let go of him.

“That’s what being friends with Lucas Lallemant for ten years will do to you… Most dramatic person on earth.”

Lucas could feel the pout on his lips, could feel the way his eyebrows drew together before he was even fully aware that he was feeling mildly offended – offended enough to stop avoiding eye contact with Eliott, in favor of glaring at him instead.

“And this is just proving my point,” Eliott snickered as he pinched Lucas’ cheek, the look on his face was radiating far too much amusement for Lucas’ liking.

Lucas shook his head and silence settled between them again. He could tell that Eliott was debating on saying something to him by the way his breathing got somewhat uneven and his fingers went to his own lips as he considered Lucas with a bashful gaze.

When he finally did speak, Lucas was taken off guard by the honesty of his words. “I know I’ve been unavailable lately. I was just so busy, you know?  Doesn’t mean I didn’t miss spending time. I’m sorry if it felt like I was shutting you out.” 

Lucas couldn’t help the way the muscles around his cheek contracted. The colors of the room still felt oddly representative of what he was feeling, only now the heavy side of it became much more overshadowing. Lucas kept his eyes glued to Eliott’s, almost feeling like he was for once the one fixing Eliott to the spot, while simultaneously drowning in his eyes.

“Lucas?”

Eliott’s voice came out a bit unsettled and it alarmed Lucas enough to set an end to his silence, only realizing now that he hadn't replied to Eliott's apology. He continued to look at Eliott with a more focused mind that felt less intense in its nature, and cleared his voice. “What did your agent mean when she said contract for New York?”

They were sitting close enough for Lucas to feel the deep breath that Eliott took before shifting back a little and considering Lucas with wary eyes. “Oh, that? Just ignore it. It’s something the agency keeps trying to push on me, but I’m not doing it. I would’ve told you about it otherwise.”

Lucas felt a rush of irritation rise inside of him, Eliott’s vagueness starting to give him a headache at this point. “You’re not interested in doing a job in New York? I don’t really believe that.”

Lucas could tell that Eliott was starting to feel irritated as well now, if the way his lips started forming a thin line and his eyes tightened ever so slightly, were anything to go by. “Yeah, but it’s not as easy as it seems, Lucas. And I would be caught in some ambiguous contract for six months… it’s just not transparent enough for me to agree right now, so maybe give me a break?”

Lucas ears had started to ring after Eliott dropped the _six months_ on him, everything else getting lost somewhere in the air between them as something that felt a lot like panic started to curse through his blood with overwhelming speed. “It would be six months? What do you mean not ‘right now’?”

Eliott’s eyes widened and he moved closer once more, squeezing Lucas’ knee, and making sure that they regained eye contact before speaking again. “Lucas… But I’m not doing it. I’m really not.”

Lucas didn’t really have it in him to respond, his eyes searching Eliott’s and finding nothing but sincerity and warmth in them as he felt his leg being squeezed once more before Eliott let go completely. There was a flicker in his eyes now that told Lucas that he must have found something else to talk about and Lucas didn’t know how to feel about that.

“Listen, Christmas is coming up,” Eliott started as he gave Lucas a look that suggested he was waiting for a confirmation and all Lucas could do was narrow his eyes and shrug in question, not exactly knowing where this was supposed to go.

“Mom has been insisting on inviting you for dinner like every year… Like officially. She wasn’t sure if you had other plans this year, but… You’re coming right? I honestly take it for granted at this point.”

Lucas swallowed, feeling slightly whiplashed by how quickly Eliott had switched the topic. He hadn’t fully recovered from their prior conversation yet and his heart was still beating the slightest bit too fast for his own liking, but discussing Christmas plans sounded like a good enough distraction for the time being.

“They arranged a Christmas brunch at my mom’s assisted living… I’ll get out of there sometime in the afternoon, I think. You want me to come over after?”

“Of course, we all want you to.” Eliott was beaming, his bouncing making Lucas sink even deeper into the beanbag. “We’ll do it like every year, you can sleep over and all. And don’t forget to bring Luna… Elina is gonna kill me if you don’t.”

Lucas nodded in acknowledgement, the thought of spending a whole weekend at the Demaury’s place and bringing Luna as well, warming his heart. “If I sleep over, I’ll have to bring her either way… I don’t like the idea of her being alone for more than a day.”

“Yeah…” Eliott released another breathy laugh, looking at Lucas with that all too familiar fondness – and this time around, Lucas let himself indulge in it, deciding not to question it. Maybe their worlds were drifting apart in some ways, maybe their friendship was not the exception to how dynamics changed after all, and maybe taking it minute by minute had never been more important than it was right now, because as much as life around them and within them was shifting, minute by minute would always remain a constant – Lucas was sure of that much. And as long as they continued to live by that, maybe really nothing could come between them.

\--

“I’ll walk you home?”

They had finally decided to call it a night and found themselves stood at the corner of the street where their ways were about to part. Eliott was hiding his hands in the pockets of his parker, his rigid posture telling Lucas that the cold night air must have been biting him just as much as it was stinging through Lucas’ clothes.

Lucas shook his head and refrained from rolling his eyes. “Don’t be dumb, you live right around the corner. It would literally make more sense if I walked you home…” He paused, rubbing his hands together to stop his fingers from feeling numb, and considered Eliott for another second. “Do you want me to? Walk you home…”

Eliott shook his head. “No... no. You’re right we should just get home, it’s late. And fucking cold. Text me when you’re home, though?”

Lucas nodded, a small smile escaping his lips as he looked up at Eliott. “Yeah…You too. And really, thanks for inviting me. I missed this…”

Eliott chuckled and surged forward to tackle Lucas in a quick hug. “Me too, let’s hang out more this weekend.” They let go of each other, and Lucas pressed a quick kiss to Eliott’s cheek before Eliott ruffled a hand through his hair as their ways parted for the night.

On his way home, Lucas felt something build up inside of him, and it were the moments like this one that always made him feel the most helpless. He had felt it when he was little, when he had started to notice his mother’s behavior changing but didn’t know what was going on exactly. He had felt it when his dad had left for good all those years ago, and he had felt it whenever Eliott and he hadn’t talked for a while or on the few occasions that they had actually fought. But right in this moment, he really didn’t understand where the feeling was coming from, and even though it was a toned-down version of what he was used to, it still managed to tip him over the edge, his hand angrily wipnig away the tears that had managed to slip through. He pulled out his phone, and his frozen fingers started typing out a quick message.

 

**Corentin**

**23:03**

**Lucas:** Are you still up?

Mind if I come over?

**Corentin:** Never <3

                

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wellllll. Thanks for reading, hope you liked it? I feel un petit peu chelou about this chapter, not gonna lie, so feedback would be kinda welcome <3
> 
> Enjoy the rest of this day and the upcoming weekend mecs!All the love and until next time, xoxoxo.
> 
> (tumblr:@chelouelou)


	4. Happy New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii! I know it's summer right now, but tbh, it's too hot for the sun's own good (at least where i am), sooo i hope this 12k winter chapter feels a little refreshing :) Sorry for the long wait in between updates btw, I hope the length of this chapter makes up for it. Bisous, and honestly, thank you so much for all of your lovely feedback, it really warms my heart and motivates me a lot <333

**_1 week ago_ **

_Corentin’s studio was spacious, squeaky clean, and modern in its setup and equipment – black walls and expensive looking furniture in different shades of grey being the focal point of the structure. The whole room was practically sparkling in sunlight that was shining through the scenic window front. There was a bench built into it, with white and grey pillows lined up along the backrest. It was all very chic, and classic – it was nice._

_After visiting for the first couple of times, Lucas had gotten used to it, the feeling of being intimidated slowly dissipating. He had figured that Corentin was well-off as soon as the boy had first texted him his address a little while ago. And yet, when he had first set foot into Corentin’s studio, his attempt at keeping a straight face had failed miserably._

_“Eliott just posted a picture of you,” Corentin’s voice pulled him out of his study induced haze. Out of everything Lucas’ brain had been expecting to process in the current situation, this surely hadn’t been one of the options. He looked up from his bio homework, just in time for Corentin to wink at him and continue. “It’s a cute picture.”_

_Lucas was absolutely missing context here. He narrowed his eyes, his mind surging perplexity – he was so perplexed, that the notification still managed to confuse him when he finally dragged his eyes away from Corentin’s faltering grin, and spared a glance at his lock screen. A beat of nothingness pulsated through him as he clicked on the notification hesitantly. The picture that popped up wasn’t one he had ever seen before. In fact, he hadn’t even been aware of it being taken in the first place. It was a photo Eliott had shot in the moon room at the party they went to last weekend. Lucas was pointing at something in the distance, a drink in his hand, his face illuminated by blue and purple colors, and slightly out of focus, almost as if he had been in motion. The caption read: ‘blur of lucas’, with two added emojis – a blue heart and a glass of wine._

_“You weren’t lying about that party being a bit extra... Is that a fish tank?” Corentin asked, his voice going a little high-pitched._

_Lucas drew his eyes away from the screen for a split second, seeing Corentin hold up his phone exasperatedly. He hummed in agreement and acknowledged Corentin with a small smile. There was a question that had been on his mind ever since Corentin mentioned the post, and he finally managed to ask it. “You’re following Eliott?”_

_“Yeah, I –” Corentin paused and Lucas looked up, meeting Corentin’s somewhat uncertain gaze. “He followed me first and I figured why not? Do you have a problem with that?” Corentin bit his lip and looked a bit sheepish, so Lucas tried for a reassuring smile._

_“No… I don’t really care,” Lucas shrugged, trying to sound believable. The truth was that he didn’t know how he felt about it exactly - and considering that – there was no way for him to answer the question honestly without making himself look as lost as he felt. He didn’t know if having a problem with it was the right way to put it, but it was definitely weird. Eliott was, and always had been a big part of his life, but in a way, this felt more intrusive – like Eliott was meddling with Lucas’ life when Lucas himself hadn’t even made up his mind about where exactly he wanted things to go with Corentin. At the same time, he knew that it was most likely not something he’d be able to keep separate in the future, as much as he felt the urge to do exactly that._

_Lucas refocused his attention on the phone, deciding to look at the comment section. Most of it was just nonsense, attempts at getting Eliott’s attention, or random emojis – but there was also an overwhelming amount of people asking about Lucas’ identity. Lucas’ eyes got stuck on the comment right on top, the one with the most likes. It made his insides feel fuzzy, an underlying nausea creeping up on him and overwhelming him all the same._

‘guys he posted about being pan during pride just scroll down… That’s probably his boyfriend.’ **_475 likes_**

_Just when Lucas’ impulses were about to kick in, driving him to reply to that comment, a second notification popped up on his screen. Eliott had tagged him in his story: a video with the caption “throwing it back on a monday” from a couple of months ago. Lucas was pointing at a graffiti wall, imitating  Eliott. ‘This is not just any graffiti... it represents-’ he was cut off by Eliott, who had just pulled Lucas’ hood over his face. There were laughter and then the camera shook slightly before cutting off. Lucas remembered stumbling, and he remembered Eliott’s hand on his elbow, steadying him in the last second._

_“You okay?”_

_Lucas flinched a little when Corentin’s voice cut right through the memory. He leaned back in his chair and tried to gather his thoughts. Corentin looked pretty. His hair was slightly tousled, his brown eyes shining in the sunlight – his forehead was furrowed, the ghost of a frown on his lips. Lucas swallowed, focusing all of his efforts on placing his phone on the table and concentrating on Corentin instead._

_“Yeah. Never better,” Lucas smirked, walking over to where Corentin was spread out on the bed, study notes scattering the mattress and sheets rumpled. He crawled on top of him slowly, taking note of the way the wrinkles on his forehead evened out almost immediately, his frown transforming into a pout that Lucas was ready to kiss away. He started tracing his lips along Corentin’s neck and felt relieved when the other boy melted into his touch, head thrown back on the mattress as Lucas’ hand started sliding downwards steadily._

_“You’re so hot,” Corentin whispered before pulling Lucas up for a kiss and rolling them over until he was on top. And that was definitely something Lucas could get behind._

_He stayed at Corentin’s for another two hours, kissing and cuddling after the sex – and when Corentin asked him if they were official, Lucas decided that he would not overcomplicate it in his own head and nodded, sighing contentedly when Corentin kissed the corner of his mouth, his hand wandering dangerously low again. Lucas didn't end up regretting his decision whatsoever.  
_

\--

**Now**

If Lucas had learned one thing today, it was that nobody took Christmas shopping more seriously than Manon – that was if he excluded Daphné, who had gasped when she learned that neither Lucas, nor Manon had planned, bought, or wrapped up all of their presents as soon as the first of December had arrived. Having Manon as a shopping buddy almost made Lucas enjoy the experience – she went into it with an established list and came out of it without buying extra stuff or wasting time, ready to help Lucas with his own joke of a list.

Lucas had already preordered his gift for Eliott – professional drawing pens that Eliott had mentioned before, but never bought himself because they were pricey. When Manon helped him pick out the last gift on his list – some scented candles, and a silk scarf, he knew his mother would love, they walked by a small handcraft store. Lucas saw the advertisement for handmade, personalized snow globes and acted on a whim, deciding that this year, Eliott would for once not be the only one capable of coming up with thoughtful presents.

When they were eleven and thirteen, Lucas and Eliott had found an abandoned railway track by accident. It had become one of their little secrets, a place that particularly Eliott felt drawn to, sometimes spending hours by the bridge – drawing, thinking, just sitting there in silence. Lucas showed the owner of the store a photo of a picture Eliott had once drawn for him – the usual hedgehog and raccoon walking towards their secret spot. She took a picture of it and told Lucas to pick up the snow globe in two days.

Once Lucas had given up the order, Manon and he found themselves at the Christmas market, finishing off the night with some proper Christmas spirit. They were sat on a bench in front of the giant Christmas tree that was soaring into the night sky, warming up their bodies with some hot drinks – a Chai Latte for Manon, and some hot cocoa with peppermint and cream for Lucas. The freezing air had both of them cover their faces with their scarves as they sat in silence, just looking up at the tree for while. That was, until Manon shifted and placed her head on Lucas’ shoulder, snuggling into him and sighing in a way that told Lucas she was about to get chatty.

“So, are you going to start rambling about your freshly baked boyfriend soon, or do I really have to pry it all out of you?” Her tone was nothing short of exasperated and Lucas chuckled, clutching his mug a little tighter and bringing it to his mouth to buy some time.

“Lulu and Coco… It has a cute ring to it,” Manon kept prodding, eyeing him relentlessly as he took a couple more sips from his mug.

“Coco?” Lucas raised a judgmental brow. “Not sure he would approve of that nickname.”

“Oh, but he does. He loves it, in fact. Maybe you should try calling him that one day.”

Lucas huffed, and Manon took her head off his shoulder, eyeing him curiously. “So, things are going well between you two? You’re so quiet about it…” She let the sentence fade, completely ignoring his obvious attempt at directing the attention away from the topic.

Lucas decided to indulge her, lifting an eyebrow, and giving in. “It’s really good, yeah. But I don’t need to talk about him constantly, or post shit about him all over my Instagram just because we started dating.”

“Of course you don’t…”

Luas squirmed a little, clutching the mug. “He got me a watch for Christmas... We exchanged gifts early because he’ll be travelling with his parents over the holidays,” he explained, trying his best not to look queasy.  

“Okay? You don’t sound that impressed…”

Lucas pursed his lips and took an exaggerated breath. “It’s really fucking expensive. I know money isn’t a problem for him, but it still feels like way too much. It just doesn’t feel right to accept a gift like that.”

“You can always tell him how you feel… Better to be honest about these things,” Manon suggested, pausing for a moment. When Lucas just started playing around with the zipper of his parker, she continued. “With Charles, I just opened my mouth when I felt uncomfortable about him spending money on me…”

Lucas thought about it, placing his empty cup on the ground and rubbing his gloved hands together, “And he stopped?”

Manon’s eye-roll said more than a thousand words, but she clarified anyway, “No. Of course not, but we’re not together anymore, so…” she reminded him, her lips forming a thin line.

Lucas scowled. “You’re not talking to him anymore, are you?”

Manon glanced up at him and smiled. “Nope. I haven’t felt this much like myself in forever. Being single was by far the best decision I’ve made this year to be honest.”

It warmed Lucas heart, and he placed a hand on Manon’s shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly, her smile brightening in return. “I’m happy for you. But is this a trend now? Eliott is also doing some kind of dating detox...”

That seemed to spark her interest. “Oh?” She exclaimed, her rounding eyes not doing a good job of hiding her prying. Manon tended to get this look whenever she was trying to look casual despite wanting to ask endless questions. “How is he doing?” She finally settled on asking.

“Eliott? He’s doing fine, as far as I know.”

Manon nodded, her eyes studying Lucas’ face. “That’s good… It’s just that when Imane and I were over at Idriss’s the other day, Eliott was visiting and he just… looked a bit stressed.”

That alerted Lucas enough to make him straighten his back. He chewed on his lip and shrugged. “Oh, yeah? I think he’s still getting used to finding a balance between school and modelling… It’s not that easy. Well, I think a least.”

“Hm…” Manon’s brows furrowed. She let her eyes roam over his face for a moment and Lucas felt a little tense, which she seemed to ignore purposefully. There was something gleaming in her eyes suddenly. “Well poor thing. I mean, now on top of all that, he’ll also have to deal with his bestie being stolen away by the school’s new Romeo. Did he throw you a celebration party when you told him that Corentin asked you to be his beau, or did he throw a fit?”

Lucas rolled his eyes, wondering why Manon’s lame jokes even surprised him at this point, but playing into it regardless. “Well, I texted him and he replied with ‘congrats’. Still waiting for that party though.”

Her expression softened as she ruffled Lucas’ hair and let her head lean on his shoulder again. They stayed like that for a while longer, until Mika started bombarding the coloc group chat with messages, practically begging them to come home and to bring takeout – the reason being that he was both, bored and hungry.

 --

 

Alice Demaury was not the woman to joke around when it came to the holiday season. She would make sure that everybody in her house felt the Christmas spirit to the core of their bones – and this year was not the exception. The Christmas tree was enormous, decorated with countless mismatched ornaments and different colored fairy lights - it was ridiculous. Lucas would never dare to say that out loud, though – because killing the light that was shining in the eyes of each Demaury family member was far from what he wanted. Warmth radiated from the fireplace, while the opened dining room window allowed for a fresh breeze every now and then. It smelled of orange peels, cinnamon, and hot wine, and Lucas would never want to miss this feeling of belonging – being right at home. Because at the end of the day that was what these people and this house had become to him – a place he considered to be a home.

It wasn’t a feeling that had come overnight – not by a longshot. He remembered having a hard time believing Eliott that he wasn’t intruding when he spent Christmas at the house for the first time. He remembered the conflicting feelings of both, missing his mother and their little Christmas traditions, but also being relieved that he didn’t need to anticipate for things to change for the worst for once. At the end of the day, the Demaury’s wouldn’t be the Demaury’s if they didn’t make it their life’s mission to be the most welcoming people in all of Paris. And Lucas had latched onto that lifeline faster than his pride would allow him to admit most times.

Thomas was everything Lucas’ own father had never written in his DNA to begin with. He was a picture-perfect husband and father, with the dad jokes down to a T. This also meant that Thomas made it his mission to keep anyone in his proximity, what he called: _entertained_ – and with the rest of the family being busy in the kitchen, Lucas had the honor to be his one-man audience of the evening.

In the last five minutes or so, Lucas had learned everything about YouTube that he had already known to begin with. Apparently, Thomas had established a newfound love for _news bloopers_ videos. It was beyond Lucas how someone could be so passionate about something so ordinary and outdated, but then again, between Thomas and Alice, someone had to have passed on the ‘being excited about any and everything’ gene to Eliott. And at this point, Lucas was fairly certain that Eliott had inherited that particular gene from both of them, and that it had formed into some sort of hybrid version, compelling Eliott to love the whole entire world as if his life depended on it.

“But anyway, they’re really funny, we could watch some right now if you want.”

The enthusiasm evident on Thomas’ face forced Lucas to bite down on his tongue, swallowing down any laugh threatening to escape and making him wince in the process. He managed to nod instead of bursting out with laughter, and hoped that the way his lips turned upward on their own accord didn’t blow his cover. “Oh yeah?”

Thomas grinned. “Yeah! Great thing about these smart TV’s is that the whole family gets to have a laugh together.”

“That’s cool…” Lucas had to bite down on his tongue even harder, the feeling of fondness making it more and more difficult to not break out into a full-blown grin, and warmth settling in at the sound of hearing Thomas indirectly calling him family.

He couldn’t help but smile to himself as Thomas started setting up the TV. There were probably around ten things Lucas could think of that he would rather do with a smart TV right now. Then again, he also couldn’t help but feel affection settling in. The effort that Eliott’s dad would always put into keeping everyone engaged, never failed to warm his heart.

Lucas’ head snapped up when Eliott entered the room, his hair a complete mess and some sort of sauce spilled on his sweater. Eliott took one look at the TV, which was now showing a range of ‘news bloopers’ search results on YouTube, and snorted, squatting down on the floor right next to the fireplace.

“Dad, fuck, why are you torturing Lucas?”

Thomas chose that moment to take a dramatic pause in the process of finding the right video, bracing his hands on his hips and giving Eliott a look. “People messing up on live television is a timeless phenomenon. Lucas can’t wait to have a good laugh with me, right, Lucas?”

Lucas just nodded enthusiastically, giving him a thumbs up, and finally giving in to the suppressed laughter when Thomas threw a triumphant fist in the air.

Eliott raised his eyebrows, amusement plainly visible on his face. There was something challenging in the way his eyes glinted, illuminated by the orange firelight, and Lucas stared back at him with his own challenge, until Eliott averted his eyes and shook his head ever so slightly. Lucas felt himself sink into the couch even further. He loved feeling like this – Feeling home in the sense that he could just lounge on the couch, feel charmed about a man who had become somewhat of a father figure to him, and to have a whole conversation with his best friend, using nothing more than their eyes. Even the occasional tension he felt when he was around Eliott was familiar enough to not make him feel uneasy. At least not for the moment.

Thomas slapped a hand to his forehead and shook his head, pulling Lucas out of his content haze. “I completely forgot! I saved my favorite video in a playlist. Give me a second.”

Eliott closed his eyes then, his head leaning back against the wall as he sighed dramatically, and Lucas felt the urge to avert his eyes when they settled on Eliott’s bare throat and a warm rush started spreading from his chest upward.

Lucky enough, the videos turned out to be a sobering distraction, which apparently had been exactly what he needed. And in Thomas’ defense, Lucas had to admit that it was funnier than expected, and he was the least bit surprised when Eliott, despite giving his dad a hard time, ended up laughing the loudest out of the three of them.

Like every year, it wasn’t long before Elina sprinted out of the kitchen to pull Eliott upstairs, so they could get changed for dinner. It was a tradition - Thomas was in charge of making desert the day before Christmas eve, and making sure the house was glowing inside and out. Alice, Elina, and Eliott took it upon themselves to prepare dinner, and it was no secret that Eliott only ever got to do the occasional stirring and passing over ingredients, because Christmas dinner was strictly too valuable to let him do anything more than that.

Lucas’ mom had taught him to make candied orange peels, dipped in chocolate – and he brought those over every year. This year, he had also made a jar for his mom, and she had teared up about it and given him the longest hug in a while when he gave it to her earlier that afternoon.

Eliott and Elina came back down, and Lucas felt his breath getting caught in his throat in an instant. There was something about the way dress shirts clung to Eliott’s body that always managed to catch him off guard – and this particular emerald green one was not the exception. Lucas immediately anticipated seeing the way it would bring out Eliott’s eyes, and once Eliott came to a stop in front of him, he realized that no amount of anticipation could have prepared him. Lucas had known Eliott for ten years, they were best friends, his presence was far from being new to Lucas – and yet, every now and then, more often than not, Eliott’s beauty had Lucas awestruck in ways he simply couldn’t let himself get too lost in.

Alice’s voice pulled Lucas out of his trance, his eyes snapping away from where they had been burning through Eliott, but not without noticing the way Eliott was staring right back at him.

“The table is set, let’s take some quick photos and then we can start eating ourselves into a coma,” she exclaimed, gathering everyone together.

To nobody’s surprise, taking some quick photos turned into an eternally long photoshoot, including different poses, combinations of people, and too many failed attempts of setting up the camera in the perfect way to get a good shot of everyone together.

Alice insisted on getting one last ' _nice'_ photo of just Eliott and Lucas by the Christmas tree. And when Eliott leaned his weight on him, Lucas was once again reminded that, when it came to Eliott, mixed feelings were the norm more often than they weren’t. Sometimes Lucas would start believing that he had been successful in building some sort of resistance against the effect Eliott had on him. But then, on days like this one, there was no use in denying that being around Eliott, as safe as it made him feel, also had the power to make him feel like he was approaching dangerous fire. So, when Eliott leaned his weight on him like this, there was something about the heaviness that almost grounded Lucas – almost like he had no choice but to be present in the moment. And as passable as that might have sounded, considering their dynamic – sometimes Lucas also couldn’t help getting lost in thoughts of Eliott’s weight on top of him, of them just lying down and Eliott grounding him in ways he couldn’t afford to dwell on too much. Lucas didn’t like mixed feelings and the confusion and frustration they tended to infuse him with. So, for that moment, he decided to let Christmas be a good enough excuse to revel in the way Eliott’s arm was weighing him down, or how he kept picking up on traces of Eliott’s cologne - and then later tonight, there would be enough time to let his worries crumble down on him.

When Lucas was just about to sprint towards the dinner table, Eliott stopped him. “Wait. Lucas, stand in front of the Christmas tree. It’s for Instagram.”

Eliott started out by pointing the phone at the fireplace. “Merry Christmas everyone, enjoy the holidays," he said in an overly animated voice and panned the camera around, getting closer and closer to Lucas and the Christmas tree – and when the camera did settle on him, Lucas raised an eyebrow and started lifting up his shirt slowly, moving from side to side in front of the tree and wiggling his brows up and down.

Eliott almost dropped his phone, but managed to catch it in the last second, staring at Lucas in disbelief. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Lucas couldn’t contain his laughter - The look on Eliott’s face definitely made putting on a show worth it. “I’m just giving your followers what they clearly want,” Lucas shrugged, his nose crinkling as he was unable to keep a straight face. “I mean, did you ever notice that the most likes you get are on shirtless pictures?”

Eliott rolled his eyes, seemingly catching on to the fact that Lucas was taking the piss. “No,” he narrowed his eyes. “But you have no idea how many perverts are probably following me.”

Eliott’s scolding tone had Lucas purse his lips, his chin trembling with amusement. “Oh my god, I was only joking. it’s not like you’re live, you don’t have to post it.”

Eliott considered him for a moment longer. The phone was still clasped in his hands, as he shrugged, releasing a weak laugh. “Yeah, fuck it, whatever. Kelly will probably kill me if I don’t post anything ‘festive’ but at least I’ll get to eat before that. Let’s go.”

Lucas didn’t need to be told twice.

\--

Dinner was heaven. Between the turkey, the roasted vegetables in white sauce, and the baked potatoes, Lucas barely found the time to engage in the ongoing conversation. The most talking he had done in the last minutes was asking whether he could take two pieces of bread, and if there was more rice. When Thomas whipped out the white wine that came straight from his brother’s wine yard, Lucas truly started believing that no version of himself in any parallel universe was having a better Christmas experience than he did right in that moment. He didn’t even like white wine – or any wine for that matter, but there was just something about André Demaury’s wine that was undeniable.

Eliott had been picking at Elina for having a crush on one of her classmates for the last couple of minutes, and Lucas knew that it was only a matter of time until she would snap. What he hadn’t seen coming, was that when she did snap, Lucas himself ended up being the one to take the blow. But then again – when did Eliott _not_ get away with anything and everything he did.

“Talking about boyfriends…Lucas how is yours doing?” she asked, and Lucas stiffened immediately, almost choking on the potato he had just shoved into his mouth.

“Elina.” There was a warning in Eliott’s voice, and Lucas lifted the glass of wine to his mouth, finishing it all at once. He was trying his best to keep his expression blank as he glanced at Elina, but much to his dismay, that only prodded her to continue.  

“He has a boyfriend,” she repeated, raising an eyebrow at Eliott and letting her gaze roam over the table once, before it settled on Lucas – the look in her eyes difficult to decipher, and once again, Lucas came to the realization that she really was Eliott’s sister.

“Oh, he does?”

“Is that so?”

Alice and Thomas spoke at the same time, and Lucas would have found the almost identical fake nonchalance on their faces amusing, if all of this hadn’t been at his own expanse.

He threw a quick glance at Eliott, but his hopes of getting any help in this were thrown out of the window when he found him busy staring down Elina instead.

“It’s all still very new, so…” Lucas said, feeling his cheeks starting to burn.

“What’s his name, sweetheart?” Alice’s voice was warm and unpresuming, her grey eyes open and friendly as she smiled at Lucas.

Lucas hesitated and took his time chewing on a piece of turkey before shrugging and stumbling over his words. “His name is Corentin, but he’s just…We’re not exactly –”

“You’re just seeing where it goes?” she asked, or rather suggested, a knowing connotation in her voice.

Lucas shrugged, thankful for the out that she was clearly giving him. “Yeah, I think so.”

“That’s wonderful. You’re still so young, you have all the time in the world.”

Alice’s gaze roamed over to where Eliott was sitting before settling on her husband. Lucas couldn’t help but wonder what exactly they were communicating when they fell into one of their silent conversations.

It gave him time to wonder how Elina knew about Corentin in the first place. She had been blowing up his notifications ever since her parents allowed her to join Instagram, and Eliott following Corentin might be what had caught her attention. Some of Corentin’s stories had featured Lucas, but as far as he could remember, none of them were ever revealing enough to suggest that they were dating.

Lucas was glad when Thomas cleared his voice, stopping the silence and changing the subject. “The BAC! Not too long now…Are you thinking about university yet, Lucas?”

The conversation started flowing, and Lucas gladly vanished from the center of everyone’s attention when family anecdotes were brought up, taking a glance at Elina, who had been quiet for the last minute. When he caught her eyes, she graced him with an apologetic smile that seemed sincere enough for Lucas to accept. He was half sure that she was only playing it safe in case Lucas decided to not let Luna sleep in her room tonight, but he decided to give her the benefit of the doubt – It was Christmas after all.  

Extended family would come over the next day, and Thomas proposed to carry out their gift exchange after dinner instead of waiting for the next morning. Elina had long since reached the age where she didn’t care about Santa anymore, and the next day would be hectic enough with the entire family swapping gifts. In the previous years, Lucas and Eliott had exchanged their gifts in private for that exact same reason, and as Lucas finished up his last bite of turkey, it only took one look between Eliott and him to make a decision – they would stick to their tradition and exchange presents when they were alone later.

\-- 

Being in Eliott’s childhood bedroom always took Lucas back. He remembered his feet not even touching the ground when he first sat down on Eliott’s bed ten years ago. At some point over the years, a different, bigger bed had replaced the old one, just like Pokémon posters were replaced by the little sketches and quotes scattering the walls these days.

Eliott had thrown himself on the bed as soon as they entered the room, spreading his limbs so excessively that Lucas had no choice but to sit down on the desk chair for the time being, both of them ready to exchange gifts and let the night come to an end. He noticed how Eliott’s shirt rose up the tiniest bit, just enough to reveal a flash of his v-line, and Lucas’ started shifting around, instantly averting his eyes.

“So, basically… you’re trying to steal my sister away from me.” Eliott stared up at the ceiling as he spoke, his feet moving around absentmindedly.

“Oh?” Despite knowing exactly what Eliott was going on about, Lucas decided to raise a clueless eyebrow when Eliott braced himself on his elbows to get a better look at him, his shirt falling back into place.

Eliott chuckled softly. “Giving her self-crafted vouchers to babysit Luna? I swear, even my mom was jealous that you beat her present this year.”

Elina had in fact shrieked and tackled him in a hug when she opened Lucas’ present, and he would lie if he said that didn’t make him feel at least a little bit proud. Instead of saying anything though, Lucas simply shrugged as innocently as he could, to which Eliott just responded by shaking his head and scoffing.

“Are we exchanging gifts now? I’m positive that mine will beat yours,” Eliott told him, eyes charged with a new challenge as he sat up on the bed. And it didn’t need much more to spark a reaction in Lucas, because next thing, he narrowed his eyes and let them fix Eliott to the spot, a thrill of anticipation seeping through his body.

“I didn’t realize it was a competition, but you might want to tone down the confidence.”

-

As it turned out, they had to call it a tie in the end. Eliott loved the drawing utensils, and he was visibly stunned about the fact that Lucas ‘actually payed attention’ and that he would spend that amount of money on him - as if he didn’t know that he was Lucas’ favorite person in the whole entire world. As for the snow globe – once Eliott stopped hugging Lucas half to death, he continued shaking it to watch the snow fall over the raccoon and the hedgehog to the point where Lucas quite literally had to snatch it out of his hands – just so that Eliott would finally give him his present. His watery eyes didn't go unnoticed by Lucas, and not much to his surprise, opening Eliott’s present had Lucas torn between bursting into tears himself and smiling so brightly that his face was about to split in two. In the end, he was happy that the latter option won, because crying on Christmas was something he could do without. Eliott had made him a little ‘happy book’ filled with hedgehog cartoons, the occasional racoon, insiders, and memories that were guaranteed to cheer Lucas up when he needed it. Then again, the moment that had Lucas at a loss for words was when he skimmed through the booklet, and two pieces of paper fell out. Eliott had gotten Lucas tickets for the rock festival he had been rambling on and on about for years on end now – he would have never dared to dream about actually going there next summer – but thanks to Eliott, that was set in stone now.

So yes, technically, Eliott had won this year’s gift giving competition in his book, but Eliott kept insisting that Lucas had won, and so the official consensus was that they were tied, which Lucas’ pride was glad for.

They sat down on the bed where Eliott had set up his notebook for them to skim through the artists attending the festival next year, but an email notification popped up catching Lucas' attention. It had not been Lucas’ intention to read the header, but it was as though the second his eyes picked up the mention of ‘New York’, he had no control over it anymore.

“Wha-” his voice cracked in the middle of the word, but he couldn’t help it. He cleared his throat and made sure his voice came out more stable when he dared speaking again. “What is that about?”

Eliott blinked slowly– sleepy and hesitant, but looking alerted nonetheless. “My agency managed to arrange housing for me... like hypothetically. And with the calculations I did, it looks like I would actually be able to make money instead of losing it this way.”

Lucas’ heart was racing in an instant. He searched Eliott’s now unblinking, hesitant eyes and swallowed. “Hey, I think that’s great, Eliott. This is big, I mean, I’m-”

He didn’t get to finish his poor attempt at hiding his distress, because Eliott interrupted him with a steady voice. “I still don’t think I’ll do it.”

“...Why?” Lucas felt his face go blank, the question sounding more like a statement in his own ears.

“Because nothing else has changed, Lucas. This isn’t me keeping you out of the loop, don’t worry. I’m not trying to piss you off by hiding stuff, I clearly know better than that.” The last bit was said with a teasing edge to Eliott’s voice, but Lucas let it fall flat, feeling oddly frozen to the spot.

It wasn’t that he deliberately tried to be difficult – he really wanted to tease back, but between the lump in his throat and the influx of relief, Lucas didn’t trust himself to do much more than keeping quiet. He wasn’t going to let his voice give anything away when he himself wasn’t even sure what he was feeling in the first place. He was also blatantly aware that Eliott hadn’t really answered his question in the first place. Eliott did this sometimes – avert the attention away from what mattered by giving half answers and hoping that Lucas wouldn’t notice. Lucas almost always noticed.

And it wasn’t like they had to talk about this, but Eliott seemed nonchalant enough for Lucas to not drop the topic just yet, so he decided to tackle it from a different angle. “Have you told your parents?”

“Yeah.” Eliott blinked, his eyes imploring as they scanned Lucas’ face.

“And?”

“Well, what they say is that they’ll support me either way,” Eliott paused, settling his eyes on the computer screen. “But what they’re thinking, it’s probably… well, different. You know my mom. She gets worried over stupid shit. So, you can imagine what she’s thinking about me going to another continent for so long. And my dad, well, I’m not sure actually.” He shrugged, looking back at Lucas with a half-smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I think the modelling is freaking him out in general, and you know how invested he is in my studies, so…”

Lucas had a hard time sorting out his own thoughts, but he had a feeling that this was important, a feeling that he needed to swallow down the tightness in his throat and start making this about Eliott instead of drowning in his own feelings. “And what about you…What are you thinking then?”

“That it doesn’t feel like the right time?”

Lucas wasn’t sure if Eliott stating it as a question had been intentional, but the way he was running his fingers along his lips and how he avoided Lucas’ eyes, almost made it look like he was afraid to be caught in a lie.

“Hey,” Lucas reached over and brushed is fingers over the back of Eliott’s hand to get his attention back. “Was that a question?”

The room was bathed in silence for a couple of seconds before Eliott fixed his eyes on a spot above Lucas’ head and shrugged. “Well, maybe it was. How would you feel about me going to New York?”

His gaze settled on Lucas’, and there was something about the way his eyes reflected nothing but sincere wondering, that made Lucas take a deep breath and just settle with telling Eliott the truth.

“I would miss you.”

Fragile. That was what the air between them felt like in that moment. Eliott could be fire, and he could be a safe place – but in moments like these, he was simply the one person who Lucas couldn’t help but be truthful with, while simultaneously drowning in uncertainty and anticipation. He couldn’t take his eyes off Eliott, and Eliott’s eyes wouldn’t leave his either, like they were simply taking each other in, no challenge and no hidden agenda.

“Would you? Even though you have –” Eliott cut himself off and adjusted his eyes, his jaw tightening the slightest bit, almost as if he was forcing himself to stay quiet.

Lucas narrowed his eyes, nodding his head once to prompt Eliott to finish his sentence. “Even though I have what?”

Eliott shook his head. “It’s not important,” he smiled, reaching over and squeezing Lucas’ shoulder once, “I’d miss you too, Lucas.”

“Even though I what?”

Eliott laughed, rolling his eyes. “You’re impossible. Maybe take a hint? I don’t even know what I was saying.”

The problem was that Lucas didn’t believe him – it was obvious that he wasn’t telling the truth, really. “Eliott,” Lucas said, tilting his head to the side and putting on what he hoped was his best ‘not impressed’ expression. “Even though I what?” he repeated for the third time.

And apparently, sometimes three times really was the charm, because after another short beat of silence, Eliott took a deep breath that sounded a lot like an insufferable sigh and raised his brows at Lucas. “Well you have a boyfriend now, don’t you?”

Lucas was completely and utterly taken off guard - he was stumped really. Out of everything that he had expected Eliott to say, the mention of Corentin hadn’t even crossed his mind for the fraction of a second.

“You’re joking, right?” Lucas couldn’t have kept the bewilderment out of his voice if he had tried. “Do you actually worry about that?”

Eliott didn’t really give him an answer, but his lips pursed slightly, and a vertical wrinkle appeared between his brows, urging Lucas to inquire further. “Are you… jealous, or what?”

That seemed to strike Eliott enough to spark a reaction. His gaze snapped back to Lucas, and Lucas realized that he must have been spot on when he noticed the way Eliott looked like he had just been caught red-handed.

“Eliott. You’re my best friend. Of course I’ll still miss you if you decide to leave, no matter if I have a boyfriend or not. What are you even saying…” Lucas made sure to accentuate each word with his eyes. “Okay?”

Eliott looked a little thrown off, almost as if they were having two different conversations and he was trying to catch onto what Lucas had just said. When he finally did speak though, Lucas couldn’t help but notice the tiredness etched into his face. “Yeah, no I know that… It was stupid,” he shrugged, taking another long breath before continuing, “let’s just talk about something else?”

Lucas studied his face for bit longer. He noticed the way Eliott already looked half asleep and decided to let it go for now. “Do you wanna just go to bed? I don’t know if I’ll be able to deal with your little cousins tomorrow if I don’t get at least six hours of sleep.”

Eliott groaned and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Fuck, you’re right, I’m tired too,” he yawned, stretching his arms out and motioning towards the bathroom, pushing Lucas to get ready for bed first.

*

Lucas had been getting comfortable under the covers - aimlessly scrolling through Instagram, when Eliott resurfaced from the bathroom. There must have been a moment in which Lucas zoned out though, because next thing he knew, Eliott was sitting on the edge of the bed, completely shirtless, with his boxers being the only piece of clothing left covering his skin. He wasn’t even looking at Lucas, busying himself with something on his computer instead, which was positioned on his legs. Lucas couldn’t help but notice the way Eliott’s boxers were riding up high enough in a way that didn’t leave much to imagination. His own abdomen was starting to feel tight and it took all of his will strength not to let the feeling spread downwards.

Eliott closed his computer and put it down on the floor, just to get on his knees, seemingly ready to crawl over towards Lucas’ end of the bed.

“What are you doing?” Lucas raised his voice, and it came out dry, the dampness of his hands, clasped together under the blanket a cruel contrast.

Eliott stopped dead in his tracks, looking puzzled. “Going to bed?”

“Naked?” Lucas’ voice still came out more strangled than he would have liked, his jaw tightening where he was clenching his teeth together in order to keep himself from saying something stupid.

It seemed to baffle Eliott enough to stay right where he was. He sat down on his knees, at a safe distance, his eyes roaming over Lucas’ face in confusion. “I’m not even –” he paused and cleared his voice, looking down at his own body. “Wait, does this actually bother you?”

“No!” Lucas shook his head, sitting up a little and willing himself to calm down – the last thing he wanted to do was to make Eliott feel uncomfortable in his own bedroom. He shook himself out of it and went with the next best excuse that came to mind. “No, it’s just, you know with Corentin…”

And maybe that excuse had sounded more plausible in his head than it was in reality, because all Eliott gave him in return was silence, a dent between his brows, and then even more silence, his gaze so intense that Lucas actually felt it in his stomach. “What about him?”

Something close to panic started bubbling up in Lucas’ chest. The rush of adrenalin helped him to come up with an excuse in an instant though. “Well, how would you like it if the guy you’re with slept beside some other naked dude?”

“Some other naked dude?” Eliott's tone was dry, and he was giving him a _look_.

Lucas knew that look full well. It was the look Eliott used whenever he wanted to say something that was most likely going to be offensive, or at the very least defensive, but decided to hold himself back instead. Lucas knew that Eliott was well aware of both, the look he was giving Lucas, and the fact that Lucas knew exactly what it meant.

“Okay. Sure, it’s cool. I'll change.” Eliott finally caved. He jumped up from the bed, making Lucas avert his eyes, and walked over to the closet to pull out a sweater. They hadn’t had a ‘sleepover’ in a very long time. Nowadays sleepovers were more or less accidental, one of them falling asleep when they were watching a movie or talking late at night, hence no chances of getting down to their boxers beforehand. Lucas couldn’t have taken any chances with how his body might have reacted to an almost naked Eliott lying right there, next to him. Eliott had a tendency to roll into people’s space when he slept, and that could already be enough of a challenge without him being undressed.

Once Eliott strolled back to bed, now wearing a sweater and knee-long shorts, it didn’t take long for Lucas to realize that it was one of his own sweaters, a grey one with a red rose printed on the chest badge.

Lucas raised his brows and nodded his head towards Eliott’s chest. Eliott just sat down and rolled his eyes at him. “What? It’s winter. I need to save up my sweaters. So, if you’re gonna make me wear one to bed, it’s gonna be this one.”

Lucas pretended to be offended. “What’s wrong with that one? You wouldn’t wear it outside?”

Eliott moved towards the head of the bed and lay down on his side, leaving some space between them. “I don’t know, the size for starters?”

“Touché,” Lucas huffed. He remained seated with his back leaning against the headboard, Eliott looking up at him from where he was bracing his head on his hand.

“Well, you can have all of the duvet then. I’m not planning on dying of a heat stroke tonight.”

“Stop being dramatic.” Lucas laughed, shoving Eliott’s shoulder so that he fell flat on his back.

Eliott stayed right there, and Lucas lay down himself, pulling the duvet up to his chest. “What I wanted to say earlier is that, yes, I would miss you. But I would also be really proud of you. You know that, right?”

He felt like it was necessary to set that part straight. Missing Eliott was valid, it would be a problem, but the less selfish part of himself needed to make sure that Eliott knew he would have Lucas’ full support. God knew Eliott was good enough at getting too into his head without the people around him making it even harder on him.

Eliott sighed and turned around to face Lucas again, his eyes twinkling. “Okay. Thank you. But like I said, I’m not planning on going. You can be proud of me for keeping my eyes open right now though.”

Lucas had to smile at that, biting down on his lip to stop his face from splitting even further. Eliott’s eyes were visibly becoming heavier by the second as they roamed over Lucas’ face. They were becoming less harsh around the edges now, more delicate and sweeter, and Lucas felt himself relax a little bit. He was certain that Eliott was only moments away from falling asleep, but his eyes kept blinking open in the dimmed light, continually refocusing on Lucas’ face. A sense of protectiveness overcame Lucas then, one that he was all too familiar with, and one that stirred his actions more often than it didn’t. So, when Eliott’s eyes blinked open again, Lucas sighed, and opened his arms, smiling when Eliott’s eyes shot to full openness.

Eliott released a breathy laugh, evidently sleepy, and before Lucas had time to reconsider his offer, he had a face full of hair – Eliott snuggling himself right into Lucas’ space. Despite being somewhat prepared, Lucas’ body still twitched a little when Eliott’s nose grazed the skin in the crook of his neck. For all he knew, Eliott didn’t even bat an eye, and he certainly didn’t say anything. Then again, it would not have surprised him if Eliott was already asleep by now, if the deep, even breaths that started to tickle his collarbone were anything to go by. He was mistaken though, because only moments later, Eliott’s drowsy voice filled the silent room again. “So, this is still allowed then? Corentin is fine with some random dude cuddling his boyfriend?”

Lucas chuckled, shaking both of their bodies, his cheeks heating up. “Shut up…” he mumbled, and reached over to turn off the bedsite lamp.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Eliott whispered, before squeezing Lucas tightly and mumbling against his shoulder. “Good night, Lucas.”

“Good night,” Lucas whispered back, not quite trusting himself to speak any louder than that. His head was floating in a weird space, and between the clothes he had thrown on, the duvet, and Eliott’s body, he started to feel hotter by the second.

Sometimes nights where there to pass – sometimes they would induce dream-filled states of bliss, leaving Lucas to wake up reset and recharged. On the contrary, there were nights like this one. Nights when all he could really do was envy Eliott for his exceptional talent that was falling asleep within what seemed like only a matter of minutes. A bigger part of him was glad for it, knowing full well that Eliott had enough of his own fitful nights. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t envy him a little for finding quick peace tonight, when Lucas was struggling with it more than ever. As much as his body was concerned, sleeping wouldn’t take any priority that night.

There were times when sleeping felt like a chore to him, even so much that sometimes he found himself being content with his sleepless nights. On the flipside, there were those times when all he could do was to face the darkness, combat the night, and fight his own thoughts – and those were the times when he would do anything to find some rest, some peace of mind. Tonight, it was not either one. He just felt hot. And while he didn’t trust himself falling asleep with Eliott like this, and didn’t plan on falling into a dream state to begin with, he was also far from being content with it. And it was that same confliction again – finding a safe space in Eliott, being comfortable around him – only to let buried feelings get in the way to the point where that feeling of ease was buried right with them.

Eliott kept moving in his sleep. They had been lying there in that same position for a while now, and when Eliott shifted once more, his mouth touched the skin in the crook of Lucas’ neck this time around. And as if that didn’t put Lucas on edge enough, Eliott’s hand started to wander down from his shoulder right to his stomach and settling there - warm and heavy. And Lucas was fucked – goosebumps spreading from his neck, over his chest and down his legs immediately. He was fucked, because all other sensations started rushing downwards, towards his crotch, almost as if the tension he had suppressed earlier decided to come back full-force to fuck him over. Just the scent of Eliott’s hair that was now tickling his nose sent him into a heady space. A lot of times, mixed feelings were the norm for him when it came to Eliott, but as much as he would have liked to write this down as anything other than what it was, there were only so many things he could be in denial about – and the semi hard dick he was currently sporting wasn’t one of those things.

The tension only grew when Eliott sighed, his hot breath sending the skin on Lucas’ neck into overdrive and prompting even more goosebumps. Lucas had to bite down on his lip harshly, feeling himself being driven up the wall slowly but surely. He needed to get away from Eliott, and he needed to get away from him quickly. He tried to free himself ever so slowly. There was a moment in which he felt slightly alarmed, when Eliott started shifting with him, his arm threatening to curl around Lucas even tighter. He was fast asleep though, and Lucas’ movements didn’t even come close to waking him up for real.

Once Lucas had managed to disentangle himself from Eliott, he moved as close to the outer edge of the bed as he could, and just a split-second later, he noticed how Eliott’s hand was extending, reaching out, and brushing over the empty space of the mattress that was now separating them. Lucas rid himself of the blanket and proceeded to glare at Eliott’s silhouette in the darkness, his body at least cooling down and his mind clearing up to some extent now.

He was completely at a loss. There was a feeling like he had reached some sort of boiling point without being able to put his finger on what had tipped him over exactly. At the same time, he didn’t care about rationale anymore because trying to find logic in this mess would have left him empty-handed either way. At the end of the day, he was still at a complete loss, and he was still completely and utterly fucked. And for once in his life, it felt like he could no longer ignore that – because while Eliott had been the one to help him untie the knots in his head and his heart more often than Lucas could remember, he had also been the one to tie them in the first place one too many times. And it was one of those moments when imagining all the other Lucases doing things differently, just wasn’t enough anymore.

 --

 

People always told him that time had a way of telling the truth - _time will solve most things_ – _time will heal all wounds, bla bla bla._ The problem was that nobody ever specified what time exactly meant – between one minute and the rest of one’s life, time was as vague as a concept could get.

One week had passed since Christmas – and whatever the term ‘time’ was supposed to incorporate, in Lucas’ experience, one week had not been enough to tell him anything, solve anything, or heal anything – it had done shit for him, really. One week had passed and Lucas was left being as clueless as ever. He could almost hear a mock voice in his head telling him to take it minute by minute, only for him to realize that minutes added up too, and eventually even that would become too much.

**_1 week ago_ **

_Waking up on Christmas day felt disorientating. Lucas hadn’t slept more than two hours, and when his body stirred awake, there was a moment in which he couldn’t make sense of the notebooks laying around, the scattered papers, the bed that wasn’t his – it really took him a moment to remember where he was exactly. And once he came to his senses, he started looking around for Eliott who was nowhere to be found. What he did find however, was that there was something strange in the air, like some sort of shift that had evolved over night. And when Eliott ventured out of the bathroom a couple minutes later, it only became more prominent, leaving behind a bitter taste in Lucas’ mouth. And whatever it was, it seemed like Eliott could feel it as well, the air between them shifting into awkward territory. Lucas was glad that once they left Eliott’s room, there were hectic gift exchanges, time-demanding little cousins, and heaps of food to busy themselves with. So, when Lucas let Eliott know that he had to leave in the afternoon because Manon was going to spend the evening alone otherwise, Eliott didn’t bat an eye, hugging Lucas goodbye at the door and agreeing that they would text each other about New Year’s Eve plans._

Now, one week later, Lucas found himself inside of a mansion, music blaring, swarms on top of swarms of people entering the space, and the guy guarding the door looking like an actual security guard in his late thirties. So, maybe he had underestimated exactly how loaded Corentin was. Corentin, who had  suggested to throw a New Year’s Eve party at his family home since his parents would stay in Australia for another week. Lucas had started asking around and not much to his surprise, his friends didn’t need to be asked twice. Eliott had been weird about it, rambling on and on about how he needed to see what Idriss and Sofiane would be up to. As it turned out, though, they had both already been invited by Imane, and when Lucas had told him this, Eliott had acted surprised and agreed to join after all.

The party was not exactly up Lucas’ alley. It was a little bit too wild and a little bit too tacky for his taste, which definitely made Corentin score some pretentiousness points in his book. He seemed to be alone with his mild distaste though, the rest of the boys deeming it the best party of the year.

“YO!” Lucas’ eye twitched at the nagging and loud way Basile shouted right into his ear. He turned around slowly and glared at his friend.

“This is SICK!” Basile put both of his hands on top of Lucas’ shoulder, shaking him a bit and making wide eyes. Parties were already noisy enough without an overexcited, buzzed Basile yelling right into his ear. It made the hair on Lucas’ neck stand – in the least good way possible.

“Corentin though? Nice score, dude,” Basile squeezed his shoulders one more time, the grin on his face brighter than ever.

Lucas raised an eyebrow. He took one step back and pointed a finger against his friend’s chest. “Basile? Shut up.”

Basile shrugged, the expression on his face not changing in the slightest as he looked around between Lucas, Yann, and Arthur and spread his arms in the air. He raised his voice once more, making the rest of the boys cringe and shake their heads in embarrassment. “Okay, guys! Paradise is calling,”

-

Corentin kept bouncing back and forth between entertaining his guests and checking up on Lucas, joining him on the dance-floor every now and then, bringing him another bottle of beer, and stealing a kiss here and there. He had invited a good amount of people from his old school as well, and Lucas was glad he didn’t make a big deal out of introducing him to each and every one of them. Lucas liked his dynamic with Corentin – it was playful, and sweet, and he enjoyed the balance that was kept between them socializing with their friends and with each other respectively. It was easy. Not complicated.

Lucas skipped over to where he saw Imane, Alexia, and Daphné dancing in the middle of the gigantic living room with the beautiful high-rise ceiling. Daphné screeched when she saw him and jumped into his arms, nearly making the both of them fall over. Lucas laughed out loud and obliged when Daphné placed a wet vodka kiss on his cheek and started jumping around to the music with her hands clasping his.

They had been stupidly dancing for a while, when Lucas heard a chanting go through the crowd. Some Trap song started playing, and Lucas found Eliott, Sofiane and some of Sofiane’s friends from the dance studio, right there in between the set up bar and the entrance hall – they were catching the attention of almost everybody nearby. Lucas saw Sofiane and another guy right in the middle of their little circle, having a very skilled and enthusiastic looking dance-off.

His eyes got caught on Eliott, though, and he could tell right away that he was more intoxicated than he would usually allow himself. He was dancing around with the others, not as skilled, but definitely with the same amount of enthusiasm, and Lucas couldn’t take his eyes off him. Eliott may have been the least skilled dancer in that circle, but seeing him smiling brightly, and seemingly having a good time, lifted something off his shoulders.

They had arrived together earlier that night, and Lucas hadn’t missed the way Eliott was being suspiciously quiet on their way to Corentin’s. They hadn’t seen much of each other during the days leading up to New Year’s, Eliott being busy with some modelling gigs and school deadlines. Lucas didn’t quite know where they stood with each other at the moment, the feelings that had blindsided him over Christmas still heavy in his bones.

When Eliott’s gaze met his from across the dancefloor, Lucas’ instant urge was to look away, but he didn't give in to it, letting their eyes lock on like magnets instead. Eliott raised a hand and waved slowly, which made Lucas smile and wave back just as slowly. He was fairly sure that Eliott caught onto the mocking connotation despite being drunk.

Sofiane dragged Eliott back into the dance-off then, and Lucas forced himself to look away, deciding to head into the kitchen for another beer. It was beyond him how Corentin had managed to stack the kitchen with so much alcohol that they hadn’t run out by now, considering how many people had shown up. He opened one of the cooling boxes and was glad to find what he was looking for.

“You got tired of the performance as well?”

Lucas looked up from where he was leaning against the kitchen sink to find Imane smirking at him. He waved his beer around, signaling what had brought him into the kitchen in the first place, and took his first swig from the bottle.

“Ah, I see…” Imane nodded, taking a sip from her can of coke and eyeing him somewhat knowingly.

Lucas smirked, thinking about what Imane had just said. “What about you? I can't imagine you getting tired. Sofiane’s dance moves are very impressive. I’d be worried about the attention he’s getting in there, you better watch out…” Lucas said and winked at her.

“And that’s why you and I –” Imane paused to point a finger between the two of them, “we’re not the same. I know that there’s nothing to worry about.”

That made Lucas laugh and raise up his hands in defeat. “Okay, okay, fair enough. And for what it’s worth, I really don’t think you do either…”

Imane hummed and humored him with a warm smile before considering him with a look that made Lucas want to flee through the kitchen window– he could tell that she was onto something that he probably wasn’t even onto himself, no less prepared for.

“Eliott seems to be having a good time…”

Lucas narrowed his eyes at her, taking another sip from his bottle before shrugging. “Yeah, sure. And?”

Imane rolled her eyes. “Do you want to talk about why you guys aren’t attached at the hip tonight?”

“It’s a big party… loads of people to keep up with, nothing more.” Lucas really didn’t want to talk about it, and the fact that things with Eliott apparently weren’t only weird in his head, but also visible to the people around them, only made him feel more uneasy about the situation.

They were stood there in silence, watching the crowd in the other room for a while when Lucas decided that he needed to catch some fresh air. His mind was in a bit of a frenzy, and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the alcohol or if there was more to it – There was most definitely more to it.

In the end, he decided against stepping in front of the door, noticing that it was no less crowded outside than it was inside – the cigarette smoke and loud chatter most likely not going to help with his sudden need to catch a breath.

He had put his overnight bag in Corentin’s room earlier and decided to try his luck and see if Corentin had locked the doors upstairs, or not. He was relieved to get inside the bedroom without problems, closing the door behind him and immediately aiming for the bed. He let half of his body lie down on the mattress, his feet remaining on the floor as he stared up at the ceiling.

He started busying his hands with the phone in his lap, just tossing and twisting it around, trying to get the chaos inside of his head back under control. Breathing slowly seemed to help, but when someone knocked on the door, his body stilled. His first thought was that it must have been Corentin, but another part of him doubted that Corentin would knock on his own bedroom door – unless he was expecting someone to hook up in there. Lucas remained silent and braced himself on his elbows, staring at the door.

The universe tried to play tricks on him all the time, and he really shouldn’t have been as taken off guard as he was when it was none other than Eliott who opened the door. He took one look at Lucas, and entered the room, closing the door behind himself and remaining where he was. If there had been even the smallest part of Lucas that felt competent enough to construct a whole sentence in that moment, he would have asked Eliott why he was just walking around a stranger’s house, opening random doors when the party was clearly restricted to the first floor.

Eliott spared him of having to ask though, seemingly reading Lucas’ thought process in the silence between them. “Imane said you went upstairs… She seemed a bit worried.” Eliott’s words weren’t slurred, but he was talking noticeably slower than usual.

“Oh yeah?” Lucas just blinked, remaining in his spot on the bed, still breathing slowly.

“Yeah…”

He was almost certain that if he got up now, his head would start spinning, but when Eliott sat down on the edge of the bed next to him, he tested the waters and sat up slowly. His head wasn’t exactly spinning, but there was a buzz making it hard for him to concentrate.

Eliott was sitting closer to him than expected. Their shoulders were almost brushing, and Lucas started playing with his phone, his wired mind not doing him the favor of calming down.

“Lucas…” 

Eliott said his name in a way that was somewhat soothing, velvety even, but Lucas didn’t want to look up. He was too afraid of finding himself being faced with questioning eyes. And he simply didn’t know how to answer any questions at the moment.

“What are the other Lucases doing right now?” Eliott’s voice came out a little low-pitched, the way it sometimes got when he had been drinking. Lucas’ eyes did snap up then, the randomness of Eliott’s words managing to bring him back a little. He noticed how Eliott’s pupils were swallowing almost all of the color in his eyes, only a thin ring of greenish blue remaining, and his cheeks more rose tinted than usual.

Part of Lucas wanted to give in to Eliott’s bait, wanted to make up stories about the other Lucases in parallel universes, make himself feel a little better, tell himself that between all of them, at least one Lucas had gotten it all right – but the words were stuck in his throat. All he could really focus on was the way Eliott’s lashes fluttered as he blinked slowly, eyes boring into Lucas’s, his pupils seemingly growing even further – if that was even possible at his point.

Lucas’ gaze dropped to Eliott’s lips then – they were parted ever so slightly, and Lucas felt the urge to bite down on the bottom one, to kiss it, and to feel Eliott’s breath against his own lips. He felt himself move – so slowly in fact, it would have probably been undetectable if anyone had been watching them. His eyes remained fixed on Eliott’s mouth on their own accord, but even the conscious part of Lucas didn’t dare to look up, too afraid of what he might have found in Eliott’s eyes. That was, until Eliott’s hand dropped to his leg, and Lucas’ gaze snapped up in an instant, finding Eliott’s eyes blazing. He could have sworn that they were moving towards each other when - Lucas’ phone buzzed.

The sound rang in the silence of the room, ruthlessly pulling Lucas back inside of his head, and making Eliott’s hand flinch away were it had been placed right next to the phone on Lucas’ lap.

Lucas picked it up, his hands on the verge of shaking when he read the message displayed on the lock screen.

**Corentin**

**23:49**

**Corentin** : Where are you hiding? It’s almost midnight

-

Corentin had sent a kissing emoji right after that first message, and Lucas swallowed, turning the phone around in his hand, and shoving it in the back pocket of his jeans. When his eyes dared to find Eliott’s again, he found the other boy already staring back at him with glassy eyes as he was running a hand through his hair. “Fuck. I- I’m sorry, Lucas.”

And right, Eliott was drunk, and he was apologizing – he was apologizing for something that didn’t happen, but would have likely filled both of them with regrets to carry and consequences to bear if it had happened. And as much as Lucas tried to internalize that, tried to be grateful for the interruption – an apology was the last thing he needed to hear in that moment.

“I have to go…” Lucas’ voice sounded distant as he started to back up. Eliott got onto his feet as well then, his mouth looking like it was on the verge of moving - but Lucas didn’t leave him any chance to say more as he stormed out of the door, only hearing the ghost of Eliott’s voice calling after him.

He had barely made it out of the room and walked around the corner when he stopped dead in his tracks again. “There you are!” Corentin’s voice echoed in his ears. He was just making his way up the stairs, smiling confusedly at where Lucas was frozen to the spot. He would have laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation if his mind hadn’t felt so foggy, and if the paranoia about Eliott being just one door away hadn’t been putting his nerves on edge.

“Hey,” Lucas forced himself to smile as he set himself into motion, meeting Corentin in the middle and closing his eyes briefly when he was pecked on the lips.

“You okay?” Corentin’s forehead was crinkling, his eyes giving Lucas a once over.

Lucas bit his lip. He nodded his head hastily and started to push Corentin towards the staircase. “Yeah, I just used your bathroom…The others were occupied.”

“Oh, okay, yeah sure,” Corentin shrugged and pinched Lucas cheek, “Mi casa es su casa,” he finished in a horrible Spanish accent and took Lucas’ hand, leading him down the stairs.

They joined the pool of people on the dance floor, and Lucas accepted the drink Corentin had mixed him gratefully. When he had just downed all of it, the music cut off, and people started counting down, the new year inching closer and closer. One second, Lucas was getting lost, staring at the crowd of people, their faces blurring together - and the next, Corentin was kissing him with his hands entangled in Lucas’ hair, their lips moving together smoothly.

A familiar tune started playing, and Lucas recognized ‘The Clash’ immediately, which Corentin acknowledged with a grin, placing his lips against Lucas’ ear and whispering. “Surprise. Happy New Year.” Lucas felt himself coming out of the fog a little bit, lifting a brow and looking up at Corentin, his head tilting back. Corentin took the hint and pulled him into another kiss, this time a little clumsier as they started moving together to the music, Lucas tasting the vodka on Corentin’s tongue. In between their kisses, Lucas’ eyes caught something in the distance, alerting enough for him to take a double-check.

His gaze found Eliott almost right away where he was standing at the bottom of the staircase, already looking at Lucas. He was too far away for Lucas’ drunk eyes to really see details, but he felt like even a blind person would have sensed Eliott’s glare like venom. Corentin’s lips caught his once more, and Lucas had to close his eyes, anything and everything about that situation slowly burning him into the ground. And when Corentin drew back for a moment, Lucas let his eyes flutter open again – only to find a completely deserted staircase - Eliott gone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!!! Don't hate me please :)))  
> Enjoy the rest of your day and the upcoming weekend, and some feedback would be lovely as always <3
> 
> tumblr: @chelouelou


	5. Thin Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiii ❤️  
> Sorry for the long wait, but what can i say, 2k19 has been.... a StRuGgLe tbh. I will be completely honest and tell you guys that i feel extra insecure posting this 13k chapter, but there have been such lovely comments along the way that i just decided to get over myself and post it regardless. Thanks for that, honestly. It means so much <3333

Lucas was convinced that under any other circumstances, he would have been able to estimate the situation, handle the situation even. Fighting with Eliott - he knew. Silence treatment from Eliott – they had reached that point multiple times. Getting lost in his feelings for his best friend, momentarily overwhelmed and questioning all his life choices - wouldn’t have been the first time either.

This though – it was unfamiliar. Things had gotten weird again, and it almost felt like a pattern at this point. Just before Christmas, Eliott had kept brushing him off, but it had been fine, had been easily excused, forgiven, and forgotten after the party Eliott had invited him to. Now, a week after New Year’s, they were in uncharted territory, though – they were outside of all the predictable waters they had managed to float on until then. Throughout the entire time of being friends, _almost kissing_ seemed to have thrown them off the boat completely when Lucas would have gladly ignored it, would have rather slipped into avoidance mode like he was used to.

If only Eliott hadn’t disappeared from that party and ignored Lucas ever since, they could have pretended that it never happened, could have just let it go. If only Eliott had replied to the _happy new year_ text Lucas had sent him the day after the party, or the one he had sent a couple days after that, asking Eliott if he wanted to join Manon, Mika and him to go ice skating, they could have moved on. There had been nothing from Eliott’s end, though, and Lucas didn’t know if this qualified as fighting, didn’t know if Eliott simply wanted space, and didn’t know why everything felt fucked up and who of them was responsible for it. Maybe they both were... All he knew was that Eliott was sitting on his chest, even without being physically present, and he would have to find a way to release the pressure.

Lucas’ thoughts were in a strange limbo between blank and smothering as he walked around aimlessly, following some impromptu path on autopilot without it really leading anywhere. He was mildly aware of the harsh winter air, navigating his way without thinking, and stopping at red lights.

The air was crisp - it smelled of clean rain, and the snow was turning into slush under his feet. He had been waiting for summer to return since October, and while that was a fact– beaming sunlight, refreshing wind, and clear skies would have felt misplaced when cold rain and dirty slush just about summed it up for Lucas. Summer would have to wait.

He took a deep breath, getting agitated by his own dramatics.

 

**_9 and 11_ **

_“You’re being dramatic again.”_

_Lucas had broken his leg - The world was ending. It was as easy as that._

_“No! I’m not! They told me I won’t be able to play for at least two months! That’s really bad, Eliott!”_

_Lucas was shouting at this point, and Eliott was watching him curiously, his eyes flitting over Lucas’ face with what seemed to be a million thoughts. “You don’t even like playing football that much. And it’s not like your dad can get angry with you for breaking your leg, dummy.”_

_Lucas sniffled in response, brushing at his eyes angrily. What did Eliott know - with parents that were practically heroes, he didn’t know shit. Lucas would bet that he had no clue what it was like to lock himself in his room, praying for his parents to just stop yelling at each other, just this once. Eliott’s parents were the happiest people Lucas knew._

_“I’m gonna get grounded as soon as he gets back from his trip. And he’ll yell at mom for letting me climb that tree! And then she won’t get out of bed for days.”_

_Eliott frowned at that, his nose twitching as he ran a knuckle across his brow. The silence only agitated Lucas further, and he made sure it was known by glaring at Eliott, tears continuing to flow to the brim of his eyes._

_Eliott rolled his eyes at the sight of it all. “Okay, let’s see…” He squinted at Lucas in concentration and pulled the sleeve of his sweater over his hand, quickly brushing some stray tears off Lucas’ cheeks. Lucas slapped his hand away, glaring even harder. He was so angry, he wanted to cross out the raccoon Eliott had drawn on his cast earlier._

_Eliott didn’t seem faced, though, because he started to bounce on his feet. He had the nerve to smile at Lucas, tilting his head to the side. “Okay. Remember when you told me you missed your mom playing the piano for you and your dad?”_

_All Lucas could do was to stare at Eliott with a hint of curiosity creeping its way in, another pronounced sniffle echoing between them._

_Eliott grabbed his wrist and squeezed it in a way that made Lucas feel reassured. “Hey…” He took another step forward and it made him loom right over Lucas, but it still felt more like a comfort, not intimidating like it sometimes would when Lucas’ dad stared at him from above. Eliott shrugged. “We’ll go to the community center, and we’ll ask Ameli to teach you something on the piano!” His voice sounded excited, but Lucas only managed to blink at him._

_“Well, what is it?” Eliott inquired, obviously expecting Lucas to be just as excited._

_“That’s never gonna work,” Lucas muttered, head hanging low._

_“Only one way to find out.” And Eliott sounded so hopeful. “Let’s go!”_

_Lucas didn’t budge._

_“Come on.” Eliott finally grabbed Lucas’ hand, lightly tugging on it. And it wasn’t like Lucas had anywhere else to be._

_*_

_It didn’t come as a surprise when his flawed version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star_ did _near to nothing to impress his father, nor did it keep Lucas from getting grounded. His mother on the other hand had sparks in her blue eyes that night, like Lucas rarely saw these days, and after months of begging, his father surprisingly caved and started paying for piano lessons, on the only condition that Lucas would show more enthusiasm during his football practices. Clearing the clutter around the dusty piano in the basement and picking up where he had left off during his classes was perfect for drowning out the sounds of fighting parents - and on her good days, his mother would join him, making it her mission to turn Lucas into ‘her little Mozart’, as she would always say._

_Breathing became a little easier after that._

_-_

He would be okay tomorrow, probably, maybe - but right then, he had somehow ended up standing in front of Eliott’s apartment and breathing easy was a little lost on him. He felt cornered instead. Cornered by Mika who had been giving him glances loaded with questions he couldn’t answer, cornered by Corentin who had been texting him non-stop since New Year’s, cornered by his own mind going at a speed he could no longer follow, and most of all: cornered by this silence Eliott was drowning him in.

So, he was standing there - pebbles under his shoes starting to show as the last bits of snow washed away. He felt like he belonged with them, flooded, lost, and stepped on – waiting to be picked up. He briefly wondered if pebbles knew how to breathe underwater, only to realize how tired he must have been to come up with shit like that. He didn’t even have weed to blame it on, but a few days of troubled sleep sounded like a good enough excuse. It wasn’t like him to let a good opportunity of being ‘ _dramatic’_ slip by like that after all.

Rain was drenching his scarf, and even though he was wearing a coat, the water was now seeping through his collar, right onto his light grey hoodie, and it would only be so long until more than just his Nikes were soaked, until his hoodie would turn into some darker shade, just like everything else. Maybe he was just waiting for the rejection to be washed away – leaving nothing but a quiet memory of a hand on his leg and lips barely a breath away from his – of the apology leaving those same lips just seconds later.  

He wasn’t even listening to music, had been too distracted to think about picking up his headphones. Surrounded by silence, time started slipping through his fingers, joining the pebbles on the ground. And what was he supposed to do? Sit in this spot and wait for Eliott to come pick him up? Go knock on Eliott’s door, and ask him to get his heart back? Just for Lucas’ heart to keep holding on, not letting go, just like that cartoon Eliott had shown him a while back, with the exception that Lucas’ heart would remain ripped apart. Maybe not forever. Probably not forever. But definitely long enough.

Thin lines were something he had gotten used to throughout years of friendship with Eliott. But for the first time in ten years, it felt like he was actually about to understand what exactly made thin lines so dangerous.

 

\--

There was something promising about the next morning – something a little brighter, with cloudy light shining through his blinds now that the days were slowly becoming longer again. Lucas swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stretched his body. His throat was sore, and he was not exactly feeling cheerful, but the fixed schedule that came with the end of winter break was enough of a push to try and get over himself. Last night, he had clearly outdone himself, with the walking, the thinking, the feeling, and the freezing. So, when he had stepped into the apartment, he had managed to do himself a favor and been knocked out, sound asleep almost immediately.

On the way to the kitchen, ready for coffee, he already braced himself for more of Mika’s unsubtle stares, but he ended up being pleasantly surprised by the smell of fresh croissants and Manon’s bright and unthreatening smile instead.

“Morning! I brought fresh croissants, help yourself - but quick!” Her voice sounded chipper and Lucas cocked a brow in response just as she took another theatric glance at her wristwatch and nodded her head at him. “You might have to eat it on the way, we’re gonna be late.”

Lucas smirked and made a show of dropping onto one of the kitchen chairs, helping himself to a croissant, unbothered. “Girl… why are you always on about taking the early bus? It’s not happening.” Manon frowned at that, and Lucas offered her another croissant, raising a brow and reaching forward to hold it as close to her nose as possible. It came as a bit of a surprise, but with Manon’s sigh and a tilt of her head, Lucas already knew he had won that battle.

They sat in silence, Manon busying herself with Luna who had jumped onto the table, purring insistently as if she hadn’t _just_ been served the finest cat foot for breakfast. Low traffic noises transferred through the open window as Lucas deliberately shook himself out of the isolated bubble he had created for himself these last couple of days. He opened Instagram and took a halfhearted photo of the neatly arranged breakfast, posting it on his story and tagging Manon with two hearts attached.

Daphné’s immediate reaction didn’t come as a surprise, he was convinced she had all her friends’ notifications on at this point – it was kind of cute if he was being honest. What did however surprise him was Eliott replying to his story within what could only have been two minutes, sending two heart-eye emojis Lucas’ way.

The hot irritation that flared up in him felt mildly out of place. How pissed could he really be at Eliott? It wasn’t like he himself had put in that much effort to get a hold of Eliott after two blocked attempts, nor did he have any idea how to deal with Eliott at this point anyway. And deep down he knew they’d be fine eventually, would probably just let any remaining awkwardness fade out the next time they faced each other, like they usually did. But Eliott and his constant random ways of seeking Lucas out whenever he pleased, completely foregoing any of Lucas’ attempts at sorting shit out, were starting to get on his nerves. And what did Eliott expect two meaningless emojis to accomplish, anyway? Lucas turned off the display, pointedly stuffed his phone into the back pocket of his jeans, and finally, let himself fall back into the backrest of his chair. He would keep himself in check and just let things play out as they naturally would. For now, he had a life to focus on, and that didn’t all revolve around Eliott.

Manon was eyeing him curiously when he looked up, but much to his benefit, she did not try to prod. Instead, she slowly averted her eyes, took a quick glance at her phone, and clapped her hands together in determination. “Come on, go ahead. We’re leaving… Now, Lucas.”

\--

 

The common room was empty and deserted – quiet but distracting. It was filled with traces of stories Lucas would rather not know the details of, the butt print on the wall opposite him being only _one_ example. In some parallel universe, or probably in many of them, Lucas must have left a butt print on that wall himself. It sounded like something he would do. And maybe, in one of those universes Eliott would have been there, coming up with some pretentious, artsy idea to paint the wall. Lucas vividly remembered the time Eliott had gotten distressed over the fact that Lucas’ landlord prohibited him from painting the walls in his room – ‘ _Jackson Pollock, Lucas. You really don’t…? Fuck, you really can be ignorant. Next time you’re moving, I’ll show you. Every color… just everywhere.’_

Lucas closed his eyes, willing the memory away, and when he opened them again, they fell on the piano by the expanded window front. Lucas had responsibilities, had a locker filled with them, but he could work on those later. He would reply to Imane’s text and arrange for them to get a head start on defeating the Bac, he would do his laundry, prod his father for rent money, and he’d make it up to Corentin.

For now, though, his eyes focused on the piano, its imposing structure, the basswood keys, the promise of letting loose in a non-destructive way. He swiped through the sheet music saved on his phone until his finger stopped mindlessly, on its own accord. The song had been saved on his phone for a long time, but he had never felt the drive to practice it as much as right now. So… that’s exactly what he did. He started to pour his feelings into the music, cleared his head, and quietened his thoughts - didn’t think about why he had chosen _that_ song in particular.

It was challenging, to say the least. But the frustration of continually slipping up drove him to become better and better at it, slowly, but he was getting somewhere. And the way it made him feel more himself than he had for a while, the way it mentally and physically absorbed him, made all the difficulty worth it.

-

“That sounds really nice.” Corentin’s voice startled Lucas. He had just been about to start the first verse again, but his fingers slipped off the keys, a cold rush brushing over his neck.

_Nice_ was not exactly what Lucas had been aiming for, but he kept that to himself. He cleared his voice, fully turning around on the piano stool. “Thanks…It’s gonna take me a while to play the full song, though.”

Corentin nodded. “You’ll have to play it to me once you do!” There was something off in his voice, the tone too bright, almost like he was trying to test Lucas - and Lucas couldn’t blame him. This was awkward, and it was nobody’s fault but his own. He hadn’t even thought of a good excuse for ignoring Corentin since New Year’s, and that was just straight up stupid. They went to the same school, of course Corentin wouldn’t just let him hide away until he had gotten his shit together

Lucas could feel tension radiating off Corentin now, but he decided to play it safe and went along with his direction of conversation. “Yes, maybe I will... But don’t expect it any time too soon, I was just bored and playing around with it.” Lucas stretched his arms, trying to sweep away the voice in his head telling him to stop lying, that Corentin wasn’t ever going to hear Lucas play _that_ song if his life depended on it. His eyes latched onto the large clock above the couch. “It’s almost lunch…Did you want to go together?”

For a moment, Corentin’s only response was a pensive expression on his face, his hazel eyes sparking with hints of accusation, before shifting into something that looked a lot like he had just committed to a decision. He completely ignored Lucas’ question, probably recognizing it for the poor attempt at distraction that it was and sighed. “Listen. I was thinking, and maybe _this_ ,” he pointed between Lucas and himself. “You think, maybe we rushed it, or something?” It was stated more like a declaration than a question, and Lucas’ back straightened in an instant.

“Meaning?” he blinked, trying to get his mind back on track, back to reality, focused and ready for the inevitable promise of dread that this conversation had already written all over itself.

“I don’t know, you tell me… You’ve been avoiding me since New Year’s.” And there it was. No undistinguishable edge in his voice left, just simple cards out on the table.

Lucas averted his eyes, shaking his head slightly but not exactly trying to put up a fight at this point. “… I wasn’t doing it on purpose.”

“But it’s what you were doing, isn’t it? Avoiding me…”

Lucas let the silence drag on for what Corentin evidently considered as too long. “It’s okay, Lucas. Look, I don’t really know what’s going on, and you obviously aren’t so keen on letting me in on it –” Something about the way Lucas raised a brow made Corentin pause and raise two hands like he was trying to stop Lucas from interrupting him. “And that’s okay. We barely know each other. But I just don’t need things to get complicated if you’re not really in _it_ , you know?”

Lucas was being broken up with. He didn’t need any experience with relationships to realize that, but that didn’t mean he had a passable response ready. So, with no better move at hand, he just sat there, staring at Corentin with his lips firmly tucked between his teeth, arms crossed. His head was roaming – he felt slightly stunned, and yet, it all felt somewhat insignificant. Lucas was being broken up with, and it didn’t feel like the world was going to end. Didn’t even feel like it was ruining this _day_ alone. It stung a little, though, and there was a hint of feeling like being proven right – like maybe relationships just weren’t for him, or vice versa, like he just wasn’t made for them. It could have almost been funny, how his first relationship, if he could even call it that, had lasted for barely a month.

Corentin, as Lucas was coming to realize, really was not a big fan of silence because with another vague hand gesture, he made Lucas’ verdict become reality. “Look… I think in the long-run I’m just gonna be looking for more than what we’ll be able to give each other, so… Let’s just stop pretending before this gets complicated or anything.” Corentin’s words came out in a matter of fact way, simple, but effective. There was the hint of something else, though, something concealed in his voice that Lucas noticed, but chose to ignore - if not for Corentin’s sake, then for his own.

“Okay.” Lucas settled on nodding. “I get it. It’s cool.” He was surprised by how steady he managed to keep his voice. “I agree with you actually, and…” he hesitated, not wanting to make this a big deal, but also feeling like he at least owed Corentin _something_ more than ‘I get it’. “I’m sorry for wasting your time. It’s just. I think maybe relationships aren’t for me right now? I have some stuff going on and it’s… just fucked timing.”

Corentin glanced at him, shifting from one foot to the other. “It’s really not that deep, okay? I don’t think it was wasted time. And I’m not blind either…”

If Lucas hadn’t already been looking at Corentin, his eyes would have definitely snapped up at that. Before he could overthink it, though, Corentin continued with a voice that sounded suspiciously soft to Lucas.

“Listen… if there’s something you wanna talk about, I’m here, okay?” He waited until Lucas nodded cautiously and continued. “I’d still like to be friends if you’re down… That’s the good thing about this ending before fucking up too much or making it complicated, right?” Corentin considered Lucas for a moment. “Or, you know… I could do casual as well, I think… If it’s clear and communicated.”

His smile was charming as ever - Lucas had to give him that much, and the boldness of that statement was surprising enough to make him laugh. “Maybe, yeah. I’d like to stay friends. And honestly… I’m here too, if you need someone to talk to.”

Corentin beamed, releasing an exaggerated breath. “Well, shit. Good thing we settled this then. I really love the girls too much to lose them over things getting awkward and them siding with you.”

Lucas pulled a face. “Actually… They’re snakes. I feel like they’d betray me for you without thinking twice... Especially since your house is _party heaven_ to them.”

Corentin clicked his tongue, propping a hand on his hip. “Oh, they’re the snakes, yeah? Heard different stories, but okay…”

Lucas faked offense, narrowing his eyes as he started to gather his stuff, and Corentin shrugged. “Well, you no longer have the boyfriend advantage, so I can side with them now.”

“Touché,” Lucas admitted defeat. He brushed past Corentin and motioned for him to follow along. “Let’s get lunch…”

*

Their ways parted in the cafeteria, Lucas finding his spot with the boys, and Corentin deciding to eat with the girls, their goodbyes turning out to be awkward but hopeful nonetheless. It had been easy, really. Much easier than he would have ever imagined a breakup to go, but he kept quiet about it, not sure what to make of the whole situation himself yet. For now, he was thankful for the way Arthur gave him a questioning glance but didn’t prod when Lucas shook his head. He was thankful for the distraction, talking to his friends, ending up laughing to the point where he had to catch his breath, and he was thankful for Yann letting him copy the homework he had completely forgotten about over the holidays.

 

 

\--

Towards the end of the week, Lucas felt back on top of his game. By Saturday, he had not only checked in with his mom, but had also arranged the rent money with his father, gone to the gym, done all of his laundry, and arranged extra study sessions with Imane.

On Thursday, he had even managed to spend some quality time with the gang. They had been hanging out at their usual café, trying to beat their scores at the boxing arcade machine when Lucas had received a string of WhatsApp messages – Eliott rambling about Elina missing Luna and completely ignoring the texts Lucas had sent to him the week before. After reading the messages for approximately three times, he had pieced together that Elina wanted to make use of his Christmas voucher to spend time with Luna on Saturday. Lucas had felt a misplaced but strong urge to laugh, and if only out of frustration. He would never get used to the way Eliott could be so shamelessly blunt in one moment, only to turn into a rambling, indirect mess in the next. Any other day, the familiarity of it would have made him feel some sort of warmth, but with them almost kissing, and a week of ghosting on the resume, he had felt a strong desire to flush his phone in the toilet instead.

It hadn’t been the first time for him to feel the urge either, because throughout the entire week, Lucas’ Instagram feed had practically been spammed with Eliott’s modelling related posts. What really had Lucas take a deep breath though, really had him want to _unsee_ things, had been Eliott’s story on Wednesday – a photo on top of an all too familiar rooftop, the one that belonged to the community center they had first met at all those years ago. The photo had been taken at night and he had captioned it _‘…never not…’_ with two emojis – a _thought bubble_ and a _lighthouse_.

The combination of nights, rooftops, and Eliott, did not exclusively hold happy memories for Lucas, and he would have panicked a little if it hadn’t been for the story that had followed immediately after - Eliott hanging at Idriss’ and Sofiane’s place, safe and sound. So, instead of panicking, Lucas had been ambushed by a wave of invisible feelings and ended up procesing them by practicing the piano for another two hours.

 

Now, on another freezing cold Saturday afternoon, Lucas was sat across a chatty Elina. She was pointing the laser light toy at the wall to their left, interrupting her ramblings with laughter when Luna jumped right after it, only to wind up with empty paws – yet again. Elina had been at his place for nearly two hours now, dropping by right after her basketball practice, held conveniently close to the flatshare. Lucas didn’t understand how she wasn’t exhausted yet, after basketball, organizing Luna’s entire toy box, convincing Lucas to chaperone her to the supermarket to buy extra cat treats, and persuading him to get waffles on their way back home, she was still as energetic as ever.

Much to Lucas’ surprise, she had even insisted on cleaning Luna’s litter box. The surprise, however, had only lasted until she repeatedly reminded Lucas to mention all of her efforts and maturity to her parents the next time he would come over to their house. Lucas figured there had been another ‘ _is Elina old enough to take responsibility of owning a pet’_ discourse in the Demaury household… How Lucas loved being dragged into those…

He watched Elina soothing her hand over Luna’s tail and broke the comfortable silence between them. “You’re lucky she has a soft spot for you… Mika did that the other day and let’s just say he regrets it.”

“See! Please mention that in front of my mom too.”  Elina’s grey eyes were sparkling with hope, her bangs falling in front of her eyes with how fast she whipped her head up.

“Okay, okay…” Lucas snorted. He doubted those would be news to Alice.

Elina clicked her tongue, tilting her head to the side. “Better wait until you tell her, though. She and dad are fighting. I don’t think they care about cats right now.”

“They’re fighting? That sucks…” Lucas cringed on the inside. Elina and he usually didn’t spend time together one on one, and he definitely couldn’t possibly have prepared for family drama talk.

Elina rolled her eyes. “It’s okay. I’m not upset, but it’s annoying.” The casualness of her voice seemed genuine and Lucas felt a weight lift off his shoulders.

“Yeah, I think I understand you… It can be annoying.  My parents used to do that nonstop before-” Lucas caught the word _divorce_ on the tip of his tongue _,_ just before it was too late. He really sucked at this. Who brought up divorce to an eleven-year-old whose parents were fighting…? He gave her a smile that probably looked sheepish and tried to save what he could. “Anyway, you’re always welcome here if you need a break.”

Elina laughed, taking a sip of the hot chocolate Lucas had somehow whipped up. “It’s really not that bad! It’s just about Eliott and his stupid New York thing. Mom really needs to relax, he’s not a baby…”

Lucas’ mind blanked, and he tried his best to stop his eyes from going wide. “Oh, yeah?” was all he could provide, an array of questions on the tip of his tongue.

Elina took another sip of her hot chocolate, eyeing Lucas considerately. “But he told me he doesn’t even really want to do it. So, I don’t understand why he had to tell them you know?” Then, after a short beat she completely blindsided Lucas, asking, “So what’s up with you and Eli anyway? You’ve been weird since Christmas day.”

Lucas mouth fell open, then closed again, his eyebrows lifting in disbelief. “Nothing is up,” he tried, and seemingly failed if Elina’s unimpressed face was anything to go by. “I’m not discussing this with an eleven-year-old.”

Elina huffed, her nose lifting in offense. She picked up her phone to check something and looked pleased by whatever she found on there. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” she said, standing up. Then on second thought, she stopped in her tracks, regarding Lucas with a bizarre look. “I’m gonna leave my phone… on the table." And with that, she picked up her hot chocolate and left.

“Uhm, okaaay… Don’t fall into the toilet.” His words only reached her vanishing backside, and he was left behind feeling slightly puzzled. Sometimes Lucas genuinely wondered what Eliott and Elina had been fed when they were younger.

*

In retrospect, he really should have seen it coming, only had himself to blame for being naïve and trusting, really. This after all, was the same girl that had stolen cookies out of Lisa’s kitchen shelf when Lucas had first moved in, leaving Lucas behind to fend for himself when Lisa woke him up at three in the morning, claiming she knew it was Lucas who had taken them because Mika knew better than that.

Eliott had stroked his cheek and apologized on his sister’s behalf the next day when Lucas had gotten worked up again, and Mika had not let him live it down, calling Eliott his ‘boyfriend’ every chance he had gotten for a whole week. At least Lisa had been happy about the months’ supply of cookies Eliott had stocked her shelf with that day.

Moral of the story was, Lucas simply should have known that Elina had been up to no good the moment she had decided to take her hot chocolate to the toilet.

Her phone kept ringing loudly on the table, the vibrations almost causing it to fall off the edge. He picked it up, and despite his presentiment to read exactly _that_ name on the screen, he still swallowed when he saw Eliott’s caller ID. The phone stopped ringing, and Lucas’ eyes caught the notification on the lock screen - just a short WhatsApp message: _I’m here._

He felt awkward walking towards the bathroom. “Elina?” he called out, standing at a safe distance to the door, her phone clasped tightly in his now clammy hand.

“Let me guess,” she answered through the door. “Eliott is waiting downstairs.” And Lucas really didn’t like that tone in her voice, really didn’t like realizing he had definitely just been set up by a child.

“Uhm, yeah, so you should hurry up… He keeps calling,” Lucas tried his luck regardless, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, hoping the universe would take pity on him.

There was a beat of silence. Then, “I’m not getting out until Eliott comes up to get me.”

“… Are you… serious?” Lucas asked, as if he didn’t already know that she was in fact serious. Much like expected, he was met with silence, and it was the final kind of silence. He was definitely beyond fucked.

After taking a couple of steady breaths, Lucas used his own phone to call Eliott, hoping that he would pick up, considering this could have very well been an emergency situation. Following more rings than would have been appropriate in an actual emergency, Eliott’s voice finally echoed through the speaker, soft and a nuance lower, like it usually sounded through the phone.

Lucas got straight to the point. “Elina locked herself in the bathroom and she won’t open the door until you come up and get her.” The words came out in one clean stream, not anything more than necessary and firm enough to get across just how dead serious he was.

The other side of the line stayed still, long enough to fuel Lucas’ irritation, but just when it was about to get the best of him, Eliott released a shaky sigh. “Fuck, I can’t believe her... I’m coming.”

Lucas hung up promptly with his nerves rattled. He waited for a beat, then buzzed Eliott up on autopilot when the doorbell rang and opened the door. As Lucas heard the footsteps come closer, he opened it even wider hoping Eliott would get the hint and just come inside. He decided to make his own way to the kitchen in search for Elina’s backpack. He just really didn’t know what to do with himself other than trying to avoid an awkward greeting under the doorframe. It wasn’t like Eliott didn’t know his way inside, and he had sounded just annoyed enough on the phone to not bother with formalities anyway.

Lucas’ body betrayed him, though, making him stop in his tracks and turn around as soon as Eliott had undoubtedly entered the flatshare. The expression on his face looked like it might cut glass, but it faltered for a moment when he noticed Lucas, turning into something gentler. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something before changing his mind and snapping it shut again. He was left looking like drifting somewhere between feeling lost and apologetic, muttering a quiet “Hold on,” to Lucas, and stepping into the opposite direction of the apartment. Lucas was already expecting the rapid knocks on the bathroom door before they even started.

“ELINA! I swear if you don’t- ”

Eliott was cut off when the door clicked open, causing him to stumble back, and Lucas was not surprised by the lack of any signs of remorse on Elina’s face as she smiled sweetly at her brother, arms crossed in front of her chest. “What took you so long?” she asked, unfazed.

“What is wrong with you?” Eliott sounded like he couldn’t decide whether to be annoyed, furious, or tired, but Elina only rolled her eyes.

She stalked past Eliott, then right past Lucas, and entered the kitchen to collect her backpack and phone. “I texted dad earlier, he’s picking me up. So, you guys can talk,” she said in a bored voice, making her way to the front door.

“I’m telling mom you’re being manipulative again,” Eliott hissed half-heartedly when his sister was already halfway out the door.

Lucas doubted she had even heard Eliott, but then she stopped right before crossing the doorstep and gave him and unbothered hand motion. “Go ahead, she’ll thank me.” She rolled her eyes and fixed both of them with a look, each in turn. “Stop being annoying.” Then, off she was - door firmly clicking shut behind her.

They were immediately locked-in with an overbearing silence, the kind of silence one could hear a feather drop in, and Eliott’s stillness at the other side of the corridor unsettled Lucas. His face looked flushed, Lucas could tell that much, even with the small distance separating them, but he didn’t know where to place it. Was it flushed with _anger_? _Embarrassment_? _Something else_ completely? Lucas couldn’t tell, but it seemed that he wasn’t the only one feeling on edge.

Luna had been cowering in the entrance of the living room, but she used that moment to sprint into the middle of the corridor, coming to an abrupt stop right in-between them. She stayed there, frozen for a short beat, before sprinting off again, then back into the corridor, almost crashing into the shoe rack. When she stopped again, she was closer to Eliott, her tail moving in slow movements. Eliott followed her prowling with a startled expression.

Lucas kept his eyes on Eliott, his heart beating fast, but when he saw another flash of grey in his peripheral, he sighed and crouched down. He stretched out his hand and waited for Luna to stop right in front of him. “Luna, come on, you gotta chill,” he tried to soothe her, speaking in a soft voice that was particularly reserved for her. He picked her up and she started pawing at the hem of his t-shirt.

Eliott cleared his voice, stubbornly fixing his eyes on the cat in Lucas’ arms. “She seems hyper today. Luna…” he said.

“No. She is stressed.”

_Because I am stressed – Because of you_ , was what Lucas left unsaid. Eliott’s eyes slid away from Luna to glance at him, but he let them snap away again at the briefest hint of eye contact. Lucas felt a little angry, a little defeated, his chest left hollow but also heavy, heavy, heavy.

"Can I come in? I mean properly..." Eliott sounded calm. Too calm, almost. Especially after the agitation he had addressed Elina with just moments ago.

Lucas shrugged, “Yeah. Sure.” He felt wary, wasn’t sure whether he was blinking at this point, but there was also no way he would let Eliott go before they talked. When he took notice of Eliott’s winter attire, his trench coat, the black gloves, and the beanie covering his hair, it unsettled him, put him on alert as if Eliott was about to bolt within the next couple of heartbeats.

“Are you gonna take off your stuff first?” The words were out before Lucas could even think about stopping them.

“… What?” Eliott said, sounding almost strained and stopping in his tracks, eyes searching Lucas’ face.

“Your jacket… Take it off. Or did you have to be somewhere?”

Eliott shook his head, looking a little stunned, but he took off his jacket like requested and carelessly threw it on the wardrobe by the front door. The gloves and shoes followed suit, and so did the beanie, leaving his hair behind messy and wild. It left Lucas feeling unruly for an entirely different reason.

Lucas made his way to the kitchen, Luna still in his arms, and picked up one of the cat treats, feeding it to her. When he looked up, Eliott was standing close, and it was only then that Lucas noticed him wearing _that_ black sweater – the one that was too basic to stand out on its own, and yet, Lucas didn’t have to look twice to recognize it because the red strings attached to it had once belonged to his own sweatpants.

They had been clearing out Lucas’ closet and Eliott had insisted on reusing the strings, ending up claiming them for himself. And once again, Lucas got a taste of how the simplest matters – even a fucking washed out black sweater – kept sparking memories when it came to Eliott. It had never bothered him as much as it did now.

When Lucas finally teared his eyes away from those red strings, he was met with a wide-eyed Eliott, his lips set in a straight line, almost looking like he was expecting Lucas to vanish into thin air any moment as if it wasn’t _him_ who had pulled the disappearing act. Lucas didn’t want to fight, though, so he took a deep breath and decided to take control of the situation. He held onto Luna a little tighter and crouched down until he was sat on the floor, his back against the kitchen counter, legs pulled to his chest, and Luna nestled into his lap. Eliott slid down to sit against the fridge right across from him, leaving barely a leg length between them.

“I’m sorry about Elina,” Eliott broke the silence. “She doesn’t know about boundaries, clearly.”

Lucas bopped Lunas nose, keeping his eyes trained on her when he addressed Eliott. “Oh, yeah? That’s what you’re sorry about?”

“I’m sorry about New Year’s too.”

“Yeah… I already know you are. You didn’t have to go disappear because of that, though. It’s just _me_ after all.” It came out sounding more defensive than intended, but Lucas didn’t find it in himself to care all that much.

Eliott seemed to consider this, his eyes conflicted before he looked up at the ceiling and sighed. “You’re right,” he said in a gentle voice. “I’m an asshole…”

Lucas could have easily agreed with that, and a couple of days ago he might have been just frustrated enough to take the bait. Considering he preferred to avoid playing into Eliott’s insecurities, though, he decided to be up-front instead. What it came down to in the end was that he just wanted things to be okay between them again.

“No, I don’t think you’re an asshole…You’re just not making a whole lot of sense to me at the moment. And I don’t like that,” Lucas said, and that was in part the truth, but it was also a blatant lie. Because in one way or another, Eliott had always remained the one thing that made sense to him.

Eliott had his eyes trained on his lap. “Me too… I don’t like it either.” He looked up, smiling at Lucas, just a faint curve of his lips, a soft glint in his eyes. “But I’m here now, okay? And I was gonna text you soon, I promise.”

A paw reached up and touched his chin, and Lucas continued to pat Luna after having paused for a beat, scratching behind her ear apologetically. “Well, good. Because I really didn’t want to stoop so low and triple text you,” he said, smiling despite himself.

Eliott eyed him skeptically, not seeming convinced. “But…  Are you okay?”  
  


“Yeah,” Lucas drew his lip between his teeth and quickly released it when he noticed Eliott trailing the motion. “I- no. I mean, I don’t know. Are we, really? Okay?”

“I promise you – we are,” Eliott said, putting a hand over his heart. His eyes were clearly searching for some sort of connection now, something definite dancing in them. All Lucas could do was to give into it, wanting to hold onto the familiarity of it as long as possible. Staying mad at Eliott had never been a strength of his.

Lucas took a moment to himself, eyeing the multiple magnets on their fridge Mika brought home every time he traveled to a new place. The one he had bought in Oslo was pining one of Eliott’s drawings to the metal - the one illustrating the usual hedgehog, surrounded by a Golden Retriever, a penguin, and an owl, representing Yann, Basile, and Arthur respectively. Eliott had pinned it there after Lucas’ first week of high-school and Lucas remembered the relief he had felt back then, after making new friends so quickly. He basked in the memory for just a little longer before he cleared his voice. Now that he got to talk to Eliott again, he would make use of it.

“I saw you went to the rooftop… Felt inspired?”

“Something like that, yeah.” Eliott replied, eyes never leaving Lucas’, and Lucas made sure to give him an encouraging smile, prodding him to continue. Eliott shrugged, “Well, let’s say I hoped it would inspire me to sort out my thoughts.”

Lucas hummed, Luna’s purring against his chest in sync with the way his muscles were relaxing. “I haven’t been up there in so long. They put up a gate in front of the building…” he said, raising a questioning brow at Eliott.

Eliott snorted. “Yeah. I climbed over it,” he admitted, and Lucas snickered, causing Eliott to laugh, “What? They’re basically asking for it – it’s barely two meters high.” His eyes moved up from where they had been watching Lucas’ hand brushing over Luna. “We should go together next time… Like we used to. You love breaking rules – should be the perfect opportunity. And I miss it… going there with you.”

“Yeah. I miss it too,” Lucas said, and he really did. So much in fact that an overpowering sort of nostalgia started settling inside of his chest. He swallowed the feeling down and kept his hands busy with Luna. “So, did it work?”

“Hm?” Eliott’s eyes appeared unfocused, jumping between Lucas and Luna as he absentmindedly played with the red strings dangling from his hoodie. Lucas swallowed, something light-weighted taking root in his stomach.

“Sorting out your thoughts… Did that work?” he clarified.

Eliott blinked. “What do you think?” he asked, without really looking for an answer if Lucas had to guess, and when Eliott’s gaze finally stilled on him, Lucas gave him a look that hopefully signaled his understanding.

It seemed to do the job, bringing a small smile to Eliott’s face, but Lucas thought it almost looked little sad. They held each other’s gaze for another beat, Eliott’s next words quiet but confident: “I’ll tell you when I figure it out.”

Lucas nodded. “Okay. Good... But just in case you forgot…I’m very smart. I bet I could help you figure it out faster.”

It was enough to make Eliott roll his eyes, but the way his nose crunched betrayed him. “Oh, really? Because I just think a person that uses a city scooter to jump over a fountain and rips apart their shorts in the process is not the kind of person whose logic I need right now.”

Lucas gasped, affronted. “Fuck off! I told you that wasn’t my fault! That’s definitely on Basile!” He was half laughing despite feeling more than a little offended Eliott would make him relive the embarrassment of that fail of a summer day not too long ago.

Eliott gave him a _look_ and Lucas narrowed his eyes, pointing a warning finger at him. “It was! It was Basile’s fault. Don’t even think about fighting me on this. Because I will not hesitate to tell your dad what really happened last year. With his record player…”

Eliott was smiling, and it didn’t look sad this time, but there was a hint of disbelief evident in the way his lips parted. “Wow. Blackmailing, cool. Uncalled for… But you keep surprising me. I love that about you.”

That last part made Lucas’ breath catch for no apparent reason. “You know what was also uncalled for? Blaming it all on Luna. I think your dad seriously hates her now. I’m surprised he was okay with her staying over this Christmas...”

“Come on, he doesn’t hate her.” Eliott chuckled, his voice almost too soft to handle. When he noticed Lucas’ serious look, though, he shook his head, full-on laughing. “Fuck, what was I thinking begging my parents to buy you a cat? You love her way too much… You would even throw _me_ under the bus for her.”

Lucas shrugged. “I wonder about that too… The one good choice you made in your life. And it was all for me.”

“…Clearly,” Eliott said, his eyes drifting to Luna. The fondness in them made Lucas smile.

Silence settled between them again. Lucas noticed the little, blue cat toy to his right, and carefully started inching his fingers towards it. He didn’t know what inspired him to do it, but that was not really important right now. He simply felt at ease and that tended to make him a little reckless sometimes, so he picked up the little feather toy, dangled it in front of Luna’s face until she got all cautious, raising her paw, and then – he threw it right against Eliott’s chest, watching it drop into his lap, closely followed by a flash of grey jumping right after it, colliding with Eliott. His arms flailed, eyes going wide.

“Fuck – Lucas!” Eliott yelped when Luna momentarily got distracted by the red strings, her claws getting stuck as she playfully tugged on them. Lucas lost it at the sight of Eliott trying to make her stop – carefully, but hastily at the same time. When he finally succeeded and got Luna off his lap, he half glared at her as she trotted away with her tail high and confident. It caused Lucas to laugh even harder, so much that his head fell back and bumped right into the concrete behind him.

“What the fuck…” Eliott said, his own laughter barely contained now. There was a flush on his face and Lucas couldn’t quite put a finger on the way Eliott looked at him. He didn’t have to wonder for too long, though, because Eliott averted his gaze and started busying himself with inspecting the strings on his sweater again, almost as if Luna had not only attempted, but succeeded in murdering them.

“You’re impossible,” Eliott said once he was reassured that no real damage had been done to the textile. “You know that?”

“I guess so.” Lucas shrugged, his body still trembling with the last aftershocks of his laughter as he rubbed the back of his head.

When he noticed the way Eliott was still staring at him, though, he managed to contain himself. Trying to prevent any more of Eliott’s ridiculous comments about his laugh, he cleared his voice, “Beer?” he asked, casually brushing cat hair off his sweatpants. He ignored the way Eliott’s eyes followed the movement and waited for an answer.

“…Not right now... Water would be cool, though.”

Lucas nodded. He stood up slowly and stretched his body after sitting on the rock-hard floor for too long. He needed to open the refrigerator, but Eliott was still blocking it, so he cleared his voice. “I need to…” Lucas’ words died in his throat when he noticed how Eliott was left staring at his crotch area from this angle. It made his throat feel dry, so he uselessly motioned towards the fridge, hoping Eliott would catch the drift.

And…He did.

It was just that when Eliott rushed to get up, it was a lot quicker than Lucas would have anticipated, and suddenly he was looming over him, and again – much closer than Lucas could have possibly prepared for. In fact, there was so little space left between them that Eliott wavered a little, and it was even more evident like this - how much taller than Lucas he was. And yet the way his eyes were half covered by his lashes nearly made him look shy. Lucas would never understand how someone could be so startingly astonishing and delicate at the same time, how even with Eliott’s lashes almost brushing his cheekbones, Lucas could still make out the flicker of colors dancing in them.

He was momentarily distracted by the way Eliott’s chest was rising and falling, how it stuttered before every release of another breath– and it made his own breath get stuck somewhere in his lungs, urging Lucas to lick his lips, as if that was going to make breathing easy again. Something about the movement made Eliott’s eyes snap up, and Lucas was still able to pinpoint everything he knew in them, but despite that. This was new.

Eliott’s eyes were still gemstones, still speckled with green and blue, but the way his pupils dilated made them so prominently dark that no nuances of grey were left, and Lucas had to swallow, felt an unpredictable desire taking over, felt a longing he couldn’t quite contain.

He caved, reaching for the red strings dangling from Eliott’s hoodie and started pulling on them, rolling them between his fingers. In a way, they were like a part of himself, a part now attached to Eliott, and if Lucas had been high right now, he would have probably found a way to be jealous of a string of fabric.

When Lucas looked up, gaze drawn to Eliott’s as if he was enchanted, he didn’t have to be high to realize that Eliott had never looked at him like _that_ before. In fact, Lucas didn’t recall ever seeing that look on Eliott’s face, period. There were storms in his eyes, and yet, he somehow looked undisturbed – peaceful even. There was something unafraid about it all, decisive – and yet it felt fragile.

Lucas’ hand didn’t budge, and when he pulled on the strings with an even tighter grip, Eliott tripped forward, their feet colliding and Eliott’s hand landing on his shoulder to steady himself. And then – then, his hand trailed down Lucas’ chest, firmly pressing against it, right under his collar where he felt his skin heating up. Standing crowded together like this, Lucas couldn’t escape the scent that was so unmistakably Eliott, and he closed his eyes, tried and failed to keep his breathing steady. Lucas didn’t know whether seconds or minutes had passed – and not that it mattered – not, when he could feel Eliott’s breath on his skin now, coupled with the heat of his hand radiating through the fabric of Lucas’ shirt.

Before it was a kiss, it was the release of a labored exhale against his lips – soft, yet urgent, with Eliott’s hand still placed against his chest, tightening in the fabric of his shirt, pulling Lucas in closer until their noses touched. Lucas was forced to let go of the strings for good, and there was another shuttered sound, though Lucas’ didn’t know who of them was the source of it. He was too distracted reveling in getting a part of Eliott he had never had before, and it made Lucas feel raw, a little defenseless - but within all that, there was the sense of being in control in ways he could not recall experiencing before. Eliott proceeded to tower over him, and then suddenly, Lucas was on his tiptoes with nerve strings set on fire, and Eliott’s hand came up to touch his cheek, the other one tangled in his hair.

And then it was a kiss – Eliott bending toward him, a gentle thumb pushing into Lucas’ chin, first a soft graze, then a prolonged press of lips against lips. They drifted apart for just a short moment, so slowly that Lucas’ lip got stuck on Eliott’s for a heartbeat, the smacking sound as they parted ringing in his ears like thunder and making the air in his lungs go spare. He didn’t get to focus on that, though, because Eliott was pushing against him, making them stumble until Lucas’ back collided with the counter behind him, his hands grabbing onto Eliott’s perfectly messy hair, and that seemed to stir something in Eliott because his lips crashed back into Lucas’s - and this time it felt like they were back on his for good.

It made Lucas feel just right – made his mouth relax and fall open, Eliott’s lips smooth and solid, moving against his in just the right rhythm, kind of desperate, but soft - _again, and again._ The edge of the counter provided a pressure against his back that was on the verge of being painful but kept him sane in a way. Kept him sane through the solid heat of Eliott’s body aligning with his, the way Eliott’s arms tightened around his neck, his lips leaving a taste Lucas couldn’t imagine ever forgetting again.

They never broke away for too long, just long enough to catch a breath, never parting further than a forehead touch, and Lucas wondered if Eliott could feel his rapid heartbeat – but _he had to_ \- with the way he was pressing his body into Lucas, he had to. When Lucas’ hands tightened in Eliott’s hair, the added pressure forced them to deepen the kiss, and at the touch of Eliott’s tongue against his bottom lip, just a hint at first, Lucas gasped, allowing their tongues to slide together. They took another collective breath, and Lucas could not help the groan that escaped when he exhaled, causing Eliott’s body to shudder against him, his own exhale worn and soft.

Lucas’ legs felt like water, and he could feel himself unravel more and more with every count of breath. The only reason he was still standing was the way Eliott hauled him up, his hold strong and unforgiving. Their tongues brushed again, and Eliott hummed willingly when Lucas licked into his mouth, his hands moving up to cup Lucas’ face. Lucas melted right into the touch, one hand still tangled in Eliott’s hair, the other one now clinging to the hem of his hoodie, dragging the soft fabric down like he was desperate for more. Their lips kept drawing away and reconnecting in a languid and hot pace, a constant giving and taking, passionate and gentle.

Lucas was really getting carried away now, blood rushing to his ears, his chest, and further down, making his jeans feel tight rapidly, the heat against his lips sweet and sharp simultaneously. It frustrated him enough to lose it a little, to bite down on Eliott’s lip, and the hiss he got in return was blissful and delicious. Even more so, when Eliott’s leg pushed in between his thighs, causing Lucas to waver - his breath hitching loud and clear. It caused Eliott’s mouth to slip off, and the noise that escaped him sounded like an obscene version of all the times Eliott had gotten frustrated with him before. He would never be able to hear Eliott getting worked up again without getting turned on by it. Lucas was sure of that much.

They were stood there, their breathing growing more ragged with every passing moment, Eliott’s heady scent all around him, his taste still on Lucas’ tongue, and his hands still all over him. Lucas’ lips were left parted, his eyes closed and his head tilting up – he was waiting, but not for long because he could feel Eliott’s thumb press into his lip, felt their mouths drawing together again, just as –

The sound of the doorbell had never been this loud, had never been this harsh – and neither had Eliott pulling away from him ever left him behind feeling this stripped . The daze cleared from his mind almost immediately when Eliott backed up against the fridge again, eyes firmly closed now, and fingers flying to his lips, the irritated sounding groan he made causing Lucas’ stomach to drop into the depths of the ocean.

It was not like meeting a new person per se, but in a way it really was. Eliott looked about as flushed as Lucas felt, and he briefly wondered if his own lips looked just as plump as Eliott’s, but they had to, considering how much he still felt them pulsate. Lucas had never seen Eliott like that, and it scared him – scared him because beneath the surface, beneath the obvious reminders of what had just happened, there was something else there too, something that Lucas could not quite pinpoint, but it felt an awful lot like rejection, causing any blood that had rushed south to flow back into his brain - thoughts instantly circling, and head pounding.

Thinking about it was just too scary, especially with Eliott’s continuing silence, so when the doorbell rang again it felt like a blessing and a curse, forcing Lucas to snap out of it, thoughts shutting down without too much effort, but also leaving him with limited time to make things right, to not let this moment drive a wedge between them yet again. ~~~~

Much to Lucas’ horror, Eliott beat him in defeating the silence, though. “Fuck…” His voice was still raspy, his mouth still parted - and now that his eyes were open, glazed and difficult to read, it triggered something in Lucas that came from fear and left his heart skipping a few beats. Lucas could tell by the way Eliott’s eyes searched his face, that his fear wasn’t escaping Eliott’s attention, and when he caught the first signs of Eliott looking skittish and opening his mouth again, he panicked, initially interrupting Eliott before he could so much as get another breath in.

“It’s just kissing. It’s not a big deal. It really isn’t, Eliott.” He could only hope that the blurry edge to his voice would be dismissed all things considered.

Maybe the words were fueled by some sort of survival instinct, but they technically weren’t a lie either. And the hint of nausea spiking up in his stomach was easily ignored when Eliott’s mouth fell shut, his face visibly sobering up. There was still something unreadable left in his expression, though, something between a jaw-clench and an amused eyebrow raise, like one was fighting the other, and it kept Lucas on edge.

That was until Eliott took a deep breath, giving him a distracted smile with a touch of shyness that made Lucas’ insides squirm “…Just kissing,” Eliott said, something disguised in his tone, and there was a pause. “Okay well, it’s very impressive then… your kissing.” Eliott breathed. “Great… technique,” he finished, obviously trying for teasing, and Lucas was more than willing to take it. This was fine, they were taking this lightly for now, and Eliott wouldn’t have to run again.

Then, just when Lucas had been about to forget that someone was waiting in front of the flat, his phone started ringing. He rolled his eyes, declining the call, and texted Basile that he was in the bathroom and would open the door when he was ready.

Looking up from his phone, he found Eliott staring at him with a hint of apprehension in his eyes. “Was that Corentin?”

It genuinely pulled a snort out of Lucas, releasing some of his anxiety, and he shook his head, weighing the phone around in his hands. “No… I have to tell you something about that actually… But later.” He considered Eliott for another beat, noticing the tension in his shoulders matching his own, and he took a deliberate breath, tilting his head to the side. “Let’s just not overthink this… Don’t leave and ignore me again, okay?” he said, not even trying to hide the pleading edge in his voice.

“Yeah. I know. I’m not... It’s impossible anyway.” Eliott said, his mouth twitching like he was trying to fight a smile. “Who was that then?” he asked, gesturing towards Lucas’ hands.

“Oh this?” Lucas waved his phone around for no reason. “Just Basile…I invited the boys over, we’re making burgers. You’ll join?” And maybe it sounded a little _too_ eager, but Lucas just didn’t want Eliott to go yet - needed some more time to convince himself he wouldn’t disappear again.

“Clearly. I’m hungry anyway,” Eliott nodded, and Lucas exhaled. Maybe, hanging out with the boys and not making a big deal out of this would allow him to stop feeling like he might catch fire if he didn’t get to taste Eliott’s lips again - as if he hadn’t just had the best kiss of his life.

Lucas coughed. “Okay, I’ll open the door then…”

“Wait! You should probably fix your…” Eliott motioned uselessly towards Lucas’ body. “Your everything, really,” he said, eyes giving him a once-over, and Lucas’ face heated up faster than his heart was still beating.  

He could only imagine what he looked like if Eliott’s messy hair, the rumpled sweater, rosy cheeks and red lips were anything to go by. He ran a hasty hand through his hair, then over his clothes, and when he spared Eliott a second glance, he had to swallow, noticing the bulge visible through his jeans. He quickly willed himself to think about Basile, murdering any heated thoughts in an instant, and cleared his voice.

“You should run to my room, grab a pair of sweatpants,” was all he managed to mutter, barely able to meet Eliott’s eyes before sprinting towards the corridor and buzzing open the front door.

This was going to be a long night.

 

*

Yann was devouring his third burger, claiming he needed it after ‘killing it’ at the gym this afternoon, and bringing his plate to the living room where they all started to settle down. Lucas was the first one to throw himself on the couch, calling dibs on the most comfortable spot, the one without any dubious stains on it. To probably nobody’s surprise - except for Lucas, considering earlier events - Eliott followed suit and practically fell half into Lucas’ lap as he pulled his legs up and let his knee fall on top of Lucas’ thigh. He draped his arm over Lucas’ shoulder in a lose fashion and leaned into his side lazily.

Under normal circumstances, Lucas knew he shouldn’t read anything into that – it was classical Eliott, to seek touch, and not only Lucas’ touch – Eliott had been like that for as long as Lucas could remember, and if Lucas had anything to say about it, it would stay that way forever. Tonight however, Eliott’s proximity only made him yearn for more. It was like he was missing Eliott already, even though they couldn’t possibly sit closer together without it being weird. Lucas missed it, though, kissing Eliott, and if only because of the uncertainty underlying it all. He wanted to feel it again - the intimacy of it, the desperation, the softness, the bubble of heat they had been in. He wanted to kiss Eliott again, but this time not like they were speeding through it - he wanted it to be slower, and if only because it would mean that maybe, it was going to last.

Lucas snapped out of it when Basile and Arthur started yelling random strings of curses in the TV’s direction. He immediately felt the urge to roll his eyes but caught Yann’s gaze instead – only to regret it instantly, the concerned curiosity he was met with making him feel exposed. When Yann’s eyes panned between Eliott and him, eyebrows drawn together, silent question and all, Lucas had to suppress his own eyes from widening, or narrowing for that matter – anything that would only fuel whatever Yann was coming up with in his head. He jerked his leg away from under Eliott’s, and rubbed his knee, pretending his legs had just gone numb. He knew Eliott should have put more of an effort into taming his hair earlier. Now, Lucas had to sit here and physically hold himself back from shaking his head in a denying motion when Yann gave him one last _look_ that gravitated somewhere between puzzled and knowing. Lucas just kept his face aloof, hoping for the best until he didn’t have to hope for anything anymore, other than wishing Basile’s loud voice would stop passing out free headaches.

“Eliott! You’ll join laser tag next week??” Basile shouted and Lucas felt a shift beside him, but didn’t quite dare to look, as if his eyes on Eliott would automatically reveal all of his secrets to the rest of the room.

“Who’s going?” Eliott’s voice sounded genuinely interested, the way it usually would, and part of Lucas hated him for being so unbothered.

“The gang, evidently.” Basile winked in that obnoxious way he did. “Well, and the girls, right? You made sure they’re coming?” His voice had climbed an octave higher as he waited for confirmation like his life depended on it.

Arthur nodded. “Yeah, yeah, chill. They’re coming.” he said, lifting a lazy arm to return Basile’s enthusiastic high-five.

“You’re free to invite Sofiane and Basile, it’s more fun with bigger teams anyway,” Yann addressed Eliott, half of his words getting lost in the way he was still chewing his burger.

“Yeah, I could ask them…” There was a hesitant edge to Eliott’s voice now, and Lucas could _feel_ the way his eyes were trying to get a hold of him. He looked at Eliott in spite of himself, and had to keep back from giving him an incredulous look upon realizing that Eliott seemed to be waiting for his permission, as if that wouldn’t make things even weirder considering their friend groups were tied together either way. Lucas decided to ignore Eliott, addressing the whole room instead.

“I asked Mika as well by the way and he’s in. Lisa doesn’t know yet…”

There was a collective hum of agreement. “Corentin as well – right Lucas? I want him on my team if he’s as good at laser tag as he’s at video games!” Basile announced, pointing a compelling finger at Lucas.

“Oh yeah, you should definitely ask him, man,” Arthur agreed.

And, right. Lucas should have probably cleared that up by now, but in all honesty, it had completely slipped his mind, just as it had slipped his mind that a week ago, today’s actions would have definitely made him a cheater. At least he hadn’t fucked up completely, then.

“Uhm, I forgot to tell you about this –” Lucas started and narrowed his eyes in warning, “Don’t be weird about it, but I think we broke up. Or well, we definitely did. But the girls will probably ask him to join anyway, so you can still have him on your team.” Lucas directed the last part at Basile.

“What do you mean?” Yann asked after an uncomfortable beat of ringing silence, his face looking concerned and puzzled all over again.

Lucas shrugged, pointedly ignoring the way Eliott’s arm had dropped off his shoulder, and how their legs drifted apart further. Instinctively, he still noticed how Eliott’s head had snapped around, but he ignored the silent questions that were being thrown at the side of his head pointedly. Lucas didn’t have the nerves for that right now.

“It’s just we talked the other day and decided we’d be casual for now. Just friends…” Lucas explained, keeping his voice as leveled and objective as possible.

“What does that mean? Going from a relationship to what? Fuckbuddies?! Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Wait, why would you do that? To keep him interested? But I thought –”

“ They were barely in a relationship, you need to chill, Bas. And nobody said anything about _fuckbuddies_ ,” Arthur interrupted Basile, effectively shutting up his spluttering. “Are you okay, though, dude?” he addressed Lucas calmly.

Lucas nodded, a grateful smile stretching his lips. Arthur never disappointed. “Yes. It’s really not a big deal. It was quite chill, actually.”

“Chill? Really?” Basile’s voice interrupted again, on the verge of being shrill now. “No way you loved him then, bro!”

Lucas actually laughed out loud at that, one hand clutching his stomach. “Yeah. No shit Basile, thanks for making me see that.”

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, and Yann shook his head, looking amused now, which lifted a whole lot of weight off Lucas’ shoulders, but at the back of his mind he could not help noticing how Eliott was keeping uncharacteristically quiet. Lucas spared a glance at him and noticed he had picked up a cigarette. Eliott was not a regular smoker, but the way he was inhaling the smoke, blowing it out ever so slowly, and looking calm as the night, made Lucas wonder whether it had become a new habit of his. Eliott was leaning against the armrest on his respective side of the sofa, and Lucas thought that the space left between them now couldn’t be any more obvious. He sat there, legs stretched out on the floor and eyed Lucas from under his lashes as if that was a fair and normal thing to do after kissing your best friend’s face off. When he held the cigarette out for Lucas, there were questions in his eyes that went far beyond asking him if he wanted a drag. Lucas shook his head, declining. Both the cigarette _and_ the questions were only bound to give him a headache at this point. Eliott shrugged and put out the cigarette in the ashtray.

“Too bad we didn’t get enough chances to embarrass you in front of Corentin, dude,” Arthur snickered, seemingly out of nowhere, but Lucas had a feeling there was a portion of conversation he had just missed. He flipped Arthur off, eyes only reluctantly leaving Eliott – Eliott’s never leaving him, he could just tell.

“Well, I have a whole file for that on my computer, it’s fascinating,” Eliott said, and Lucas could hear the smirk, even before his eyes snapped back to him, finding the left side of his lip tugged upward – subtly, but it was definitely there, and Lucas really wanted to throw a fucking pillow at him. He also really wanted to throw _himself_ at Eliott, kiss him some more, and that would really become a problem, as if his usual out-of-line feelings for Eliott hadn’t been enough to handle as it was. Only now, part of the cycle had been broken, and Lucas wasn’t so sure he’d know how to handle himself around Eliott any time soon.

“Eliott is onto something here, Lulu. I would love to see that file.” Basile waggled his eyebrows, and Lucas gave in, picking up a pillow and throwing it right at him. Which, as it turned out had been the wrong decision. He should have definitely thrown the pillow at Eliott instead. Because apparently, he hadn’t riled Lucas up enough just yet.

“I have this video saved… we were younger, and he had a tantrum at the zoo because-”

Lucas was absolutely not about to revisit the memory of his eight-year-old self throwing a jealousy fit at the zoo because Eliott had brought another friend, as if it wasn’t already enough that half of it had been caught on camera by Alice – including the part where he had pushed that poor child off the bench. He was not going to let that happen, so he ended up lunging at Eliott, elbowing him in the side with not even half the amount of force he would have used with any of the other boys. “Shut up,” he whined, and Eliott stared at him for a beat, then raised a brow, his cheek twitching, and he tried to wrestle himself free from Lucas grip on his arm. He inhaled dramatically, indicating that he was ready to spill all of Lucas’ secrets, and all Lucas could do was to cover Eliott’s mouth with his hand, just the right amount of pressure to shut him up. “Stop, stop, shut up!” There was barely contained laughter in his voice now, but he gave Eliott a _look_ to punctuate just how much he needed him to stop talking, how serious he was. Naturally, Eliott took it as an invitation to stick out his tongue, the sleek heat pressed against his hand causing the laughter on Lucas’ lips to die a slow cruel death.

They had always brought out the playfulness in each other, for as long as Lucas could remember, but then for as long as he could remember, they also hadn’t kissed, and right now, Lucas felt tempted much more than he felt playful. Eliott’s eyes were alluring and it made Lucas feel foggy all over again.

“Eliott! Ball tag!” Basile’s loud voice and the force of his body crashing into them pulled Lucas out of it yet again – and probably for the best because this really wasn’t the right moment to let himself get worked up all over again.

They were shoved apart and Lucas absentmindedly heard Eliott exclaim strings of protest: _“Ah, Basile!”…“Stop that!”… “Not with me!”… “Lucas, help!”_ He was distantly aware of the laughter in Eliott’s words, and it was only then that Lucas noticed Eliott’s hand trying to hold onto his, the way their intertwined fingers were being jostled with the force of whatever Basile was trying to accomplish. Eliott finally managed to free himself from Basile’s stupid attack, and released an exaggerated breath, falling back against the armrest as if he had just escaped a near death encounter, and their fingers slipped apart, though Lucas was a little too distracted to fully notice.

He was distracted by the way Eliott laughed, from somewhere deep within, the way his cheeks were flushed for an entirely different reason now, and the way he looked happy – radiant even, how it made Lucas feel happy as well. It was a moment like many others they had shared throughout the years, just an aimless evening spent with their friends, spontaneous nonsense and laughter. Just sitting next to each other doing absolutely nothing and feeling like it was worth absolutely everything and Lucas –

Lucas was so taken with him, had no power against the pull he was feeling. _And for once_ \- just in this moment - he let himself sit with the feeling. _And for once_ – just in this moment - he didn’t feel scared.

Little did he know he was only about to experience what exactly made thin lines so dangerous.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks sm for reading!! would love to hear some thoughts/critiques etc but no pressure. also, i took away the rating for the moment because i‘m not sure how far to go with smut exactly and its stressing me out cause we‘re getting there lmao... 
> 
> what song do you think lucas started practicing :')?
> 
> if you wanna find me on tumblr :) : chelouelou


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